Why Nice Guys Finish Last: a Cry From the Other Side
by On dating issues.
“Ladies, if you make $100,000 a year, your man needs to make a $100,000 a year. “If you drive a Benz, he needs to drive a Benz. “If you got good credit, he gotta have good credit.” These words came from a speaker at a singles function I attended years ago. The congregation of mostly single women hooped and hollered as they were being entertained. I laughed to myself in disgust as I was brought back to a seminar I had the privilege to attend in which I heard Dr Cornell West speak in Clues Hall at Butler University. During his time on stage he said something I will never forget. “With so many pastors who preach messages on faith and prosperity, I wonder how close we are to the day I will walk through church doors and be greeted by two ATM machines at the front.” Dr West went on to say: “Many of us who are parents often encourage our kids to be successful. “Be successful, be successful, be successful. “But we really never take the time out to tell them to be great.” What do you think he meant by that? Many African Americans in this country think success and greatness are two subjects that are one in the same. Nothing could be further from the truth. P Diddy, Jay Z, Micheal Jordan, and Rockefeller are successful. But Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Ghandi, and John F Kennedy were great. See the difference? The legacy of the last four men I just mentioned is tied to their individual character. Not to the number of zeros they have in their bank accounts.
It is upon this matter that I will begin my next topic of discussion as we take a look at “why nice guys finish last.”
I remember reading an article on Yahoo by April Mansini called: “Dating Secret Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last.” In this article the author wrote this excerpt: First, “nice” equates with boring and predictable. Look up “nice” in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average — not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy. I’ll bet you’ve never heard a woman say she didn’t want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting — have you? But, I’ll bet you have heard women say things like, “He’s such a nice guy. He’s so sweet and he’s always there for me, but I only like him as a friend.”
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Post CommentMorgana
On December 24, 2008 at 8:54 am
Where is my nice guy? I demand his presence right now!!! Just kidding. I think that a lot of women just want to be with a man that excites them, pull her in an embrace, be a little tough with her, but also be nice. See? Most of us want a mixture of traits. Rough mixed with the nice. A bad boy with a good heart. A bad boy that would give everything for us. A gentleman and a warrior at the same time. However, those traits doesn’t come in one “package” often. WE often find that the gentleman is not a warrior and that the warrior is not the gentlemen.
misssophia
On December 24, 2008 at 5:41 pm
I am such a sucker for a bad boy! I suppose it is because I know a ‘nice boy’ will always be there.
Crazy eh?!
Brent
On December 25, 2008 at 12:59 am
When the phrase “nice guys” is used in the dating context, what it means is guys with low self-esteem.
Guys with a low self-image are unwilling to put themselves on the line and ask enough women out to find the one they mesh with and whine that women don’t want “nice guys.”
numba1lrics
On December 25, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I disagree Brent. The point is there are too many of us who don’t appreciate the things would should about people. Being a gentlemen is not a sign of weakness and shouldn’t be perceived that way by anyone. It’s actually a quality that should be admired in this day and age of cry babies we have running around. Many of us are like kids in the fact that we want instant gratification. We all have a responsibility to one another and should live our lives in a way that expresses recognition of that fact.
Brent
On December 26, 2008 at 1:38 am
I never said that being a gentleman was a sign of weakness. Many gentlemen never have a problem with women, why wouldn’t a woman want someone that would treat them well??
Those nice guys that don’t have problems with women never say “nice guys finish last.” Only those that have problems with women believe nice guys finish last.
I guarantee if a “nice guy” asks a different woman out everyday for a couple weeks they will find someone they get along with and will have the relationship they have always wanted.
numba1lrics
On December 26, 2008 at 12:20 pm
You and I may not see being a nice guy as a sign of weakness, but the point that I was making is that a lot of women do unfortunately. We all would like to believe “why wouldn’t a woman want someone that would treat them well?” But the reality is there is a reason a lot of women you talk to these days believe that “all men are dogs.” How do you think that expression came into being? They didn’t get that perception from dating nice guys. They got that from going from one bad relationship to another. Men (By the way) that they freely chose to date. I guarantee you for every man that these bitter women went out with there were at least two or three good guys that they didn’t even give half the time of day to. You know what they said to those guys? “You’re so nice. “But I only see you as just a friend.”
myria
On January 15, 2009 at 12:06 pm
I agree with what you say for the most part. I myself have been attracted to guys that werent good for me, but now my problem seems to be that I am attracted to guys who arent over a past relationship. They say how much they loved the other woman and I can see that they had been together for a long time, but I wish to be adored and treated like they had treated the woman from their past and they dont even seem to see me. In other words the only truly nice guys I have met so far, have had their hearts shattered by someone else and either want to take it out on me or use me just to not be lonely. I am totally ready to meet a nice guy without any issues! Wish me luck on that one lol!
dawn xoc
On January 27, 2009 at 4:37 pm
I hate over confidence in a man…it is often a sign of insecurity. I love gentle and gentlemanly traits in a man. I think a man who can show his caring side is so much stronger than a man who charges around like a bull in a china shop smashing feelings as he goes. Nice is good and combined with individuality and being comfortable in his own skin is even better. To be able to truly “BE” with someone is the most you can wish for. So maybe i am an anomily but nice guys in my eyes dont always finish last. They cross the finish line with dignity and integrity. I loved your article by the way