When Love Becomes a Fatal Attraction or Addictive

        2.        Announce it to your therapist or your best friend (“I’m going to stop it”)

        3.        You will do it again, but know that you’re doing it.  This is a great leap forward–before, you thought it was normal!

        4.        You’ll be about to get in the car and will think about it, but will do it anyway.  This is another leap forward.

        5.        Eventually you’ll get to the point where you’ll have a choice.  You are half way home now.  Then you’ll decide not to do it.  This is the change, and it usually only comes after several months.  Eventually not driving by will become a way of life.

        At the same time as you’re doing this, you’ll need to change inwardly.  Do this by increasing your self-esteem and changing your childhood trauma.  “If you want long-term recovery,” advises Peabody, “you have to go through the process of looking at the pain of the past.”  The steps to do this are as follows:

        1.        Identify what happened (you were abandoned, abused etc).

        2.        Talk about what happened.

        3.        Write it down, this brings up the secrets.  If you don’t remember it, it was unhappy and you’ve repressed it.

        4.        Feel the feelings–anger, sadness, depression.  This is important but don’t get stuck at this stage.

        5.        Let go, if you’re ready.  If you’re not your body will tell you, “I’m still angry etc” but then one day you’ll move on.

        6.        Accept the fact that you can’t fix your parents and that they’re not going to change.

        7.        Forgive.  This doesn’t mean you have to like them or let them persecute you. 

        8.        Look at the bright side.  What have you gained?  Coping skills, a sense of compassion?  You have freed yourself from the effects of the past.

        9.        Re-parent your inner child.  You have a wounded inner child and to heal that you have to have an imaginary relationship with your child.  Give it what you didn’t get as a child and what you’re looking for in a partner, e.g. if you weren’t talked to as a youngster, talk to your inner child.  Learn to play and have fun and relax. 

        “This is a very healing process because you stop looking for someone else to fix you,” advises Peabody.  “When you start healing yourself and later meet someone else who can help you, you won’t overburden that new person with this task.” 

        And when that happens, your relationships will move from being addictive or obsessive to being healthy.        1700 words