Why Do People Get Married?
People marry to get company that they would not get if they were single. Nobody wants to return to an empty home, which is what happens if you do not marry. Isolation can be killing. Studies have shown that isolation can be harmful to health as heavy smoking or drinking.
It is only in the movies that bachelors look young and carefree. If you see men who are single, after the age of 28 or so, you will find that they look older and more worn out than married persons of the same age. Scores of studies done in North America and Western Europe shows that married people enjoy better health than singles. They also live longer.
Take mental health for instance. Singles outnumber married individuals by three to one in mental hospitals. Outnumbering the singles however, are widowed people, testifying to a fact that the death of a spouse is one of life’s most stressful events.
However, data shows that divorce can unbalance a married individual. Divorced people in mental hospitals one and a half times, some studies shows. Single men are nearly twice as likely to commit suicide as married men. Divorced and widowed men, however, were even more suicidal than single men. Looking at this data it is worth examining why marriage contributes to health and longevity and why being single has the reverse effect. The answer is simple.
People who are married and especially those with children, drink and drive less, take drugs less, and engage in less risky behavior. They feel responsible for their wife and children while an unencumbered bachelor tends to be more reckless. Medical studies confirm that the benefits from marriage are many.
Married people not only have lower rates for a variety of illness, they are less accident-prone than singles. Singles also are far more likely to have a car accident or die of diseases of the liver, largely caused by drinking liquor. Research shows that married people drink least, the widowed, divorced or separated the most.
Heavy drinkers are also heavy smokers. Married people are happier than singles because man is a social animal and loneliness depresses him because human being grow up with close relationships and cannot cope with isolation.
A man lives in a family for many years after he is born. In school and college, he has friends. When he begins a job, he has office colleagues. But it is only at home as a bachelor that he is all alone. He cannot endure that. That is why you find men getting married soon after they begin working.
Finally marriage derives its strength from a human being’s need to perpetuate himself beyond death by producing children. This evolutionary need is so strong that even an enlightened thinker like Bertrand Russell wrote that people unable to have children begin to find life meaningless because there is nothing to connect them with a distant future when they would not be alive.
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User Comments
alexa gates
On October 13, 2007 at 5:07 pm
only one question…what about women when it comes to marrige? other than that..great article!
Nster
On February 3, 2008 at 3:18 am
There is no evidence that unmarried cohabiters cannot live an equally pleasant and healthful life. The author has provided an ideal scenario for marriage, which he has neither defined nor defended. Only an idiot would be convinced of the single-minded author’s description.
a female
On February 14, 2008 at 3:32 pm
I’ve witnessed 5 marriages, 4 of which have ended in divorce.
Aside from those who’ve been married, the 4 engagements I’ve witnessed, 2 have yet to be married..the others fell through.
I’m sure if I asked any woman who’s married, they wouldn’t have a clue as to why they are, but they’d gladly show me their ring…
Christine
On March 1, 2008 at 3:22 pm
I don’t know if this article is trying to promote marriage and reproduction or is trying to demote anything else. Either way, this article fails to be convincing. Perhaps, by changing the delivery methods or writing style, the content would sound more appealing to the readers.
Melissa
On March 29, 2008 at 4:50 am
I am a medical student and I know that there are studies out there showing that marriage does indeed have its health benefits.
The high rates of divorce in Western countries is more due to the culture and lifestyle expectations of Western people and not because marriage is intrinsically bad.
Putting the culture and lifestyle choice aside, biologically, people get married and have children to pass on their offspring and genes. All living things strive to pass on their genes although they do not consciously or logically think about it. This is the reason why many people will not be able to give a definite reason for marrying.
In relation to Mr J Walker’s comment, you sound very bitter and seem to have plenty to say about something that you claim not to understand. You also sound like you fit into the depressed group of unmarried people. Have you considered counseling?
Ned
On April 14, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I couldnt agree with #2 more. Yes, I believe married people are substantially weaker than single people, as single people have the capability of experiencing life for what it really is, as black people would say keepin it real.
I dont think married people understand this. The single, lonely, and oftentimes self-destructive people are usually the ones responsible for creating the great movies, books, and music that have enhanced our lives. The married people are usually the ones in the audience, because they dont have the audacity to create something so profound, much less understand it.
I do agree that married people live longer cause they dont take chances like single people do, but its those chances that make life a little more interesting in the long run. I know a lot of people stuck in relationships that hate themselves for it and are envious at single persons such as I. I think those people are more prone to suicide.
Yeah, being lonely sucks, but nothing tastes better than freedom. Knowing that each day will be different than the previous. Ive been single for two years now, and oftentimes it sucks when you see that all your friends have girlfriends, and all your co-workers are married. But I think its hand in hand. Atleast I dont have to worry about the wrath of a womans scorn or (almost chronologically) getting my heart torn out if my wife decides to fool around behind my back or leave me for one of my friends, thats just as much of a risk (and worse in my opinon) to my health as being single for that same period I was with that person.
Spirit
On April 15, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Men get married for status.
Women get married for love.
Whitey
On April 28, 2008 at 9:07 am
Wow, this article is garbage. I’m 28 and still living bachelor life. I sometimes come home to a empty house but I don’t mind. I’m still happy and healthy. There is nothing wrong with being single. When your young, living a single life is exciting because you don’t have a lot of responsibility compared to when your married. You can hang out with friends, date nice girls, or do whatever you want when you want. I have been in relationships before and when they don’t work it’s emotionally draining. It doesn’t matter if your single or married, life has it’s ups and downs no matter what. Enjoy life.
maurice woods
On May 23, 2008 at 3:50 pm
why do people killing ther are his
Joseph
On May 31, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Everyone posting on this board is quite right: Being married is great. Being married can suck. Being single is exciting, and can also be very lonely. I’m 29 and got married young. I love life. What would make life more exciting is being married and having children and having a mistress, and going out every Friday night and getting drunk with my friends. But there’s some things I don’t want to risk, because, as I said, I love life. Sometimes I want more. Sometimes I have everything I want. So long as my wife gives me a bj, I won’t complain, though.
mfundo
On June 4, 2008 at 7:31 am
I’m a pessimistic person & I dont believe being single or married defines you or gives you happiness. Man is very much capable of being single or married & still achieve some level of happiness.
The problem with people is that they tend to forget that everyone is not compatible maybe you & your first wife were not made for each other, however that doest mean it was marriage that was a problem (though it could be). Your partner cant not possibly give you everything only a clone is capable of doing that.
marriage works for some people while being single works for others, thus one must not spread the idea that the one is better than the other: people must choose whatever works for them.
as for J Walker you sound really scared, relationships are good on the contrary (unless incompatibility exists).
zera
On June 5, 2008 at 1:42 pm
This article is horribly biased. It will not sway anyone who has already formed an opinion because it is too overbearing. It is mostly ineffective.
rg
On June 6, 2008 at 9:18 am
I thought the author of this artcle was just joking or trolling at first. But now I just realize he has codependency issues and can’t stomach the thought of single life… or perhaps he just needs to justify why his married life is better than being single. Regarding more singles being in mental hospitals, they aren’t crazy because they’re single, they’re single because their crazy!
I’ve been single now for over a year and I have never EVER been happier. I’m in the BEST shape of my life. I’ve started doing all the things I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve been on some amazing solo backpacking trips, I kayak and mountain bike regularly. I have lots of people in my life and almost NEVER feel lonely. In fact I spend more time trying to increase the amount of solitude in my life than I do being depressed about being lonely.
Although I’m not saying the article is 100% wrong. It’s true that a lot of people feel like they are suppose to be depressed for being single and so they are. Most married people that I know who are not yet divorced seem to often want to be single and the single people seem to always want a relationship. It’s an endless cycle, get over it.
