When Parents End Its Marriage in Divorce The World of a Child Dramaticallychanges

·         Resure the child that though Mommy and Daddy may not see eye to eye, they will continue to keep her interests in mind, always. That they love her very much and that she’s not going to lose out in any way. That she will continue to get both her parents’ love. Empathise with her, and talk about your feelings. In no way should parents or one parent use the child to discredit the other parent, however bad they are feeling in the situation.

·         As a parent, never ever imply that differences of opinion have arisen between you and your spouse only after your child was born. Children are extremely perceptive, and if they sense that they are the cause for their parents’ unhappiness, it may result in serious behavioural problems.

·         Every day, and in every way, prepare your child – however young they may be – for the eventuality that may be clear in your mind. At every level, be frank with your child as they needs enough time to understand what you are saying, and she needs time to come to terms with what is happening.

·         As far as possible, even if the hostile period ends in divorce, try and ensure that the child’s routine is not deeply affected. A change of residence, a change of school or college can be damaging to her confidence and growth. Try and keep her interests in the forefront as much as possible. Be very truthful to an older child, because an older child can manipulate her parents; she needs as much reassurance as a young child that her interests will be taken care of and that she must focus on her studies, games, etc.

·         It is absolutely vital to meet every commitment, and keep every promise you make. If there are weekly or weekend meetings planned after the separation, where the child is supposed to visit his father, maintain those diligently at least in the early stages. Be sensitive to what the child is going through. Also, some fathers tend to ask their children what Mom is doing all week, and mothers too, try to get information about the ex-husband through the kids ­avoid this! It could be very damaging for your child’s self esteem if she comes to think of herself as just a gatherer of information or a messenger.

A Note to children

v  Acknowledge and accept the reality of separation or divorce.

v   Try and dissociate yourself from the problems and arguments that your parents may be having.

v  Expect some major changes in your life. Even your responsibilities and duties may increase, if you live with your mom, and she happens to be working. Or you may have to move house and live with your grandparents for a while. You can manage all these.

v   Try to go on enjoying your life, with simple pleasures, like going out with friends for an ice cream …

v   Don’t blame yourself – it is NOT your fault they separated.

v   In time, you will also see the positive side of the entire episode – after all, it is better for your parents to live separately and be happier, than for all of you to be living in a hostile climate.

v  Talk about the situation. If you’re feeling sad, talk to the parent with whom you are staying or to a close relative like an aunt or uncle. Do not bottle your feelings up, let them out ­you will feel better.

v  If you’re older, try and resolve your anger towards your parents. Forgive them for what they’ve done.

v   Understand that Mom and Dad are individuals who have feelings, their own likes and dislikes, and who are capable of making mistakes because they are not perfect.