What Makes a Marriage Work?

I cannot think of any commitment that has a standard that high. You would think breaking this bond would be unheard of, but that is not the case. The divorce rate is between 50 and 65 percent. The other 35 to 50 percent of couples are doing just fine. What is their secret? I cannot speak for everyone, but I know my parents’ secret.

Friendship is a great start. When a relationship begins the main focus is often are we physically attracted to each other. Once that fads, couples start to realize that a strong friendship needs to be in place in order for the relationship to thrive. My parents have been married for 33 years and they are still going strong. Many Saturday mornings my parents will get up early, usually around 8a.m., and go out for breakfast. The rest of the Saturday will include shopping, a movie, and maybe dinner that evening. I see them holding hands and laughing as if they just met. They are best friends. Fowers (1998) says that Aristotle views friendship as a key virtue of a good marriage. He believes that friendship is the foundation to all social relationships, and because marriage is one of the biggest pursuits of happiness in our social lives we need friendship to have a successful one. My parents are a perfect display of this.

In addition to friendship, Fowers (1998), states that other virtues such as courage, honesty and self-restraint our valuable. My parents show this in several ways. If there is ever a time that they feel things are not going right, neither one of them would hesitate to speak up. For example, an argument years ago started from my mother telling my father that he should be more involved with things around the house, such as dish washing, answering the phone, or cleaning the bathroom. My father would say she was too bossy and negative. It takes a lot of courage to bring to someone’s attention what they are doing wrong and even more self-restraint to say it will finesse.

We all know that communication is what drives our society. It is how we create and keep relationships. Communication has to be a huge part of a successful marriage. Marona (1992), states that communication can be used to solve the majority of marital problems. Most issues that couple’s have can be addressed in a normal conversation, without argument. My parents communicate very well with each other. For example, they will write in a notebook or journal their thoughts. Writing down the feelings, thoughts, and suggestions they have enables them to communicate much clearer. My parents are able to express themselves without getting confused. This is the perfect opportunity to explain how something made you upset, instead of lashing out during an inappropriate time, such as an argument or a public event. During an argument or public event is the worse time to lash out at because your criticism become ego bound. My parents have learned that it is best to talk when you are alone and level-headed. They have realized that it cuts down on other fights that could have arisen from a simple concern. The way you communicate means more than what you communicate. Each of my parents want to be heard and given the equal amount of respect.