Also, I get a huge amount of joy coming home to my empty apartment, deciding what I will do with the rest of the night without having to consider someone else’s wishes. If that seems selfish just watch a married couple for 5 minutes and you’ll see some extremely selfish behavior. At least my selfish behavior leads to one person’s happiness instead of leading to 2 miserable people.
Billy
On June 24, 2008 at 10:56 pm
It’s strange, I practice a daily meditation and that’s where I’m happiest.
I don’t see the need to connect to another as the ultimate fulfillment though I enjoy the company of a live-in girlfriend, from time to time.
These types of threads are basically advocating co-dependency as a cultural norm and a place to be. I wholeheartedly disagree with this notion.
Sara
On July 2, 2008 at 4:08 am
Married or not as long as you look at it on a different perspective you will define it as it is.
Patricia
On July 20, 2008 at 2:43 am
One thing is for sure, if you rely on another “human” for happiness, you will never evry find happiness
Humans all are basically selfish.
During the dating stage we sorta have this “unhumane” nature where we are willing to do anything/everything.
Being single…does not mean u drive around like a crazy person or dose urself with Alcohol.
I find more single people at gyms..
Marriage…can give you a few cardiac arrest to…like when you discover that you married a monster, ur kids turn rebellious…
I find single women/men looking younger
Also single women/men have the $$ to pamper themselves…and most times these are the ones that are well groomed…
When u are married most of the $$$ goes to kids…and u hardly have time to pamper yourself.
In this time of age when the world is such a nasty place, marriage is not as easy….couples have more heartaches…and more pressure that our 4 fathers did.
I am single and I find I am looking so much more younger and happier than my married friends…
Single & lonely….vs married & lonely….which of the two has a high chance of rendrering you a mental dilemma?
Many think singlehood is a terminal disease……its not….
Being single…u can still lead a healthy life..
Walk into any pub…..and catch the men that are drowning in alcohol….high chances u will a married men there….
Accidents,,,happen to married ppl…..too
marold
On July 21, 2008 at 9:37 pm
to j walker… i think you need to consult a counselor dear///
Charles
On July 22, 2008 at 12:39 am
I disagree with the writer of this article. I am 33 years old. i am still young (single).
Caramel
On July 23, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I am a single woman, and I feel the article is totally biased. I agree with most of the comments on here about singles. I am 30, and from what people tell me, I still look damn good! Marriage could possibly change that, if I let it!
I know people that are in unhappy relationships because they felt that it was the right thing to do! Right now, I am happy being single, because I can really focus on what I want, and not have to worry about somebody else!
Happiness comes from within – people shouldn’t rely on marriage to make them happy and whole; everyone’s life is different!
Jenn
On July 24, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I think this artical is really one sided. I think people can be happy either way. I am glad that i got married and had a family. For me that is what life is about. However I can see why other people chose to remain single. Marriage isn’t for everyone and neither is being single.
Adrian
On July 26, 2008 at 9:08 am
The way that the article was couched in, I would feel that the writer is trying to justify a marriage he himself is not too sure of in the first place. Of course, he may have his point, but to violently lambast singlehood (to the point of using scientific proofs) and not consider the other option which could be equally valid is a prejudiced view not worth subscribing to. He sounds too much like a pastor advocating the necessity of the continuation of the human race.
Ana
On August 1, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Marriage, is a social construction. Also, like many social constructions and the social order, it is difficult to liberate yourself from it, because society holds a big pressure on us (coercion). Of course, setting free is not impossible, but it can be hard and sometimes push us toward loneliness, among some other things. Such is the society and it’s conventions’ power.
Anyway, we have to fight for what we believe, we’re not puppets, we can’t accept we are.
If you don’t want to marry (or the opposite) and you’re sure about it, you don’t have to explain yourself to anybody and, definitely, you’re not doomed to failure.
Fenris Wolf
On August 3, 2008 at 3:00 am
J Walker is correct. Unfortunately for this planet, the human race has come to dominate it. Spreading like a cancer over every habitable surface, this sickly race, filled greed and destruction, rapes the land and pollutes the air. Ever fly over L.A? One goes from seeing green, vibrant earth, to a disgusting scab, with brown nasty smoke emanating from of it. And within each of member of this global cancer is a message. A message that is deeply imprinted in their genetic code; constantly and unconsciously, encouraging them to move to a new location, and reproduce. Rinse, Repeat, Reproduce. 6.8 billion terminators and counting. Good bye Earth. Thanks for all the fish.
Yrrab
On August 6, 2008 at 3:39 am
I’m 28, and I’ve been single for nearly 6 years. I find it a lot easier to be single, personally. Being in a relationship is a big resonsibility which I really don’t think I can handle at this point. Yes, there are kids 10 years younger than me that have been in serious relationships for years, but everyone’s different. Some people just prefer to be alone. I think of myself as kind of an unusual person in many ways, a bit of an outsider, so I’m not the kind of person that can get dates easily. Sometimes I get lonely, but most of the time I’m quite comfortable being alone. I love peace and quiet, and having no wife and kids around certainly provides that. The biggest downside to be being alone is lack of sexual activity, but I suppose that’s what masturbation is for. Relationships and marriage are not for everybody. I think it’s better for someone to completely abstain from marriage than to marry just because they feel they’re supposed to. Most people are too quick to jump into marriage, and consequently, divorces are numerous. Most people are in too big a hurry to settle down. With people that I know, there seems to be this unspoken standard that you’re “supposed” to be married by the age of 25/26 and you’re supposed to have your first child by 30. Garbage, I say. It’s a pretty sad thing to feel like you have to live up to other people’s expectations. I am completely rebellious in that regard. I’ll stay single until I’m 55 if I want. If anyone doesn’t like it, then too bad.
Curiepoint
On August 10, 2008 at 9:56 pm
A house-bound cat will live longer because he can only look out on a world he cannot enjoy. Where there is no risk and only the comfort of optimum security and routine, there ia no life.
An outdoor cat will generally live a shorter life. But, in so living, the experience far more of what life has to offer, good or bad.
So, who exactly should I pity more?
It isn’t about how long you live, or how much your health can be quantified as being “good”. Without the flavor of life, there isn’t much opportunity for joy. There are lots of voices out there that will say that your joy comes from raising kids, or owning a home, or having someone to kiss goodnight every night of your life. Granted, many are satisfied with that and nothing more, but no study nor statistical clustering nor analysis can ever quantify what happiness means.
Formal studies of this type amount to nothing more than propaganda. They are trying to sell something to you that you would not have chosen to purchase yourself, and they don’t really amount to much more than other people in one’s life trying to convince you or nag you into marriage. They don’t really care if you personally are happy; they are just deploying the same tactics that they fell for back when they took the plunge. If you buy into it, they have validation of their own lives. If you do not, then they are compelled to face the notion that perhaps they were intensely stupid and would have chosen differently in hindsight.
I have never taken heed of these so-called “experts”, nor bought into the party line. As a single man, I just might die earlier than another of my age who married. But then…which one of us has a defeated look in their eyes for most of their waking moments? Not me.
