Why Nice Guys Finish Last: a Cry From the Other Side
by On dating issues.
When I first read this I had to admit I was a little angered by the perception of the type of men described as “nice guys” and the way the qualities they possess equate to something unattractive. According to the author “nice guys” are boring. Boring because they are predictable. Nice guys don’t turn a woman on because they’re good, thoughtful, generous, honest…” Is it just me or does this sound like some of the dumbest shit in the world? Why wouldn’t a woman be attracted to a man who she can trust? Very simple. Because she can trust him.
We live in a society that looks at many things in reverse. We call that which is good bad, and that which is bad good. With plenty of TV shows, movies and media propaganda to choose from that do nothing but glamorize the idea of living our lives on the edge, it’s no wonder where this perception comes from. Like a moth drawn to the flame we fly to the heat and then have the audacity to get mad at the flame when we get burned. If you ask most women today what type of man they are looking for, a lot of them will respond by giving you the description of the type of man that was mentioned as the “boring” individual in the Yahoo article above. Yet these are not the type of men they are out here making babies with. When the opportunity to be with that type of guy materializes in front of them, they look for all the reasons why they shouldn’t be with him instead of appreciating all the reasons why they should.
These women will date a man like this (Mind you this is also a man they admit being physically attracted to) for a brief moment and then break things off by giving him the “You are so sweet, and you’re always there for me, but I only see you as a friend” speech. What they don’t realize is that the type of man they should be with is the type of man they see as a friend. Friends don’t lie to you. Friends respect you. Friends treat you the way you’re supposed to be treated. Most of all, a friend’s value system of you is based off of who you are as a person, not on what you can give them in the bedroom between the sheets. If you have met a man you admit is a good guy yet you are not attracted to the qualities that make him good, the problem is not him. The problem is you. If most of us would give what we need half a chance and stop chasing what we want in life, we would realize what we need would turn out to be what we wanted all along….
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Post CommentMorgana
On December 24, 2008 at 8:54 am
Where is my nice guy? I demand his presence right now!!! Just kidding. I think that a lot of women just want to be with a man that excites them, pull her in an embrace, be a little tough with her, but also be nice. See? Most of us want a mixture of traits. Rough mixed with the nice. A bad boy with a good heart. A bad boy that would give everything for us. A gentleman and a warrior at the same time. However, those traits doesn’t come in one “package” often. WE often find that the gentleman is not a warrior and that the warrior is not the gentlemen.
misssophia
On December 24, 2008 at 5:41 pm
I am such a sucker for a bad boy! I suppose it is because I know a ‘nice boy’ will always be there.
Crazy eh?!
Brent
On December 25, 2008 at 12:59 am
When the phrase “nice guys” is used in the dating context, what it means is guys with low self-esteem.
Guys with a low self-image are unwilling to put themselves on the line and ask enough women out to find the one they mesh with and whine that women don’t want “nice guys.”
numba1lrics
On December 25, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I disagree Brent. The point is there are too many of us who don’t appreciate the things would should about people. Being a gentlemen is not a sign of weakness and shouldn’t be perceived that way by anyone. It’s actually a quality that should be admired in this day and age of cry babies we have running around. Many of us are like kids in the fact that we want instant gratification. We all have a responsibility to one another and should live our lives in a way that expresses recognition of that fact.
Brent
On December 26, 2008 at 1:38 am
I never said that being a gentleman was a sign of weakness. Many gentlemen never have a problem with women, why wouldn’t a woman want someone that would treat them well??
Those nice guys that don’t have problems with women never say “nice guys finish last.” Only those that have problems with women believe nice guys finish last.
I guarantee if a “nice guy” asks a different woman out everyday for a couple weeks they will find someone they get along with and will have the relationship they have always wanted.
numba1lrics
On December 26, 2008 at 12:20 pm
You and I may not see being a nice guy as a sign of weakness, but the point that I was making is that a lot of women do unfortunately. We all would like to believe “why wouldn’t a woman want someone that would treat them well?” But the reality is there is a reason a lot of women you talk to these days believe that “all men are dogs.” How do you think that expression came into being? They didn’t get that perception from dating nice guys. They got that from going from one bad relationship to another. Men (By the way) that they freely chose to date. I guarantee you for every man that these bitter women went out with there were at least two or three good guys that they didn’t even give half the time of day to. You know what they said to those guys? “You’re so nice. “But I only see you as just a friend.”
myria
On January 15, 2009 at 12:06 pm
I agree with what you say for the most part. I myself have been attracted to guys that werent good for me, but now my problem seems to be that I am attracted to guys who arent over a past relationship. They say how much they loved the other woman and I can see that they had been together for a long time, but I wish to be adored and treated like they had treated the woman from their past and they dont even seem to see me. In other words the only truly nice guys I have met so far, have had their hearts shattered by someone else and either want to take it out on me or use me just to not be lonely. I am totally ready to meet a nice guy without any issues! Wish me luck on that one lol!
dawn xoc
On January 27, 2009 at 4:37 pm
I hate over confidence in a man…it is often a sign of insecurity. I love gentle and gentlemanly traits in a man. I think a man who can show his caring side is so much stronger than a man who charges around like a bull in a china shop smashing feelings as he goes. Nice is good and combined with individuality and being comfortable in his own skin is even better. To be able to truly “BE” with someone is the most you can wish for. So maybe i am an anomily but nice guys in my eyes dont always finish last. They cross the finish line with dignity and integrity. I loved your article by the way