Why Do They Stay?

Co-Dependency

Many times in an abusive relationship, the victim is completely dependant on their abuser.  They have been with them a long time, or since they were young.  They don’t feel that they can make it on their own.  In these types of situations, they have been mentally abused to believe that they are not good enough for anyone else.  They are told that nobody will love them as much as their abuser does.  If the victim has any children many times they are told that nobody will want them as a full package.  Many times the abuser will not allow the victim to wear make-up, or dress up nicely, and he will then tell her that she is ugly and will never find a man looking like that.  Many times, the victims will believe their abusers and believe that this is the best they can get.  Abusers are very manipulative.  They will tell their victims that they are lucky that they have someone to support them, and nobody else will do that for them. 

Fear

Many times the victim is in such fear of leaving that they will stay.  It is easier to stay then to leave and live in fear. They are afraid that if they leave they will be stalked and if found, they will be killed.  The fear of dying, or being beat is worse than just staying in an unsafe environment.  At least they are comfortable in their own home, and they know of the most part how to avoid a fight.  Victims feel that it is better to walk on eggshells at home then to worry about where the abuser is, and if he will find you. 

Habit

I spoke earlier about children who grow up in an abusive home, how they usually carry on the cycle. This is another main reason people stay in abusive relationships.  They have seen abuse their all of their lives, and they feel this is normal behavior.  In their minds, this is all that life is about.  The man is superior, and the women must bow down and obey the man. 

Religion

Religion also has a huge role in this.  Many abusers will twist the words in the Bible around saying that a woman is underneath a man. The man came first, and then woman.  There are many things that the men will say to make the woman feel like she not superior.  The Bible says woman must obey their husbands, but it also says the men must also obey their wives.  I don’t believe that God intended for women to have to obey their husbands or they would beat them up.

There are many ways for women who are in abusive relationships to get help if they want to get out. The first step though is wanting the help.  If woman don’t want the help, nobody can force them into leaving.  Many woman always go back to their abusers after the first few times of leaving.  Once a victim finally decides that she is ready to leave her abuser, and be a free woman.. or man… there are many choices for her.  There are hot lines that woman can call to get help. There are also community woman shelters in every county that are there for abused woman.  Just because you go to a domestic violence center doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be put in a shelter.  Sometimes they put victims up in hotels, or in homes that are safe.  Safe environments are important. They have guards to make sure that the attacker won’t find and hurt the victim. These shelters help the woman get food, jobs, and gives them a second chance in life.  If a victim is not wanting to leave an abusive home because she or he doesn’t want to leave their belongings, just think, would you rather lose some replaceable belongings (and trust me, everything is replaceable) or would you rather lose your life?  To all victims out there, be careful.  To all of you who know someone who is in a situation that is difficult for them, remember to always be supporting to them.  Don’t tell them that they have to make a choice between their partner and you.  This will only upset them and they won’t leave anyways.  To all of you… BE SAFE