Sherita
On September 12, 2008 at 9:51 am
Why did I get married because I was in love
mark
On September 21, 2008 at 1:55 pm
love is the same as obsession, we who want to be single and stay single are in control of our emotional response, and have intellignce to decide what is best for us. I always look at those idiots who say they fall in love, both desperate and living life like a film, grow up, your are such show offs, at the wedding day it is all about you, not us, you sit and imagine the best man doing the speach, thinking what he may say about you, the woman will sit and visualise the attention she will get for putting on a stupid dress, you make me sick, you lack mental health, human evolve and grow and divorce statistics are telling you to get out of the fairly tale image of life. Yes we are all different, get married if you want, but remember to think long and hard about yourselfs when you tell your marriage partner off for getting home late, wanting to go out, when you get jealous and imagine the worst, and then you call this LOVE? you make me laugh you wierdo’s ! I am off to see a good looking single girl, have a wild time, she loves it, much cheaper in the end, and I will keep my house, p.s all women are prostitutes anyway, they make you pay for it in the end, men be careful, I never got caught, coz I got intelligence and sense…
sbl
On September 22, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Here’s the thing. Most people make the decision to marry for reasons other than love.
status. protection. convenience. Many people who divorce is because those reasons are not sustainabe. it has to be a balance. One person grows, the other one doesn’t. The permutations of reactions to life and its circumstances is quite large between to people. If the core of each person and their beliefs is very close, then two people can move through their lives together and in tandem in a way that is not parasitic. Being self-aware of what you really want is very key to a good marriage. Women want men you have money … why? because they don’t feel (or have the desire) to be self sufficient. I have been married twice and am now engaged. I never had a wedding. I never bought a dress. I have a CZ ring only as a token. I make a darned good living on my own and so does my fiance. we choose to be together not because we need to be together. I look just as good married as I do single. I am a body builder who works out every day, and I work my mind as an engineer. I take care for myself as I do my family. people voluntarily ‘give up’ who they are when they got married… and stop being themselves. I love to see my partner every day. he’s great. i do things for myself, and so does he. i don’t need sexual attention from others to make me feel good.. most women don’t understand that they will all get old, and no matter how much botox is floating around their faces, it will not erase need or low self-esteem. single people learn to like themsleves and people who are married for so long lose themselves and forget who they really are. then they wake up and are bitter. yikes.
mark
On September 23, 2008 at 2:40 am
great input sbl, I agree, I have friends who have lost themselves when they got married, they changed almost straight away without any concern for their friends who were always there in their life before, then suddenly it is like they dont need you, and I think it is out of a fear that you may be all of a sudden this devil like creature that will snatch them away from their security, their ultimate secret goal in life. Slowly though, I have seen evidence of their suppression. Married people are more lost, more weak then they will ever know.
nawangs
On September 24, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Some married people are happy just as much as some single people.There are various reasons why this is the case. People who marry for the wrong reason willdefinitely be unhappy while single people who feel their lives will not be complete unless they get married will definitely be lees happy.
tawain
On October 15, 2008 at 8:41 am
I believe that many people have there different reasons on getting married. I believe that some can be just as hapy single as they would if they were married. some people fall in love when others are just looking around. but i think a lot of that is true in the fact that people do need someone to come home to everyday someone they can talk o and be with when they need something. When couples have hard times, it never means they dont love each other it just means they need them more than usual.But those who marry for the wrong reasons will usually end up broken. but those who marry for love and everything else they will stay togther longer than those who dont really7 have a relationship in their life. but i believe those who want to be single they can be because its their life and they do what they want with it.
mary!
On October 15, 2008 at 8:55 am
gay marriages rock !
so just go that way
billy goat
On October 15, 2008 at 8:57 am
i think that everyone shold get together and juss have fun. i think i would tap mary!
miss mary!
On October 15, 2008 at 8:58 am
no mr. goat i am gay duh support the gay marriages !! woo gay people rock my world
kumalamamaco
On October 15, 2008 at 9:02 am
yaw are gay
mary!
On October 15, 2008 at 9:04 am
well duh i already admitted top it why haide it rocking the streets the gay way is the best way
zebra
On October 15, 2008 at 9:04 am
miss mary i could turn you straight
billy goat
On October 15, 2008 at 9:04 am
i love mary!!!! and kumalamamaco isnt too bad either.
zebra
On October 15, 2008 at 9:06 am
well I dont like you goat anyways….you are just mad I am not going to turn YOU straight
Founder-Jim Hnson
On October 15, 2008 at 9:06 am
you children need to leave this site now! you ARE NOT permitted to be hear!!! any more comments and i will search your IP code and tell the FEDS!
billy goat
On October 15, 2008 at 9:07 am
or im straight as a board. hey did you bend my board???
Founder-Jim Hnson
On October 15, 2008 at 9:08 am
jk
stupid kids
Founder-Jim Hnson
On October 15, 2008 at 9:09 am
i know who you are brandi
kumalamamaco
On October 15, 2008 at 9:12 am
we arent stupid kids. we can be HERE if we want to
Zebra
On October 15, 2008 at 9:12 am
yall are gay
Founder-Jim Hnson
On October 15, 2008 at 9:13 am
i’ve searched everything about you even your middle name!
it’s marae
Founder-Jim Hnson
On October 15, 2008 at 9:13 am
See now I am the founder
Ms. Lulu
On October 15, 2008 at 9:15 am
Whats going on here?
Founder-Jim Hnson
On October 15, 2008 at 9:15 am
Yall are still gay…okay how stupid do yall think I am
Lauren
Courtney
Ms. Lulu
On October 15, 2008 at 9:18 am
Why have you given your name out on here?
Woodgeek
On October 30, 2008 at 5:47 am
Marriage was designed by insane women’s fathers to get them off the books and onto the back of the men they marry. I got suckered into falling in love with an alcoholic psycho would would turn into a spouse batterer (probably borderline personality disorder). She took half my life savings (viva California “family court”… not) she attacked my family, she wrecked my career, she turned my friends on me, and she destroyed nearly every aspect of my life. Thank gawd I could afford (barely) at the time to get rid of her. But the experience is a very bitter-making one.
Brett
On November 19, 2008 at 4:56 pm
I am a single father and only my son lives with me all but 4 days per month. Your article is great if we all lived in 1940’s America. Unfortunately that is a thing of the past and none of your theories apply to me directly. I would say that spending time after work with my son is very enlightening and even more so enlightening than a wife would be because his open mind and heart have taught me much more that an adult never could have. Don’t get me wrong, you’re on the right path with human needs but you are trying to point to specific items familar in your life and that is limitting your ability to understand the broader picture of what human needs really are.
Richard
On December 2, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Marriage can be a beautiful thing. I think marriages are bad and people have the wrong expectations due to articles and misleading cultural influences like this. Which is why people go into marriage only to get a divorce. Marriage does not solve your all your loneliness nor your problems. Those problems don’t just go away because your married. You eventually loose the flames, and all the chemical feelings that you had no control over eventually wear out. It’s then you choose to love someone, as your own chose is what you do have control over. Showing love to someone by caring for them even when they are not so lovable, making time for them. I’ve been married for over 30 years. We’ve had our ups and downs but just like we both vowed, through thick and thin. Loving my wife is the best promise I’ve ever made, because of the amazing relationship we have from enduring our hardships.
Don’t believe in fairy tales, it’s going to be work but it’s worth it. You will be happy and then unhappy just like you were when you were single. That’s life. Might as share life with someone. Just an old man ranting… =)
Masud
On December 9, 2008 at 2:51 am
I think being married isn’t so great after all.
I have been married for two years, and this whole time my wife has just picked on me for every little thing I am doing. I have no time alone, only for me. When I am doing my own hobbies, I am always distracted.
I am hopeless.
nima
On December 23, 2008 at 6:59 pm
thanks for writing so many good thing and usefull information about marrige
aubrey lynn faaita
On January 14, 2009 at 6:53 am
well being a single is a beautiful in life bec. you can do whatever you want
Gajendra
On January 18, 2009 at 9:50 am
People get married because they want someone to witness their lives. I am not criticizing the marriage but I just do not agree with the author. You question anyone,” dear, why did you marry?” and their faces will be as blank as the snow. They just do not have any clue. The cheesiest response would be to share and being together. Sharing is nothing but it is euphemising the approval-seeking behaviour of human-being. We need someone to give a nod to our deeds; we always like to have votes in our favour, don’t we?
Single people ( I refer to people who wish to stay single) are more thoughtful and rational. The life is much more enthralling and exciting as single, as you do not have to think twice. People excuse marriage through loneliness. Think again, we are always alone. Your wife may be there to listen to you but it is you who has to act.
