Why Do We Get Angry?

Anger is a natural and mostly automatic response to frustrations and physical or emotional pain. Anger can occur when we think we are disappointed, opposed, injured, mistreated, rejected, opposed in our long-held views, or prevented from attaining personal goals. Angry response results when this pain or frustration is quickly succeeded by some anger-triggering thought. Thoughts that can trigger anger include personal assessments, assumptions, evaluations, or interpretations of situations which makes us believe that someone  is attempting to hurt us. Feelings of pain, combined with anger-triggering thoughts motivate you to defend ourselves by striking out against the target we think is causing the pain.

At its roots, anger is an emotion that motivates you to take action to correct your environment. Blood pressures raises and stress hormones flow. Although everyone experiences anger in response to frustrating or abusive situations, the way we express their anger is a learned behavior.

There are multiple ways that people learn and develop their personalized style of expressing anger. They learn to copy the behavior of angry people around them. They watch their parent(s) berate each other and enact the same behavior when they enter into relationships. Similarly, physically abused children are found distracted in classrooms and in social gatherings because their minds are constantly alert to even subtle signs of anger from others. The researchers who studied abused children say that the tendency to stay attentive of nearby discord is a natural form of self-preservation from aggression. Sometimes, an abused child start himself becoming hostile towards others in the belief that “a good offense is the best defense”. Or they may extend their hostility against an entire group of people. Unfortunately, people who bully find others respecting or fearing them more for their aggressive actions and this motivates them to continue bullying.

Sometimes people make themselves angry to insulate themselves from pain. It certainly lifts you from depression and self pity. When pain transmutes into anger, attention shifts from self to others who caused it. Anger thus temporarily protects people from having to recognize and deal with their painful real feelings; you get to worry about getting back at the people you’re angry with instead. Making yourself angry can help you to hide the fact that you find a situation frightening or that you feel vulnerable.

Becoming angry also creates a feeling of righteousness, power and moral superiority that is not present when someone is merely in pain. When you are angry, you are angry with a cause. “The people who have hurt me are wrong – they should be punished” is what you tell yourself. This does boost your self-esteem, control and power, even if temporary.

Is anger a problem? Angry people most always feel that their anger is justified. However, other people don’t always agree. The actions of an angry person can be destructive to both self and the others. The person who was angry with a customer even if the anger was justified will perhaps lose the job.

Getting angry can quickly become a habit. You may be unconsciously transforming all of your vulnerable feelings into anger because you don’t have to deal with them, but you end up accumulating those vulnerabilities without addressing or resolving it, and this can create new problems later.

How to tackle and manage anger? This is the topic for the my next article on anger.