When Breaking Up is Neccessary: Part One
by For the last year and one half, I have been with a man that I knew that I shouldn’t. Not because he was bad, but because we were incompatible.
I feel like this fine woman drinking this wine in the photo to the left. I am pretty private about details of my relationships, but I am an open book. I know that is an oxymoron, but true never-the-less. One year and a half is not very long, but it is not short lived either. I am writing this article out of pure hurt, but hoping that I can put within it some pure wisdom.
I read an article on Oprah dot com about Abusive Men. I was a bit afraid of my love and didn’t want to know why I felt this fear. Even though he never showed any physical signs of abuse out of the 16 on Oprah’s list my love only did not have four of the red flag signs in his character. When I read that list, I was not even surprised that my love might even be capable of such a thing as abusing me. In a way he already mentally was.
Being the alpha woman that I am, I always got him back, like Tina Turner did in the limo that night with Ike. I don’t mean physically, because one of those battles had not yet come. He has not laid a hand on me. I am almost sure that was what my future held.
Here are a few questions that I had when contemplating this final break up for more than a year:
How can I leave when I new he/she was like this from the beginning?
It is natural to feel like you have to give someone a chance, especially if you knew what their attitude was like at the beginning of the relationship. Surely, you thought that you could handle it and everything would be okay. But as the relationship goes on you find that it is too much for you to handle and you want out.
As much as human being desire change for the better, we often don’t find ourselves worthy of that change. Far worst, we are afraid of change. Because what if change leads me to something or someone worse than where I started? Then you must have courage.
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Post CommentPR Mace
On March 24, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Just take care of yourself.
Susan B Anna
On March 24, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Hi Gerlaine, never easy when you give your heart to someone and it doesn’t work out, be it a year or more, the doubts, fear and what if’s always play a factor. May God speed the healing process, stay blessed.
Joie Schmidt
On March 24, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Thank you for sharing – - you deserve and will end up with TRUE LOVE & ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.
Blessings.
Sincerely,
-Liane Schmidt.
The Daily Digital
On March 25, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Thank you ladies! I am definitely healing. I always use my own life in my articles and I thought this one was extra important.
VW
On April 8, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Hi Gerlaine,
I came across your article and found it really interesting and quite related to my situation with my boyfriend right now. How do you know what the limit to incompatible is? How far should I tolerate or accept?
My boyfriend and I have just started our relationship a few months ago but previously, we’ve had a thing for each other in school for a few years. We were never officially together then. He is a very family orientated man and want nothing more than to settle down as soon as possible, building his own family etc. I, on the other hand, value my freedom and dreams. This is not to say I am not keen in starting my own family. It’s just not as rushed as he is. We have fought over this a lot of times as he is someone who needs to ’see’ the future to be able to work towards it. He called me selfish for wanting to chase my own dreams. He thought that if I’ve ever given serious thoughts of setting a home with him, I wouldn’t be wanting to waste time doing things other than the ones that’ll help us settle sooner. Other disagreements have included the roles of man and woman at home.
He is one to lose his temper quickly as well. Having said that, he has never hit anyone in his life. His tongue can just get looser than a dog’s barking. He does apologise everytime after he loses his cool or become snappy after I told him once that I get very upset with his temper. I have also told him off when he said some intellectually offending things to me and he has never repeated the same mistake again.
I am confused. I don’t know myself if the relationship is one worth keeping. We’ve only been together for a few months. But I suppose due to our past, I am slightly heavy hearted to let the relationship go to waste. I do have very strong feelings for him. I haven’t had much of past relationship experiences to know what to tell of this one. I keep hoping we’d both change for the relationship… but how do I know exactly when to call it quit if things really don’t work, and I just keep hoping things would be better gradually?
Thanks for any advice.