Most of us get married without any reason. I questioned it and I face a lot of criticism from my friends and family. But change always invites turbulence. I am ready to take it head-on and will argue until they can convince me. I know they will not be, as they themselves do not know the logic.
I love to stay single and alone. I feel happier when I am alone. I am healthy. I do not have any such addictions. I have got great will-power and I do not want to have any kids. I manage my finances really well. Tell me why should I get married.
vince
On February 5, 2009 at 1:29 am
wow..!! this article is very nice coz everyone can express their own belief about marriage…good..!!!
ntobe
On February 5, 2009 at 2:33 pm
well, i mst say that marriage is safe. so ya thumps up for marriege
fred turd (chismetime.com)
On February 5, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Lol. This is such bull it’s ridiculous.
stevedccc
On February 10, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Many singles believe that family holds you back. Nothing is further from the truth. My children provide unmeasurable laughter and memories. I think it\’s sad when people never experience this through family tradition. Do I have bad days where I wondered hwat things would be like if I had taken the sigle course..Sure? In the end, there is no doubt that the marriage experience especially with kids is unexplainable. I still go out with friends and don\’t feel like I\’m missing anything when I\’m home saturday night. I lived the single life but then I grew up and realized that life is about sharing.
JACK
On February 12, 2009 at 6:13 am
HI
Hoss
On February 25, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Well I wanted to get married at first but now I dont know, Im not rich and all women want to marry a rich guy. I know that I dont want to have kids because I dont think I can give them everything they want “that takes money too”. I think im an ok of a guy no drugs or drinking it just seems like you need to be rich in order to get married.
Tom
On March 11, 2009 at 10:44 am
In the beginning, monogamy as we have it today did not exist. In those days, people engaged in free sex. The children could only identify their mother, not their father. With the gradual increases in productivity, there were surplus products. Then came private property. Man, particularly, possessed more private property. Man hoped that after he died, his offspring would inherit his property. He had to have at least one woman who would have sex with him only; this was how he could guarantee that the children produced by this woman were his offspring. That was the genesis of monogamy. The purpose of a wedding is for the bridegroom to warn other men: Do not touch my woman! To reduce arousal among non-couples, people had to cover up their genitals with clothing. Being naked used to be normal; not anymore. People began to feel ashamed of their naked body. Had there not been any constraints, free sex would have been the natural sexual relations. Monogamy is incompatible with human nature. The vows and oaths by both parties in a wedding are all lies. Everyone who is married or has been married is a liar, myself included. Those who will get married are future liars. People call the society of liars “civilized society”, and the society of those who tell the truth “savage society.”
MrCritic
On March 18, 2009 at 9:32 pm
I think the article would be more convincing if the author had put in actual references or links to the sources of the \”Scores of studies done in North America and Western Europe\”. If the point was to build a case for marriage based on scientific reasoning then adding references lends credibility. Without them, it is obvious that the intent of the article is propaganda and nothing more.
Show everyone the data and let them judge for themselves. If the sources show a significant statistical advantage one way or another, maybe we should then reconsider one way of living over another. Otherwise just keep living life the way you are if you are enjoying it.
sexeyk
On March 22, 2009 at 7:27 pm
i think marriage helps to give persons a reason for livivng.however what i come to realize is that being with a person for a few years and not spending most time together being in love becomes being out of love. when that someone show little or no intrest in treating you good it also send you to look for love in the wrong places which will later cause a divorce.getting married is one thing but keeping up with doing the nice that has lead up to marriage is where things normally goes wrong.
Sad
On March 24, 2009 at 3:05 am
I’m single,43 Asian Lady. Being single to me is lonely, sad and miserable. Colleague and Friends look me as weird person and keep on insulting me for my “single” status. I feel very left out and ever think of commit suicide. If times can rewind back to Year 1994, I will grab the chance to know that guy who is my good friend’s husband friend and if can get along with him, maybe I’m now married with few kids. At that time, I’m quiet and am not outgoing person. I gone out with him without eye contact and do not know what to talk to him. He thought I’m not interested in him and wanted to send me back after his meal. I remembered his car’s tyre punctured and he told me to wait so that he could make a phone call to his brother for help. At that time, my mind was troubled by many family problems and I just left without waiting for him. Thereafter, he complained to my friend and give up on me. In the past, I was very dumb and did not have the courage to ask my friend for his contact. I did call his office (working as a civil servant-Government Job)but not able to contact him as the department is too big and I’m not sure about his Sir Name. I just simply give up and did not have the courage to call my friend for his contact. Right now my tears is flowing out again……, Jason, if times can rewind back, do you give me “One More Chance”? I’m only awake for my mistake after he got married in Year 1995 after meeting one lady only in half a year time. I felt heart pain and lost my weight from 44kg to 39kg and suffered from a long period of sadness.
Now, I live with regrets………,without a happy family, my life is lonely,sadness and miserable.
Gajendra
On March 25, 2009 at 3:39 am
@SAD
I am sorry for your sadness but I guess you are not respecting your life. Our lives are in our hands. We can always instill great interest and fervour, provided we are willing too. There is no point in mourning over the past. You can never be sure about anyone; may be the person from whom you are asking for another chance could not stand upto your expectations………Chasing is always fun…the moment you get hold of whatever you are chasing, you simply forget about it. There is so much to deliver in life if you are willing too. Learn music and teach others……..write something…express yourself……….help others in this mean world…….love your life…..love animals……love plants and flowers………love nature………when something goes wrong, people blame you……they are the same people who have promised to be with you in bad times…….world is mean and cruel and everyone is looking to satiate their motives only……..I feel nothing wrong in being single…….I am a free bird……..I love my life like anything……I put my best efforts in the respective fields and I hold myself responsible for my success and failure………that is being responsible…….there is nothing to regret….as far as women are concerned, they have an aboriginal inclination of family, children etc….so cannot help !!! But its awesome to be Single !!!
SAD
On March 25, 2009 at 4:38 am
Hi Gajendra
Thanks for your comments and words of console and advice.
Maybe, we are at different points of view. You enjoy your single life but me is not enjoying. I always feel very left out with friends, relatives and colleagues who always talk about their kids and husbands. I feel that I’m from isolated place. Sometimes, I just like to hide myself due to my “single” status.
Life can’t be rewind, if can, I will grab the chance again for that guy.
I’m from a Small Asian Country and a Single Old Lady, therefore I feel very pressurized with those peoples gossiping about my status.
Being single is no good. I was hospitalized for a few times, seeing other patients with husband and kids visiting them. Me, laying at the bed, at that moment, the loneliness was attacking me.
Maybe, I should seek your advice to change my mindset.
Thanks n Best Regards
Sad
Gajendra
On March 25, 2009 at 8:21 am
@Sad
Well, I understand your feelings as they are pretty natural. But you are letting outside world to poke finger on your face. We all are special in our own ways. You are unique and you must be great at something. Try out new things. Visit new places…if your pocket allows you to do so.
You are God’s child and therefore you are awesome in so many ways. I have also been through depression but I always give impetus to myself that I am not a weak guy to give up. I do not let anyone or anything overpower me. I will take the blows of life and will move on. Staying single is not common in our society and hence you face a lot of criticism. But I am not scared of it because I question them and they do not have answers.
I am not advocating to stay single. It is just that society should not pressurize these things. It should be left to the discretion of the individual. If you need a partner, go ahead. But for me, marriage is like you need someone to witness your life, your acts and everything that you do.
I do not share with anyone because I am responsible for all my actions and their outcomes and ultimately I have to solve my problems. People leave you when you need them most….in the sense when you need someone to help you out from doldrums. But people with die hard attitude just go on and on achieve big things before they realize that they have achieved it.
