When Expectations Become a Trap
by Dealing with the problem of expectations: consider the fact that the expectations placed on us often trap us into doing things that we no longer want to do.
Family, career, volunteer organizations, and a personal sense of values place expectationson peoples lives. Expectations can be a good thing when they add purpose and direction. They can also raise responsibility levels when you are aware that others are depending on your performance. However, when expectations become too prolonged or excessive, they can turn into a trap from which escape is difficult.
Guilt can cause expectations to become a trap.
When others make it clear that their success or happiness depends on what you do, it produces a sense of responsibility. In small doses, this can be a good thing. If this sense of responsibility is taken too far, a failure to deliver on your part will produce intense feelings of guilt. It does not even take failure. Just the idea that you will cause a bad outcome for some that you care about is enough to push you to do perform tasks that are not always in your best interest. The guilt that results from not doing these things is enough to drive you onward to do them.
Your role in the family may make you feel forced to do some things.
In most families, certain members become trapped into tasks that have long ago lost any pleasure for those who do them. It might be baking the bread for a family reunion. In some families, it may be planning a regular event. The expectations can take many forms. The outcome is the same. Someone feels that there are no choices because of he expectations of family members. Other people may be able to do the same thing as you. After a few cycles or years, others worry that they may be intruding on your domain if they step in. Even the sense of feeling needed may figure into this equation to keep you bringing that same dish year after year.
Your boss or coworkers may come to expect you to fill a certain role that may not even be in your job description.
These expectations can range from starting the morning pot of coffee to always being the one who deals with the problem client. You know that when that situation arises that everyone will look your way. Concerns about the possibility of a bad review or the loss of a needed client keeps you running in place doing the same things over and over. You may hate making coffee or talking to that client, but expectations prevent you from saying no.
Your own sense of value may stop you from stepping off of the treadmill of expectations.
You may be one of those people who was raised to believe that there are certain things that have to be done. You will find it hard to let things go undone because of your personal values. It is not just guilt that motivates you to pick up the shovel and dig. If you really believe that someone should dig and you are the only one who will, it will be all but impossible for you not to dig. It is not the expectations of others, but your own expectations that have you trapped. It can be much more difficult to say no to yourself in these instances than it would be to say no to others.
Escape the trap of expectations.
You can escape the trap of expectations by making a decision ahead of time that you will let something go undone rather than doing it yourself. It may take you several times before you can get this done. It may even take longer before others feel the need to pick up the slack. Most of the time, you will discover that the world did not end because you left something undone. Eventually, you may develop the ability to pick and choose what you will do. Even at that point, you may have to stay vigilant not be pulled back into the trap of expectations.
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