Why Do People Marry?

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia

There is a simple reason why it is so difficult to answer that question – there is no short answer. When a man and a woman love each other, they simply want to be together. They want to share their lifes, turn two lifes into one and design it together. They want to be together in happiness, and they want to be together when life turns sour, or when they are sad. They want to share nice experiences, but at the same time they want to be together when the going gets tough.

I believe that we humans are meant to live in partnership, that we are meant to long for a life-long partner.

Sometimes two people find each other very fast, it is clear to them right from the start that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. In other cases people might look for the right partner for years, might even give up hope, until they finally meet their match. But practically everybody has the desire and longing to find somebody to spend the rest of his or her life with.

Once people have found their partner, they want to let the world know. They want to share their happiness, let family and friends partake in their joy. They want to let the world know that from now on they belong to each other. That’s why we find these little notices in the local newspaper, people letting everybody else know that they will get married.

Maybe that is the main reason why people get married nowadays – they want to let everybody know that they have the intention of spending the rest of their lives together. They make their love public.

Only about 30 years ago things were a lot different. Until the late fifties it was possible to live with somebody only if they were married, it was simply impossible to share a house or an apartment with somebody without being married – people had to get married if they wanted to share their lives. The role the institution of marriage played then was totally different, too. The husband was the bread-winner, and he had to look after and care for his wife. The wife was supposed to look after the house and the children. It was more a practical matter, a mutual taking care of each other.

It’s obviously different today. In most cases both spouses work when they meet and get to know each other. A woman can take care of herself in this day and age. And most men know how to run a household. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that things have become easier. A couple that is about to get married has to find out by themselves how they are going to arrange their and their future family’s life. That isn’t always easy, but it gives spice to a marriage.

A marriage vow is a promise, a public promise. When we get married we promise each other solemnly, and in front of witnesses, that we intend to spend the rest of our lives together. Two people who are not in love wouldn’t make that kind of a promise. But as things go with us humans, as easy as we  fall ‘in love’  we fall ‘out of love’. Because there is a very big difference between ‘being in love’  with somebody and loving somebody.

Nowadays you may fight with your partner, fall out of love with him or her. And it is very ease there and then to break up that relationship. After all, you just have to move your furniture to another place and then find another partner.

But to love somebody requires an ongoing commitment. It requires effort, patience, and persistence. Love grows over time, love needs time. And it is only within the framework of a marriage that this kind of time is provided.