I fully respect your feelings but this is how I look at life. I do not want to think twice before doing anything in my life. I just go ahead with anything. This keeps me unbiased in so many ways.
“Its not how hard you hit but how hard you can take it…..get up and move on–thats life” – courtsey – Rocky VI
If I am able to help you in any sense, I would be happy to do that.
Sad
On March 25, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Hi Gajendra
Again, thanks for your kind advice.
Maybe, as a guy and maybe you are from Western Country, the pressure and gossips that you are facing is not that great impact. As an old lady and from Asian Country, the pressure and gossips that I’m facing is somethings like heavy stone stabbing in my heart.
The blame is on me, I did not grab the good opportunity. Chance won’t come back twice to you. Life is incomplete without having a family and reaching the state of being grandmother.
What to do, everything can’t be rewind, time and tide wait for no man, when I realize my mistakes, everything is already too late.
Anyway, once again, thanks for your advice.
Warmest Regards
Sad
Gajendra
On March 25, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Hi Mam
I am not from any Western Country but from one of the Asian countries….where I guess it is the toughest to stay single…..So the place does not hold good……….
We change every moment…..so there is not point in blaming and criticizing yourself……..
Time and tide wait for no one….right……..but there’s gonna be another tide and another moment…….would you like to waste that moment in grinding yourself against your past….or would do something to cheer up or make others cheerful……..It is never too late to start……..
I am no one to advice but just my personal feelings……no matter how hard you try, you cannot keep others happy….but we never stop doing that……..
Why do we always ignore ourselves…..let the people gossip because we need stupids and idiots also to define sanity……….
Your statements shows that everything has been taken away from you…….but hey……..everything happens for good…you may not realize it immediately but one day sitting peacefully, when you look back………you will realize that it wasn’t that bad either…….
All you need is to be strong……….
Sad
On March 25, 2009 at 11:43 pm
Hi Gajendra
Yes, agreed with you, must be strong against those insulting gossips.
Guessing game, you should be from Malaysia, India or Singapore.
Or maybe the same country as me.
Take Care
Gajendra
On March 26, 2009 at 12:36 am
I am from India…these days in Singapore….drop me a mail at gajendra.fo@gmail.com
SAD
On March 26, 2009 at 3:51 am
Hi Gajendra
Yes, actually I got six sense your are from India.
Ok, will drop you a mail some other days as I’m rushing some of my urgent paper work before I go for my holidays.
Gajendra
On March 26, 2009 at 10:14 am
No problem……….
Enjoy the life to the fullest……….because life is awesome and
……………I am loving it…..
philly don
On March 29, 2009 at 9:18 pm
to the writer i think you are rite about some things writen but u are wrong on so many levels
yes if u walk into a pub u will find single people there getting drunk n havin fun
but am sure if u do a survey u will find married people ther to doin the same(probably cause there unhappy at home)
i have been in lots of serious long relationships in my life as well i have also been single lots of times as well
i am a 25 year old with two beautiful kids i love to death n wouldnt trade for the world
if we analize this futher God (in the bible) had it designed for women n man to be companion(together)
for at first the first man (adam) was created alone and because of this loniless he knew it was not good
and women was created to help ease that pain
so we were created to share this life with some1 else
its jus that the world changed people changed n the meaning of love marrige has also changed
dont get me wrong i love workin n makin my own $ n bein independent i love that that change came n women r not jus in the home makin babies cookin n cleanin like we r ment to b
bt then again i can n often do (jus like am sure all women do) get tired of it n wish i had a man to supply all my needs its not a bad thing ladies its in our nature because we were not designed for it
n bein independent changed that
people use the word love so freely now that just about ever1 they meet they love
this is why we make the mistake n marry n e 1 not the 1 we were ment to
why because we dont know what love is we dont really know what it feels like or what it looks like
we jus have these thoughts in our mind bt we dont kno
so we marry liers cheaters abusers trying n hopin to change them because its what we call love
this is why were in the pub drinkin our problems away
because the life we live we are not ment to men or women
we are not ment to be alone and single y else do u explain so many people all over the world if were not all here to be with some 1
tell me something all the single people out ther includin me we say if we ask married people y r they married they wont kno
now ask urself y r u single
am sure we can give a million answers
now ask urself this is there any single people out there that are single but have a “friend” u kno those special ones with benifets or a boyfriend or girlfriend or some 1 we have a crush or or watch porn and get off i mean to say n e single person ot there that dont long for the company of some 1 else even if it is once in every blu moon for what ever reason
i mean r all single people virgins n dont have booty calls or go on dates n hope to have sex with the person afta
i am sure not we all r guilty of it from time to time so doest that tell us that bein single is not healthy n doesnt it make us look crazy n dumb
arnt we contradictin everyting we say about bein single when we do this
so y r single people in the pub gettin drunk because they to r not really happy
i say we stay in the age we r livin live for love be happy
n its not a fairy tale yes u will have problems n disagreements bt its all apart of livin
look for love with our hearts n not minds the way (god) intended
n how do we kno its love
it was given to us in the holy bible said by the apostle paul
in 1corinthians chap 13/1-13
1. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity (love) I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains,( Mt. 17.20 ; 21.21 · Mk. 11.23) and have not charity(love) I am nothing.
3. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity(love) it profiteth me nothing.
4. ¶ Charity(love) suffereth long, and is kind; charity(love) envieth not; charity(love) vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5. doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6. rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7. beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8. ¶ Charity(love) never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12. For now we see through a glass, darkly, but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13. And now abideth faith, hope, charity(love) these three; but the greatest of these is charity(love).
so u see without love we have nothing n we can never really be complete n am not sayin if ur not with some1 ur not not complete or something is wrong with u
but your not “really” complete until u find and ur with that rite some1 the person who understands u betta then n e 1 ever has that sum1 that can finnish ur sentences that can give you a foot rub afta a long days work with out u askin that person that knows when to hold tight n wen to let go the person that is not jelous or envious
the person ur always ur self around n they r the same with u
as long as u find that person that u can see all of these attributes in n u r the same with them then thats the one
n u will no longer wish to be single for u will have all u need
n u wont be married in the pub gettin drunk cause youll hav all u need at home
n yea i kno am not sayin if u find this person ur life will be perfect n u wont have problems n arguments cause u will
thats the point because u r two different people with diff ideas n belifs
bt its that love n understandin thatll allow u both 2 agree to disagree n yea sum1 mite spend a nite or two on the couch but its that love that will withstand it all n make the makin up part a whole lot sweeter.
so bein single is good when u r bt i encourge ever1 in the world to search 4 love (the tru meanin of it) n wen u find it hold on to it n dont let it go (marry) it lol
n then ull see what u have truely been missin
n dont stop if u hav to break a few hearts on the way or urs is it only makes it betta n u apprieciate it more when u do find it
jus ask the folks thats been in it for 10/15/20/or those for 50 years i bet they wont trade it 4 the world
bt if u r single now do u love u n take the best care of u cause really rite now all u really do have is you
philly don
Gajendra
On April 1, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Hi Philly Don
Well, your statements make sense and I do not want to argue on the same. The question is do we “need” someone or we “want” someone?
When you allow someone to be the part of your life, it is that you are making yourself habitual of him/her. Nothing is right or wrong; it is all contextual but the point is that life is very much individualistic and we got to achieve and make things happen on our own. Sharing and making each other happy is a farce; it is like spinning at a spot; you’ll sweat but reach nowhere.
Everyone wants their expectations from you to be fulfilled and you are a good-being. What if your natural-being is not acceptable to the majority? Most of the times we kill our unique identity and follow the band-wagon and we have just finished ourselves. All these relations are at the mercy of time and time is really cruel. The true colours are always gaudy and flashy for eyes.
Being single and being yourself. Be strong to face the world and give your best shot. Be equal to everyone and not that “someone special” (I personally hate these words) for one particular being.
