Unrequited Love – a Recipe for Healing

Movies and books, many of us have learned from childhood stereotype: love is measured by suffering. And there is no suffering – no love. But is it really? Maybe not necessarily so much to suffer?

Probably each of us once in my life happened this attack, like love to frenzy. When the world is focused on one person, it becomes the main theme of our conversations, we constantly scrolls through the memories of minutes spent together – as a look that said, hinted at that. Its shortcomings, we ignore, and the dignity of praise to the heavens. If, however, with the advantages of a lover not a lot, we ourselves are ready to invent them. I have him go up into the sky, I followed him fall into the abyss …
And now, every step, every breath, every word is subject to obsess our passion. We can not resist covering us a wave of feelings and soon simply cease to control themselves, allowing the elements to control us. The woman in this state – not the hostess herself. It puts all of its existence dependent on another person, from a man. The main thing – that he was there, but without it life is not sweet.

I must say, not every man wants to be overjoyed this “love”. Most of them are simply scared of the passions and trying to escape. But there it was.

Realizing that the approaching gap fallen into addiction woman starts fighting for her love and goes on the offensive. It starts with the most horrible and exhausting phase of grueling for both partners love the marathon – the time of infinite explanation of the relationship, mutual recriminations and accusations, jealousy, threats and tears …

Sense or sickness?
This love-relationship has all the symptoms of mental illness. Here you and intrusive, repetitive thoughts and images arise endlessly to get rid of that there is no possibility, and anxiety, and anxiety … To make matters worse, “bunch”, heart palpitations, lack of appetite, chronic insomnia … So here is the history.

Like any disease, illness loving woman does not decorate. Life “at the height of passion, chronic stress harassed body. But worst of all, they devastate the soul.

Slave of Love – who is she?
No wonder, when so express their feelings very young girls, for whom the strong first love can be unaffordable burden. Another thing – women are adults, over and over again coming to the same rake. Why is this happening?

Remember the song from a children’s cartoon about the rescuers – Chip and Dale? There are these words: “They are always in a hurry to where the tragedy lies!” There is a hurry and our heroine, prone to love addiction. Of the variety of options, they stubbornly choose just those partners, from whom nothing good can not be expected.

As a rule, are men who can not reciprocate, emotionally cold, selfish … Each of them – their unhealed wounds and “skeletons in the closet.” Expect from an emotional disability loving, caring and a good relationship – wasting your time. It needed a man big trouble. But the trouble is that healthy and decent our “love slave” in emphasis does not notice. For her, the worse – the better.

The roots of such a sophisticated selectivity, of course, lie in childhood. Today, desperately seeking love a woman – none other, as yesterday’s lonely parents a little girl. And failing in his time, get a parent location, it time and time again looking for a partner, reminding her aloof mother, or emotionally cold father, trying to win, finally, love. “I’m good!”, “I have something to love!” – Again and again she tries to prove himself to Him and the world.

Pull-pull, pull … we can. If you want to
As well as from any addiction – drug, alcohol or nicotine – the habit   in painful relationships is not easy to get rid of. But it is possible. The main thing – do not forget whose hands the matter – the salvation of drowning.

Do not hurry, after suffering another defeat on the love front, knock out fight fire and start a new novel. Too great a risk again, “break his neck.” Not so novel to us now, we must first deal with them.

“If a person is able to fully love, he loves himself, if he can only love others, he can not love at all” – said classic psychotherapy Erich Fromm. “The cause of unhappy love for another – an unhappy self-love” – is already Vladimir Levi.

Do not we love ourselves, do not accept underestimate. Is it any wonder then, that we do not like and do not appreciate others? After all, we – this is what we currently think. So do not skimp on the good word in his address. For example, a couple of options blunt: “I accept myself for who I am.” And in general: “I – clever and beautiful!” A few minutes a day talking it to myself in the mirror, and soon about what we’re smart and beautiful, everyone will know.

Accept yourself, of course, have any, but that does not mean that it is worth to give up cultivation. Why not fix a fact that did not like, and at the same time, it is subject to adjustment? For example, throw a couple of pounds-a feasible task. Maybe try to experiment with hair color? Or change the style of clothing? In a new life – with a new, improved image!

A bit of healthy selfishness in our situation, too, can not hurt. Enough already please others, it’s time to ask ourselves the question: “What is good and bad for me?” And in accordance with the build of his life. Do not forget to pamper yourself in the details, do not skimp on the gifts themselves – favorite. After all, we, as they say in advertising, worth it!

Again about love
As strange for us as it may sound, but true love – always a joy. This is not a slavish dependence, and freedom to be herself. This is – an opportunity to give and receive simultaneously. This is – common interests, trust, mutual respect and devotion in relationships between people.

If we fall happiness of love and be loved at the same time, we become oxygen-love, and getting beautiful and young  True love – it’s mental equilibrium, stability and security. A love of suffering will leave, perhaps, the literary heroes