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Why Thinking About Your Ex is Causing Problems in Your Current Relationship

Are your past thoughts about the ex robbing you of a potentially good relationship with your new mate? Article provides tips on how you can get over the ex.

We have all been guilty of allowing a negative past relationship affect our future with someone else. It may have been love songs, romantic movies, past valentine celebrations, memorable locations, or running into a friend or family member of your ex that triggered your old feelings followed by the thought, “I wonder what he or she is doing these days?” Now for most people it is just what it is a thought and then it goes away. You don’t ponder on it, you don’t desire to contact the ex, you just move on with your life. Yet, there are those people who have that thought and many more afterward which have made them feel guilty lately for thinking about the ex and wondering if they should end their current relationship, if you are one of those people, then this article was written for you.

An ex is an ex because one of you or both decided that you no longer wanted to be a pair. After days, weeks, months or years in a relationship with your ex, you longed for the day the relationship would end and you would be free from the drama. Then one day it finally happens, you end it for good, no contact, feelings, heartache, worry, stress, nothing…it’s over between you and your ex! Then something happened recently that has caused you to reminisce about the good ole’ days with the ex. The past thoughts and visions begin slowly about the ex, evading your mind first, then body and later your soul. You begin to question whether you made the right decision to move on with your life. You wonder whether your ex will ever welcome you back if you decide you want to start again with him or her. You feel guilty for feeling this way and rather than focus on your current relationship, you start coming up with ways to nurture the old one.

The problems you have with your new girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancé, or spouse may not have occurred until you began entertaining those thoughts of your ex in your mind. If you allowed your focus to be on the existing relationship and not on the old one, you most likely wouldn’t be having the problems that you are now having in the new relationship. Why did you get involved in your current relationship? Did you want to start fresh with someone and teach them how you wanted to be treated? Did they have far more better qualities then the ex? Were you simply lonely and you just took what you could get? You need to know the answers to these questions to understand why your ex still holds a significant place in your heart?

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  1. E28

    On November 22, 2008 at 5:28 pm


    The problem that i have is my boyfriend still socialises with his ex at every opportunity for example, we have to attend every party she has or go to thanks giving. She didnt include us in things when i first got together with him even tho she had a partner and still has, and i dont understand why i have to be around her. she doesnt even like me. Any comments?

  2. Been there done that

    On April 27, 2009 at 10:03 pm


    If you haven’t broke up by now, eventually the feelings you are grappling with on the inside will break you up. You see, when you continued to look the other way regarding this it will only make you resent him for bringing you to these sorts of events knowing that the ex will be there. So here’s what you do, explain to him how it makes you feel, opt out when you can, ask him if it isn’t a priority why does he have to go? Chances are he still wants to keep up with his ex. If this is so, don’t waste anymore time listening to his explanations, begin to distance yourself from him. Basically what you are doing is putting him in a position to make a choice. He may still have feelings for her and that is what you are trying to figure out by doing less talking and more watching. Once you see the writing on the wall, plan your exit.

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