Warning Signals in a Relationship

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When you’ve been together for a while, you may start taking each other for granted. The trick is to overcome these top relationship traps before they ruin your relationship.

1. You’ve stopped going on dates together

Underlying damage: “When you stop doing things like eating out together, you miss out on intimate talks away from other distractions. If you aren’t discussing problems, the planning part of your brain – the cortex—automatically tries to solve them without the facts, so you often blow things out of proportion.

Fix it: Share “us time” every week, however busy you are. If you’re meeting with friends, leave an hour earlier and stop for a drink on the way. Or try meeting up after your separate nights out and going to late-night café.

2. Teasing becomes more hurtful than funny.

Underlying damage: Does he always joke about what you wear? While those little comments may be funny at the start of a relationship, if he keeps doing it, they can get hurtful as they remind you of other times he’s put you down.

Fix it: Agree not to make comments about each other for a day. Talk about the things you see around you instead. For example, if one spots an advert for a film that reminds you of your first cinema trip together, tell the other person about it. Focusing on your shared past will highlight the happy memories that your relationship is built upon.

3. You’ve had a bad day and you take it out on each other.

The underlying damage: You take out stress on each other because, subconsciously, you know your partner is the only person who will forgive you for it. But if you do this regularly, you start to resent each other.

Fix it: When you get home, unload aggression by giving each other a vigorous massage. The action of kneading the back saps your anger, while soothing strokes with the hands unburden the stress.