When I was in my teens there lived a couple in my neighborhood named Saritha and Ramesh aged 35 and 38. Though they lived since years together, I used to feel they never understood each other and were always looked unsatisfied and unhappy. Whenever I visited their house I used to bring back negative thoughts with me as she always used to talk negatively about their relationship and seems to be depressed with her life. Saritha was well educated and a highly ambitions lady and had many dreams to fulfill in life and of course dreamt to marry a very dynamic person. But unfortunately Ramesh was quite opposite of what she thought. He was little timid, calculated and a very normal person but totally happy and satisfied with what he has and for what he had achieved till now and wants to sustain the same in life. He doesn’t like to take risks and struggle hard on anything and believed they were leading a good life socially and financially.

Being an ambitious lady Saritha always liked to lead a grand life and wants to try new things which Ramesh never encouraged. The attitude of Ramesh used to make Saritha frustrated and that used to reflect on every thing he does. Seeing Saritha all the time Irritated Ramesh also used to get upset often. Its true, we often transfer our anger, fears and thoughts unknowingly to the people whom we are close to. Both used to have major arguments and fights for no reason. Slowly both started developing negative feelings for one another. The couple always used to crib about their marriage for making such a blunder in choosing the partner. In later stages they started to really hate each other and god knows what had happened to them later. Many times I used to feel pity for them and think this is what is life. We have to give up what we like if we are not lucky enough to get the like minded partner. This was my understanding at that point of time

Later when years passed I got married, had kids and after stayed in a relationship for years now when I go back and think about them, I realize that there was no major problem and nothing was seriously wrong with them. All I feel about those problems were nothing but just their opinion differences. Most of them could have been sorted out cleanly if they had taken time and worked out systematically. Both never expressed nor were open to each other. They always tried to win their point over each other rather solving the problem. Instead of cribbing about life they should have thought that everyone gets a chance to live once and lets get the best out of it. If Saritha wanted best out of Ramesh she should have given what is best for him. At the same time Ramesh lived life like how he wanted but never for Saritha and was least bothered to understand her expectations and feelings. In fact both always tried to live for themselves rather than to live together.

Many of us make such mistakes and “give up” thinking things would get better in future or when time comes. Its wrong “nothing will work for us until we work for it”.

Understand Their Background

The first and the foremost thing for a good relationship is to understand each others backgrounds as both of them are from different families, cultures, traditions, experiences and habits. Both should be well aware of this and respect each others backgrounds and habits to keep harmony in their lives. Which Ramesh and saritha never tried to do so.

Give and Take

Any relationship has to follow “Give and Take” formula. I believe to get what you wanted from your partner, try giving the same to him/her first and see how it works. If Saritha wanted Ramesh to respect her opinions, Ideas and feelings she could have initiated that first, then things would have been better for her.

Communicate

Communication plays a key role in maintaining good relationship. Its always good to express yourself clearly and openly. Never expect the person in front of you would know what’s on your mind or your expectation. Just say it!

Appreciate Each Other

Both should consciously appreciate and help each other to maintain the balance in the family. Ultimately the fact remains that both of them need each other to live peacefully.

Expectation

Expectation from your partner should be clear, genuine and realistic. You should always check whether he is able to understand what you are expecting or whether your partner is capable and comfortable with your expectation.. Ramesh wanted to play safe, Saritha always wanted to stretch a bit. However they never expressed it clearly.

Behavior

Every person is Unique and different to the other for their own experiences and situations in life. The Behavior, likes and dislikes would mostly depend on their experiences. So before taking it into consideration or judging your partner’s behavior just give a thought that “I would be a totally different person for him/her or maybe he/she has some problem with my behavior“.

Reaction

There’s a saying “It is not what happens to you but How you react to it, that matters”. Our life is all about our own reactions. So act well and react less for the incidents which makes you frustrated. There’s no point stretching the thread until it breaks.

Commitment

Though both have different roles to play personally or professionally they should have a common goal for the family. For that both need to understand and work towards that goal. Once the goal is set and the vision is clear commitment comes automatically. Ramesh and Saritha were always going in two different directions.

Habit

Ideally in relationship to sustain the bonding and enthusiasm, the couple should develop certain habits and interests which can add more fun to the life. Like drinking coffee daily together , going for a walk or doing gardening together. Such things make living more memorable.

Space

Another important aspect for good relationship is maintaining individual’s space. Both should have their own space irrespective of their closeness. Every individual will have their own interests, passions, hobbies and talents. Both should respect and appreciate each others interests and talents to have a healthy family.

The motivation to do all the above comes from the amount you love your partner!!!