Why Do Relationships Fail?

 Larry and Susan are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this year. Amazing, isn’t it? Linda and Tom got married only two years ago, and have already filed for divorce. Linda and known another guy whom she had fallen head over heal for. She says she is so happy now. While I wonder, yes, happy but for how long? People run from one relationship to another  in search of relationship bliss.

 Stories like these we hear every day, and we just can’t help but wonder, why do relationships fail? What is the secret of the successful ones?

Because of the complexity of this matter, there are no easy answers to these questions.

Researchers suggest there are four prominent factors that contribute to breakups.

1.      Premature commitment

Virtually all reasons for breakup involve things that could have been known after sharing some personal information over time. It seems, many couples make romantic commitments without taking the time to get to know each other properly. Later in a relationship people find out that they actually don’t like each-other and that they have little or nothing in common.

2.      Ineffective communication and conflict management skills

It is normal, and actually healthy to disagree in a couple. But this only when it happens occasionally and not when it becomes the rule. The likelihood of disagreements increases as couples learn more about each-other and become more interdependent (Buss, 1989). Unfortunately, most people lack the required skills for dealing with conflict constructively. This inability to manage conflicts seems to be a key factor in romantic breakups (Brehm, 1992; Sprecher, 1994). Ineffective conflict management skills are associated with a greater likelihood of relationship aggression.

3.      Becoming bored with the relationship

Couples who break up, rate “boredom with the relationship”, high in the list of reasons for splitting. Individuals have needs for both novelty and predictability in close relationships (Sprecher, 1994). Balancing the two can be tricky for most couples.

4.      Availability of a more attractive relationship

Whether a deteriorating relationship actually ends, it depends, in great part, on the availability of a more attractive alternative (Flemlee, Specher, & Bassin, 1990). We have all heard cases of people staying in unsatisfying relationships only to live when someone new comes along.

Sources: Psychology Applied to Modern Life-Adjustment in the 21st Century by Wayne Weiten, Margaret A.Lloyd, 7th Edition