When Breaking Up is Neccessary: Part One
by For the last year and one half, I have been with a man that I knew that I shouldn’t. Not because he was bad, but because we were incompatible.
Courage is when you are afraid to move, but you still advance forward. You see, I am not declaring fearlessness. I am proclaiming courage.
Maybe your love is not hurting you on purpose. That is an excuse that I gave myself for a long, long time. “He’s just like that.” I said. My family even started to say, “You, know how he is.” when I would complain. This excuse won’t be very potent for long. You will have to create new excuses for staying after a while.
You can do anything that you decide to do. This is going to be the theme for this article: Decision.
But he/she needs me. What will he/she do without me?
To be real, first get off your horse. I don’t care if you are your loves sole provider. You can help them transition. I am not saying that you should leave them high and dry. Can I please ask a question? What did your love do before you came into the picture? He/she will survive.
This was a major area for me. I felt as if my love needed me, because I did so much for him. I thought he’ll go backwards if I leave and he’ll have nothing. I love him. I don’t want to see him like that. Then I had to realize. I absolutely had no faith in him. That is the reason that I did all those things, because I always thought that he would botch it up. I was simply his enabler and he was my drug. (Detoxing now.)
I need him/her.
At the end of our relationship my love was my sole supporter. I did not want to go back and ask my parents for help. I could never stay in the arms of anyone I love just for money. I ended up using him in the end and feeling used myself. So, I had to make a firm to decision and stick by it. You can find out how I did it exactly in my article How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend. I wrote that article over a year ago, but it was merely a contemplation of what I would have to do today.
I just want to give you fair loving. Needing someone is the least loving thing you can do as an adult. Children need their parents out of helplessness, but when it comes to love relationships that is not loving at all. It is using someones niceties, money, time and affection for your own personal gain. If you are a user, then do you. Like the Eurythmics say, “Who am I to disagree?”
The next article will include Part 2 of this article.
Love from gerlaine.
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Post CommentPR Mace
On March 24, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Just take care of yourself.
Susan B Anna
On March 24, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Hi Gerlaine, never easy when you give your heart to someone and it doesn’t work out, be it a year or more, the doubts, fear and what if’s always play a factor. May God speed the healing process, stay blessed.
Joie Schmidt
On March 24, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Thank you for sharing – - you deserve and will end up with TRUE LOVE & ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.
Blessings.
Sincerely,
-Liane Schmidt.
The Daily Digital
On March 25, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Thank you ladies! I am definitely healing. I always use my own life in my articles and I thought this one was extra important.
VW
On April 8, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Hi Gerlaine,
I came across your article and found it really interesting and quite related to my situation with my boyfriend right now. How do you know what the limit to incompatible is? How far should I tolerate or accept?
My boyfriend and I have just started our relationship a few months ago but previously, we’ve had a thing for each other in school for a few years. We were never officially together then. He is a very family orientated man and want nothing more than to settle down as soon as possible, building his own family etc. I, on the other hand, value my freedom and dreams. This is not to say I am not keen in starting my own family. It’s just not as rushed as he is. We have fought over this a lot of times as he is someone who needs to ’see’ the future to be able to work towards it. He called me selfish for wanting to chase my own dreams. He thought that if I’ve ever given serious thoughts of setting a home with him, I wouldn’t be wanting to waste time doing things other than the ones that’ll help us settle sooner. Other disagreements have included the roles of man and woman at home.
He is one to lose his temper quickly as well. Having said that, he has never hit anyone in his life. His tongue can just get looser than a dog’s barking. He does apologise everytime after he loses his cool or become snappy after I told him once that I get very upset with his temper. I have also told him off when he said some intellectually offending things to me and he has never repeated the same mistake again.
I am confused. I don’t know myself if the relationship is one worth keeping. We’ve only been together for a few months. But I suppose due to our past, I am slightly heavy hearted to let the relationship go to waste. I do have very strong feelings for him. I haven’t had much of past relationship experiences to know what to tell of this one. I keep hoping we’d both change for the relationship… but how do I know exactly when to call it quit if things really don’t work, and I just keep hoping things would be better gradually?
Thanks for any advice.