When Love Becomes a Fatal Attraction or Addictive

        Addicts often become nervous when there’s a break in their relationship routine and this can lead to distorted behavior.  Healthy people don’t have these fears.  Abnormal jealousy and fanatical possessiveness are symptoms of the addiction, as is giving your partner the 3rd degree–”Where have you been”–as in Janey’s case above.  Finally, the addict has such weak personality boundaries that she has no idea of where she ends and the other person begins.  She becomes enmeshed with her partner, such that all she cares about is what her partner cares about.

        But if all this sounds hopeless, rest assured that there ARE measures love addicts can take to cure themselves.  If you think you might be a love addict, here are Susan Peabody’s steps for recovery.

        1.        Become aware of the problem–face the truth that you have a problem.

        2.        Seek help through therapy or support groups.

        3        Make a personal inventory of your love addiction

                –write it down

                –talk about your childhood

                –identify your distorted thoughts and behavior (this might include things like “romantic love is great,” “life is not worth living without it.”  A healthy way to look at this would be to make it a “want”, not a “need”)

        Once you know everything about your problem, you’ll know what needs to be corrected and there are usually 2 elements that need to change–behavior and self-esteem.

        With behavior you need to stop acting out.  For Caroline she would need to stop driving past her boyfriend’s house every night.  Peabody advises doing this incrementally–don’t make it all or nothing.  Instead, break it down into manageable pieces.

        1.        Become aware of what you don’t want to do (”I don’t want to drive past my boyfriend’s house at 3am to see if he’s home”)