Understanding Your Spouse’s Brain

Your husband will also probably not be interested in the dozens of things you want to tell him. Don’t take this as disinterest in you personally. This is another time when moms and girlfriends are helpful. Your husband won’t care about the sale at the shoe store, but your friend will, so share it with her. Be willing to limit the number of things you share with your husband to the most important.

Men are narrow-minded

Men have the ability to focus solely on one thing, where women’s minds will jump around even in serious situations. They will want to keep working on a project until they are done with it.

Advice for men: Don’t assume your wife is as excited or focused on a project as you are. She will probably want to stop and eat before it’s done, especially if the kids are hungry. Be patient if your wife interrupts you when you are focused on something. Explain to her that you will discuss other matters later when you can give more attention to them.

Advice for women: Reign in your desire to branch out to other subjects when your husband is thinking deeply about something. Give him adequate time to think through one subject before bringing another up. You may also need to gently remind him of something (like the exit he’s supposed to take) when he’s thinking of something else. Don’t interpret his focus as a sign of diminished capacity. Being able to start, work through, and finish a project is a skill many women find difficult.

Advice for both spouses: These differences in details and the focus men and women have, can make you an effective team. If you learn to capitalize on each others’ abilities you will find that jobs you do together get done faster and better than they would if only one of you did it. This can make both your lives easier.

There are dozens of additional differences between men and women. The main idea is to recognize that differences exist and change your expectations of your spouse. Men and women are made for each other. You can have a satisfying relationship when you work together. Don’t judge your spouse by your standards and don’t try to get them to change to suit your ideas. You will find that your spouse is really more competent and helpful than you thought when you look at them with an open mind. A good dose of mutual appreciation and acceptance can heal any wound in a relationship.