Life will always be more rewarding and I bet there will be less grumbling and cripping.
Regards
Gajendra
Syrie
On April 2, 2009 at 5:18 pm
I am in my early thirties and have not seriously dated since I was 21. I have gone on dates over the years, but never felt the need for anything serious. I am in the Navy and travel a lot. I love being single with no children. I don’t have to worry about snot nosed brats running around in my way or a husband to worry about. I can move whenever and wherever I am assigned or where I want without having to worry about uprooting anyone else. I can stay out late without a husband wondering where I am at. My house is always clean and I drive a new car because I don’t have to worry about buying anything for kids. I eat wherever and whatever I want. I have plenty of time and energy for exercis. The single life ROCKS!
Gajendra
On April 3, 2009 at 6:29 am
Hi Syrie
I completely agree with you !!
It is all in the mind. It is only we who create the need and it is only we who can demolish the same.
Life is all a mind-game.
The way you suggest it, the way you are going to act!!
Mohan
On April 10, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Hi I m agree with u
I wan to suggest them who says single is better than married
but I glad to tell this Bcoz this pepole are telling like this
bcoz they dont have exprience of married life
bob
On April 24, 2009 at 2:29 am
Been married once, it was great! Everything i wished for! But, Never again. Sorry ladies! I think women overrate how much happiness they bring to mans life. Take a harder look at yourselves, and try to be honest about it, its ok not to admit it to anyone else, but please, be honest with yourselves. Marriage is a financial arrengement. Thats all. If you dont think so, why dont you pay your own bills at the bar, or restaurant, just to be fair, and tell your man you want his love and nothing else. Always. But its about sharing of course! He shares his money, while you ladies share you know what. So good luck to you ladies and gentelman who believe you, that they getting something special,and so is the next guy, and the next. The true definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again,and expecting differrent result.
GodRules
On April 24, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Without God, we are all doomed with destruction and bad relationships. Marriage is the greatest invention and just because time changes doesn’t mean the structure of marriage should be shunned. Marriage is sacred and is for serious, intelligent, well-committed people who believe in God.
The problem with today’s families is the structure of families – people having sex like rabbits and making babies left and right out of wed-lock and following Hollywood hypes. A smart individual knows Hollywood is not reality for the rest of us and knows Hollywood is filled with injected fake bodies and adopted babies and cheating spouses. A smart individual does not fall into these traps and does not uses excuses to fall into these traps. We need to be responsible individuals and take into account that the structure of the family is the most important in determining our happiness. Where there is structure and order, there is less confusion and less radical behaviors. Go to college, open your mind but also open your heart and let go of the stereotypes of this world and commit to religion with reason. We are doomed without religion and education. Have kids when you get married don’t just pop them out because you think you can handle it by yourself, or if not getting married, adopt a child from people that have kids out of wed-lock and realize after the bloodshed that they can’t afford them.
More money, more problems…more sex partners, more problems. So commit to one person, have children, work through your problems, and be faithful. Stop making excuses and acting like a Hollywood bum. There is a reason why European children are more educated- their family structure is in order and parents are educated, hard-working, and loving- American parents slack in these departments and hence, their children are suicidal, druggies, failing in school. NEO-STRUCTURE FAMILIES IS WHAT WORKS, EDUCATION IS WHAT WORKS, STAYING FAITHFUL IS WHAT KEEPS AIDS FROM SPREADING. LIVE YOUR ONE LIFE WITH ONE PERSON AND YOU WILL LIVE A ONE HAPPY LIFE. AND BELIEVE IN GOD.
IG
On April 26, 2009 at 8:39 am
Why do you need a spouse, if you can cook, clean, do laundry, take the garbage out, walk/run the dog, keep yourself in good shape, earn money, keep track of money, save money and overall just self reliant in pretty much every aspect of life?
GodRulz
On April 27, 2009 at 3:10 pm
IG:
You don’t need a spouse to be happy nor is anyone telling you to have a spouse. If you like to live your life by yourself, then power to ya.
live life
On May 25, 2009 at 7:44 pm
I truly believe that life is about happiness…DO WANT MAKES YOU HAPPY,NOT YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, OR TO FIT IN…. We have to remember to be careful of who we share are relationships with not everyone has had successful verses non successful relationships….everyones experiences are DIFFERENT and can affect them differently….Soo, with that said if getting married is not for you…DONT DO IT!….IF IT IS,DO IT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS!…I think pre-marital counseling is WONDERFUL…Dont wait until your at the end of no return!…get everything out in the beggining to truly understand one another without biases of one another…. or on the flip side which is not a bad thing… maybe marriage can wait awhile…No Rush, No Hurry…..At least you will know where you would like to take the relationship from there…BE HAPPY!
Richa
On May 27, 2009 at 6:32 am
I think marriage is no longer has remained an institution… I have been married from past 6months and have started feeling that the life was much better, before… I don know about the men but definitely a woman’s freedom, individuality, power to speak her mind out, when ever she wants, everything goes into a garbage bin…. The sole motto of her becomes to keep everybody happy… I know it sounds very filmy, but thats the truth in our society….
Being single gives a lot of dignity and freedom to do whatever one wants…
If anybody, ( especially a girl), wants to be in a self imposed exile then she should marry….
Know what?? The sufferings of being single are much less than that of being married…
Gajendra
On June 3, 2009 at 4:09 am
@ Richa
I absolutely agree with your comments. I can understand what you want to communicate as we both know our society and that is the point I am emphasizing here for a long period. When people think about marriage, they picture everything rosy but the reality is far away. People are afraid of themselves and they want someone to take care of them. In general, people doubt their self-confidence that they can take care of themselves and they are better off alone. But may be due to the conditioning of the society, they inculcate that fear or whatever you want to name it. They cannot imagine themselves being happy and alone. I am single and my all the colleagues are married or about to get but as far as happiness is concerned, I do not feel if I am missing out on anything. Moreover, I can maintain my relationships better rather than sticking myself to just one. I appreciate what you are going through and it is really difficult to girls after marriage. Marriage is a full-stop on their life.
Jason
On June 17, 2009 at 11:30 am
Im 30 years old and feel I am a pretty intelligent person, I always said growing up that I would never get married based on what I witnessed from my own parents. I dated a few girls over my lifetime and never saw any kind of future with them and would tell them to their face, were not getting married. Then I met my current girlfriend and all of that changed, suddenly I was envisioning our kids and our future… I didnt ask for this, it just happened. I know marriage is important to her (although shes not a nag about it). Now I can get scared, break up and go back to being single (I have no issues being alone, I like myself and enjoy my company) or I can follow my heart and achieve the visions that are in my mind (our future). I am somebody who loves writing songs and having time to be creative, part of being in a relationship for me is giving up some of that time but NEVER in the 3 years Ive been with my girl has she ever told me not to write music, she encourages it… the time I give up is time I enjoy with her (its a trade off) but shes not needy or clingy. I just need to balance my time, when I was single I could waste my time and still have time to be creative… now I just need to cut the wasting part out (no big loss). Ive written some great songs while being with her, my creativity hasnt stopped… my song topics have (not as depressing, yeah I know… those are the best songs!!). Do I think married life will be work and demand more of my time, yes I do… but I also feel if there is respect for things that make one happy there will always be time to do what you love. People defending both positions to justify their actions are all wrong… just do what you feel is right in your heart and you will never be wrong. Im getting married next year, proposed in March… scary? yes, but it feels right to me. Conformity is complying to standards, my standards were to stay single and not get married. Then I was challenged to be courageous and to dive into the world I never imagined as a youngster. Its all about perspective, single or not… fear is what stops people from living the lives they envision.
nafan
On June 21, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Isn’t it a religious thing? so why do unreligious people get married?
