What Does It Really Mean to Forgive and Forget?-part Two
by Some relationships to keep and some relationships to let go.
Level 2- Betrayal of Trust
Betrayal of trust normally happens between two parties that share a common agreement. It can be a friend not returning a sum of money back to you after borrowing it or a husband cheating on the wife. Whatever it is, it normally begins with something that’s originally agreed upon by both parties and then ends up with one party breaking the agreement. The other party most often becomes the victim.
How to Forgive?
When it comes to the betrayal of trust, it is really a whole different level. It really depends how fast the victim is able to let go. In a family relationship, forgiving the guilty party is very important since you tend to see each other very often. To be able to forget this incident, you should not be talking or getting into such topics ever again. Once you are reminded of the incident again, you will forget that you have forgiven in the first place. Remember, forgiving and trust are two different things. You can forgive a mouse but you must be wary of it when it comes to cheese.
“Once bitten, twice shy.”
When it comes to relationships outside of the family, forgiving should be first thing that you should be looking at as well. If the guilty party seeks forgiveness and change his or her ways, then you should consider keeping the relationship. However if he or she remains the same, it is time to forgive and forget the person forever. You don’t want your old wounds to bleed every time you see the unrepentant guilty party. Also bear in mind that it is okay to forgive and walk away from a person at the same time.
Level 3 – Crime
This normally involves criminal offences like murder, robbery or rape for an example.
The victims and their family needs closure. When the criminal is caught and sentenced, then justice is served. Having family support and counselling are the utmost importance for victims to get through such stressful conditions. In such situations, to forget first is the key. Hopefully it will lead to forgiveness one day.
Eventually all of us have to move on with our lives. However, if we don’t teach ourselves to forgive and forget, we would ultimately carry a sickness that is called bitterness. Have you met a bitter person before? They are sure not to brighten up anyone’s day. So stop spreading bitterness and depressing everyone by learning to forgive and forget.
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Post CommentStarpisces
On August 3, 2010 at 7:45 am
read part 1, agreed, part 2, still agreed…
I read a real case from Taiwan about a very forgiving woman, the son (teenager) was killed by another teenager (manslaughter). She actually wanted to kill him at the court as she brought along a knife. After calm down for 2 years, she visited him when he was at the prison, and gave him a lot of encouagement, after he released from prison, she also encouraged him to further the study, and treated him as her son. He also treated her as her own mother (though already had a mother). Both families become very close.
However, this is very rare. Some may forgive, but not forget. Just like me, I can forgive people easily, but the hurt may engrave in my heart…
Shamyl
On August 3, 2010 at 9:09 am
Wonderful suggestions and great choice of topic.
LoveDoctorGoodBye
On August 3, 2010 at 10:23 am
Awesome post. Betrayal of trust can really hurt. My advice is to never lend anyone money. they will either not pay you back on time or not pay you at all. Trust me, it’s happened to me. Some people actually think that since you are their friend, they are not obligated to pay you back.
Eunice Tan
On August 3, 2010 at 10:20 pm
I believe forgiving is still the right answer.
SharifaMcFarlane
On August 4, 2010 at 4:49 am
Good follow up Sharif. The betrayal of trust issue is common. Walking away is best with an unrepentant party.
Btw, that cat graphic is funny.
Kaye TM
On August 4, 2010 at 9:51 am
wow. your article is long. with 2 parts. nice
zoeyclark
On August 4, 2010 at 2:41 pm
You’ve tacked the complicated issue well. My comment should be considered in two parts, as well then. I was hinting at cheating and you have mentioned it here. I don’t think a cheating partner should be forgiven. And again, as for the criminals, it depends on the seriousness of the crime and his/her mindset. you can forgive an accident but deliberate, violent crime? not so much.
Francois Hagnere
On August 5, 2010 at 9:04 am
I loved this second part too my friend. I have to agree with you, dear Sharif, we must avoid bitterness that will rotten our lives. Forgiving is the way. Thank you dear Sharif for these two beautiful posts.
Take good care my friend.
1hopefulman
On August 7, 2010 at 8:15 am
Very insightful conclusion!
However, if we don’t teach ourselves to forgive and forget, we would ultimately carry a sickness that is called bitterness.
S A JOHNSON
On August 9, 2010 at 12:06 am
Great article. It’s definitely something that I need to work on.
Goodselfme
On September 14, 2010 at 9:39 pm
Your forgiveness articles have been startling and meaningful to me. I think , like you have said in your profile, we get caught up in helping where we know we can and then write about it to share with the world. The world should read and heed your wisdom here. Thank you.
RAJEEV BHARGAVA
On October 26, 2010 at 9:07 pm
an absoluely brilliant follow-up to the original. so much good and positive advice we should all follow. i loved the message in the end too. it’s all about peace, love and harmony. that way, we can look forward to a bright and beautifu future too. thanks very much for this lovely share.