Unresolved Issues Hurting Your Love Life?
by How to deal with past guilt and hurt. Relationship advice.
The singles’ world is filled with men and women who feel so deeply wounded by past relationships that they will not risk ever getting close to anyone else. If you ask these people whether they fear closeness, they will deny it. After all, they might point out, they put a lot of energy into finding new relationships.
Once in these relationships, however, these people end up hitting a wall they can’t seem to break through to connect with the other person. Even married people often unknowingly distance themselves from their mate. Their intimacy comfort zone doesn’t allow their mate to get very close because of their unresolved issues.
Yet just because they are married or their involvement is passionate, volatile, or compelling, they think that they have an intimate relationship. Often they are surprised to find out that their mate has emotionally bonded with someone outside their relationship.
When we fear closeness, we put ourselves in a double bind: We crave intimacy desperately, yet subconsciously, we end up sabotaging it. We’ve all had bad experiences, ranging from something as bad as being the victim of physical or sexual abuse to being the target of critical comments.
Though consciously we want to believe otherwise, deep inside we see the moral of the story as this – getting close to others causes more paint than it’s worth. To undo this lesson we must re-examine our past experiences and figure out how we could handle the same situation differently today.
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