Traveling Gringo
On June 23, 2009 at 2:30 am
Im 30 years old and am happily single. I have no urge to get married despite family and societal pressure. The reason I am not married is because it does not permit me to enjoy my hobbies which is traveling and fighting/training mix martial arts. I travel internationally about 5 times a year (which also include residence in Colombia and Costa Rica)and I find my life very enlightened and fullfilled. I love the freedom I have from the single life and the adventure life has to offer. Everyday is different unlike married life. I make love to beautiful young exotic looking chicks while my married friend make love to their overweight whale looking old wives. In fact most of the married men I know always tell me to not get married. Keep your frredom, independence and shine on. The sky is the limit!
junglemug
On June 26, 2009 at 8:43 pm
its all about men, what about women? is it the other way around?
Everton
On June 28, 2009 at 3:44 am
Call me old-fashioned,but marriage should be for love,not the pinky-frothy fluff,but genuine,committed love.I’m single,balanced and contented,yet according to the writer,I should be a sad,lonely and disperate individual,prone to bouts of drunkeness and chronically unhealthy.On the contrary,I’m a commited Christian who lives a responsible life and doesn’t engage in risky or reckless behaviors of any kind.Does that make me an oddball among singles?
Doubless to say marrige has many benefits,but I really believe people should examine their motives for marrying before making such a serious,lifetime commitment.Do you want to marry for sexual gratification?Security?Convenience?Respectability?What?
Will a marriage partner really make you happier?Are you happy and secure within yourself NOW? How do you relate to and treat other people around you now?Men and women,if you’re unhappy,selfish,immature and miserable now,you’re likely to be that way in marriage!A wife/husband isn’t some magic bullet or quick fix to your problems.
Remember:it is better to enter heaven without a marriage partner than to be in hell with one.Think about it.
Ken Stevens
On June 29, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Frankly, I don’t care anymore at this point. I’ve been struggling financially for close to 20 years, settling for work paying far less than what my college education should have enabled me to obtain.
The last of my parents passed away a few months ago, and now there is not even the hope of seeing either of them spend quality time with their grandchildren.
What do I care about getting married or whether I produce another generation?
kathryn
On July 15, 2009 at 11:16 pm
i cant have kids, literally cant,i am 34 and still singe i have been single my whole life never had a bf or husband or been on a date and too many people blame me or ask me if i am shy
i am unnatractive and somewhat fat and but i havvent always been overweight but ugly yes,
i have 2 cats but coming home to an empy apt(set aside the cats) is very lonely. i am very lonely and well have been told by christian extremists that god has called me to be single and to accept it. being single no dobtedly has caused my depression, comments from othere peope who are not friends, its not good for my healt physical or emotional or psychological. its really bothering so much, i talk out loud, not necessarily to anyone and i am not talking to myself or my cats just talking out loud to no one, i am very lonely and people think i have a choice
hmm a choice is between 2 or more options i have never had a choice
am i supposed to believe i am going to be alone for the rest of my life
why on earht would god call someone to be single and alone
he said its not good for man to be alone
and they are fin idiots who think the same god has called me to be alone
my anxiety is thru the roof becuase i worry it will never happen to me
and its looking like it never will
its a complete fallacy that there is someone out there for everyone yeah sure
poeple who have someone say so
hmm and where exactly am i to find this person
and how the hell do i know if i meet this person
i am very lonely and yeah its taken a toll on me for years and years and years
i have hep c
but that wont kill me
this loneliness and feeling so alone and isolated will
people think oh god is your husband
oh really what is he to single guys their wife?
s kirby
On July 17, 2009 at 12:10 pm
kathryn,
I’m married and didn’t find a husband until I was 36. I just wanted to clarify something that you have been told. God can never be your husand, but he can give you peace about your situation (singleness). The relationship that people have with each other is a physical one. The relationship that you have with God is Spiritual. I would like to encourage you to find out what you love about yourself. We all have some gift or talent. Work on loving you, because I want to tell everyone that is single and want to get married because they are lonely. Marriage without self-love is more lonely than singleness. Marriage is a wonderful thing but a constant reminder of your short comings. If you think you are ugly and fat now. imagine a upset husand, because he had a bad day at work or got stuck in traffic reminding you how fat and ugly you really are. And if you don’t think it would happen because he loves you, don’t be mistaken by the love on tv. People tend to hurt the ones they love the most!!! Because if you truly love someone, you hang on to every word that person says. God is love, peace, and joy!!!!
Parul
On July 20, 2009 at 8:00 pm
I don’t want to be single. I want to get married.
Muah
On July 22, 2009 at 10:41 am
I thought that this article was pretty impressive. It was a lot of fun reading actually, but I have to disagree, being divorced can actually be a lot more healthier then being married. since I have been divorced I have been living a carefree exciting life on my own with my two kids. and getting a divorce was the best thing that I could have ever done for them!!! i finally know who I am again and I thank the lord for giving me the strength that I needed to leave him again. But you know, everones situation is different. Im writting and preparing for a speech right now as to why divorce can be a great thing!!
Kevin
On July 25, 2009 at 9:43 pm
well the one thing no one talks about is the fact that people are pressured to get married because age has a way of making us less appealing and taking away our options for companionship. Marriage give us some degree of guarantee for companionship at the point in our lives when our ability to attract the opposite sex has diminished.
So i agree that single has its benefits but the it has its rish of increased loneliness in later years.
Brad
On July 29, 2009 at 9:02 pm
well I have been in numerous relationships in my life. Been married once and talking to one of my exs about getting married again. I myself am happiest when I have someone with me. Someone who I can cuddle with at night. Someone who I have to come home to.
But at the same time, I have gotten along so far in my life without a person with me. While I enjoy having someone to come home, I don’t absolutely need a person to come home to. That is just an extra added bonus for me.
So I guess I can say that I have experienced the perks of both a single life and a married lifeand therefore to me, one is not better than the other. I have enjoyed both. Loneliness is only a state of mind ad can be overpowered if you have enough willpower. And eveyone can develop enough willpower to overcome any situation.
Suicide is nothing but a selfish act in order to rid yourself of your problems. People have problems in their life because of the choices that they make in their lives and cannot blame anyone but theirselves. Overcoming these obsticles can lead to a more fulfilling life whether you have someone there or not.
Find something about you that you enjoy. I’m a musician and I find my own music to be soothing. At some point in everyone’s life, they will find someone that gives them the whole butterflies in the stomach feeling. You are truely blessed if you find someone who feels the same way.
I am blessed to know that I am finally communicating with the only girl in my life who has ever given me that feeling now. My friends and family HATE her, but when love…True love is present. You will no longer care for anyone else’s approval but that person’s. That person will become the only thing that matters to you. You”ll find yourself not caring for anyone but that person because that person is the only person who makes you happy. You would feel lost in the world without that person. Emotions will overcome you like you have never felt them before.
It’s hard to describe the feeling of love but one thing is for sure and that is that this is an overwhelming feeling when it hits you and I would love nothing more than to continue to feel this feeling every day for the rest of my life. Because to me, this feeling is something that I have longed for my entire life and it is a feeling I never want to lose. When you find that special someone that gives you this feeling. You’ll know that this truey is the person you were meant to be with.
When you break up with the person and the break up is devastating and yet fate always seems to bring the two of you together. You know you have a life partner there. Now maybe this person isn’t the one you marry but yet for some reason you still seem to be spending your whole lives together from that point.
I know when I marry this person that my friends and family are going to hate me for it. But love does make people do some dumb things in their lives. But Love is also the one thing that bonds a relationship together. Makes it last a long time. Now Love isn’t guarenteed to last forever. But it is a feeling that no one ever truely wants to get rid of. Love is an addiction. And I am speaking on behalf of myself and others like me when I say that once you get the feeling, you try anything and everything to make it last. Because once it is gone, you never know when the love bug might strike again.
