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What Keeps Two People Together?

A look at what may be the difference between one wild week and a lifetime together.

Pic by Federica Atecht’nefott

Love

How we go about our relationship is no constant matter. There is an evolution we go through as we navigate life and love, looking for the ties that bind.

As relationship newbies, usually in our teens, our love investment is in time installments. How long can we stay on the phone or chat with our special someone? How many texts can we send? How many emails, tweets, nudges, and comments can we manage in our effort to remain connected?

Then it’s all about going out… to every movie, bar, club, party, or public event in existence. Suddenly, fun and public appearances are the units of measurement.

Eventually, it becomes about staying in… staying in until we are saturated and completely overdosing on togetherness. The bliss starts to mutate and slowly guide us to the brink of insanity.

Pic by Kyle Mahan

Marriage

My partner in love and war and I talk a lot about what we think helps to keep us together. You’d be surprised at the number of things that come up in this sort of conversation–especially when a bottle of wine is involved. But one item that never fails to pop up is admiration.

‘Till death do you part’ is more than a little while. It’s plenty of time to get to know each other’s good, bad, and ugly. So there has to be something in your mate that you truly respect, or forget it.

I know, I know, what about love? Of course love is involved! But the tingly feeling of attraction is only a very small part of love. That very cool sensation ebbs and flows. Other, far less fickle thoughts and emotions have to come into play for the low tide times. And it’s precisely the low tide that reveals what we really see as true love–the kind that inspires us to walk down the aisle.

So what’s your Superglue?

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User Comments
  1. Little Miss Lizzy

    On December 21, 2008 at 9:40 pm


    I really liked the way you talk about low tide showing where love really lies. It touched a part of me and really struck a chord for some reason. Thanks.

  2. Laura Tamayo

    On January 13, 2009 at 5:04 pm


    Little Miss Lizzy, thanks for the comment. You know, I think of the low tide as a time to discover my own feelings, but also as a time my partner experiences, and how he still finds a reason to stay… There’s an enormous amount of comfort in that for me.

  3. Colleen Ranney

    On January 13, 2009 at 5:52 pm


    So true. I actually just got married on December 6th. Great article

  4. Yovita Siswati

    On January 14, 2009 at 9:43 pm


    Great work! I enjoy reading it. So true is what you have written.

  5. nutuba

    On January 16, 2009 at 3:28 pm


    Nicely done! You make some keen observations on relationships. In my twenty-one years of marriage, the reasons for, and expressions of, love have indeed evolved. It does take commitment, which seems to be an unpopular word these days. This is very well written. I look forward to reading more of your work.

  6. Laura Tamayo

    On January 17, 2009 at 2:29 pm


    @Colleen: Congratulations!

    @Yovita: Thank you.

    @nutuba: Thanks for the feedback. I think you’re absolutely right, “commitment” has lost it’s value. And it’s unfortunate. With all our imperfections, commitment is that built-in tolerance that gives us the opportunity to grow and become more like the person we truly wish to be.

  7. rajeev bhargava

    On May 7, 2009 at 8:36 pm


    a brilliant article with healthy pointers on love and its meaning. i really enjoyed reading it.

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