When Abuse Comes in Between the Sheets of a Relationships

Things went on like this for some time. Then one night, I was very vulnerable I was going through a very traumatic experience and had told him about it for the first time. We started to have sex and things went a way I had not planned. I will not go into details. But what happened upset me greatly. My obvious distress eventually made him stop. I am never sure where to put this experience I was detached from it for a long time as if it happened to someone else. I was anxious about talking about it, as I did not want people to think badly of him. He is not a bad man and yet he behaved badly within the relationship. This may sound strange but he could be quite loving and tender too. It is hard to know where to put such behaviour in someone who is also kind to you. And I think this made it even more painful. Not being able to call it something made it impossible to talk about and I did not want people to think ill of him.

It may surprise people to know I did not leave him straight away after this. And actually his guilt over it was directed in anger towards me and other aspects of his life. Others began to suggest to him that he needed to deal with his anger issues. He began to realize he had a problem with alcohol.

I had started to see a therapist and expressed what had happened for the first time hearing myself I was shocked at my own story, speaking it out loud, putting the story together and listening to my own voice. I left him soon after that.

Even now it has affected the way I see life love sex and especially men. When one who says he loves you does this… ?

For such a long time it has been hard as I said I could express it a thousand times and no one would understand.