Sorry I have posted such a long reply but after reading some of the comments, I just had to put something down on this.
I am 25
male
single
no kids
married once
and getting married within the next, regardless of how much my family and friends will hate me for it. They can kiss my @$$.
Brad
On July 29, 2009 at 9:03 pm
year*
mandy
On July 30, 2009 at 12:11 pm
I think that you should always go with your heart because it will never lie to you and when you do find that person you want to spend the rest of your life with you will know.I have thought i was in love so many times but i found out that it was puppy love and there is only one person out there for me and i am not scared to say his name because i love him all my heart and his name is brad. He means so much to me and he is the only one that makes my heart beat fast and slow at the same time and I love that about him. I guess all I am trying to say is to follow your heart.
blondie
On August 15, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Through all the years of knowing many, many married people, only 3 couples were happy. In all 3 instances, the husbands died. All other’s wished they were single again. I’m single and would like a male companion but not marriage.
Katt
On August 26, 2009 at 7:29 am
I am a 31-year-old female in a 2-year-relationship with a 36-year-old man who proposed to me 2-weeks into our courtship. I said let’s take things slow and give it a year at least. A year became 2 years.
I don’t even know if I want to get married to him or my reason for wanting to get married to him, except for the fact that
(a) almost 95% of the people that I know of, my schoolmates, ex-boyfriends, current and former colleagues, friends are married. ( Peer, environmental and society-related pressure)..
{ Even my best buddy has just made it official. The extremely overweight guy that I know has also joined the club. The guy that I’ve known for 10 years, whom to me looks like an emotionless fella uncapable of a relationship is suddenly in a relationship with a girl in view of marriage. That promiscuous girl I know who is always in an on/off relationship with her boyfriend has just gone on an impromptu marriage registration. Even those that I thought are not gonna get hitched, well apparently they’ve procreated and now tiny tots graced their lives… }
and (b) I am tired to start another relationship. My best buddy said ( and I think it has some truth in it ) — the longer you wait, you won’t get the creamer.
So there you have it — 2 reasons: Not wanting to be left-out, too tired to go through it all again.
Katt
kathryn Matheny
On September 4, 2009 at 6:20 am
there are chrstians out there who dont care about ones well being so it seems, they think god wants certain poeple to be alone, to be single do devote their whole time to god – fine for them, not for me!!!! i single, been single my whole life – and there are some who think i can actually do something about it – ok poeple i can try to do something about it but there are factors outside of my control that i can do nothing about – not everyone who is single is chosing to be single – i cant possibly be the only one on this planet who is single but doenst choose to be single- i am not gorgeous, i am fat, and no not to overeating – to most of my prior meds having weight gain as a major side affect- thats cause not laming blame
i dont have the option of getting married
its not that simple
actually its not simple at all
there is no way i can find another person who will voluntary be with me and there are annoying people who take the opposing side of me regardless saying well its not their fault
ok its my fault? as if
actually its their fault – the annoying ones
for being annyoing and taking the side of a hypothetcal
“person”
there seems to be a choice being made in me being single
however ITS NOT MY CHOICE
one more thing
there are people saying we always have a choice(um no )
they might as well say hello to cinderally in fairy tale land
thanks
Brad
On September 14, 2009 at 7:24 pm
update to the Mandy posting from a little over a month ago. She left me for a crack head at a crack house. Goes to show you that ppl aren’t always what they make themselves out to be.
But anyways, I know this post is a little off topic but I felt I had to post it anyways.
This isn’t the first time this has happened. Imagine if I would have actually gotten married to this girl. What an idiot I would have been…
Jessie Leeon Hardin Jr.
On September 14, 2009 at 9:33 pm
This girl Mandy told me we was going to be together forever and that she will love me until the day we die. Well guess what she lied to me i was with this girl for 2 years on and off she said we was going to get married so on our supposed to be engagement i went out and got her an anniversary gift it was a pair of earings. We were engaged before but then she cheated on me several times with several of my friends i even lost friends because of her. She puts it out there like she loved me but love was just a game to her.She tells me she loves me but used me and behind my back she was talking to brad my friend behind my back on the phone and internet by yahoo and myspace. I thought she was the one for me but in the end she proved to be an unfaithful pathological immature liar. And now i live with brad and me and him get along just fine she done us both wrong. And to answer brads comment i almost married that crazy psycho who needs her medicine she has a mind of a child and dont need to even think about kids or getting married.
i am 20
no kids
needs to find a better girl
im one of the very few good guys out there
waiting on that special someone
Awesometobeone
On September 19, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I am observing tension when two come together and the two too accept that………what it takes to be original??? Do whatever makes you happy than to follow a band wagon.
Tom
On October 23, 2009 at 11:04 pm
I love living alone, I like dating. I never liked the idea of marriage, not because of the only having sex with one person, just having you life intertwined with another, sharing you whole life seems odd to me. Always has since I can remember. I value my friendships, and like the layer of privacy that goes with them. They don’t hassle you, it is about good times, only if something if really self destructive do they intervene. From a very early age I never got why people married, even my folks, they got along, I just never got why anyone would want to give up some much of themselves to a single person. I can see doing it for country, or a career one works in, they are so many more important things people can use their time and energy for other than children or family.
Also a certain amount of risk makes you feel alive, it is part of life. I saw my grandparents die of cancer, a long drawn out death, painful and slow, it is one both sides of my family, all my uncles and aunts and blood relatives who are over middle age have this, so I say there are things worse than a slightly longer life. People in my family in general don’t make it past there mid 60s. They talked about how they would rather be on vacation somewhere than in a bed, both were active until then.
I love dating, and dating new people. If you ask me falling in love is so much better than being in love. I love getting to know the person. I keep up close friendships (fully platonic) with many of my ex-girl friends, and value that. I love breaks in between relationships, they give you time to think. Often I vacation in somewhat dangerous places, or have hobbies that are not without risk (mountaineering, sailing, wilderness hiking, bow hunting, long distance swimming), things that a family man ought not to do. I love my one bedroom apartment, late night take out, cocktail parties, bar hoping, baseball games. Being single has its merits, I know plenty of married people much more unhappy (most of my married friends are). I love my life, I love being single, there is no woman I would give this all up for. I have great support from friends and colleagues, and have found great balance in my life. In short maybe marriage is not the answer. Just do what your heart tells you and makes you happy, either way life can be great.
Gino Nathaniel
On October 31, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Great topic and replies. Was married 12 years and she walked out when i was ‘no longer fun’ and didn’t ‘make her happy’. Never could imagine divorce could happen. oh–my wife gained 75+ lbs during marriage and once married–i never saw a skirt or dress again–not to mention lingerie…. and sex once in a blue moon–and even though i was a good lover–she was frigid!
Fast forward three years into singleness. lonely nights yes. but even this self proclaimed unattractive men easily finds dates—–five women that were quite attractive emailed me today on a dating site. i do enjoy my freedom. i now have a healthy savings account for my ‘hobbies’—and i’ve progressed leaps and bounds in my arts career. not bad for a single guy whose 43. maybe i’ll get married–onl if i find my best friend that i want to grow old with. otherwise i’ll stay single and content.
And by the way–there truly is someone for everybody. hint: be 100% honest in your dating profile and spill those guts–you will find someone in your league.
Freedom
On November 17, 2009 at 10:00 pm
“Nobody wants to return to an empty home,” – Are you kidding me!? I love it.
I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve been in relationships where I’ve lived together but the bottom line is I love my freedom much more. Living with someone is very stressful and you can never truly relax.
People in unhappy marriages look “older and more worn out”.
I am in my 30’s and still feel and look in my 20’s. I am constantly asked for ID when out.
Marriage is not for me. I am convinced happy people will live longer.
If not, it just seems you live longer when you are married!
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