Will The Real “Best Friend” Please Stand Up?

Will the real ‘best friend’ please stand up?

This morning a very close friend of mine called me after a very long time. We had grown up together and since school, had parted ways to pursue our higher studies and career. So his long-distance call came as quite a surprise to me. After some small talk, our conversation got deeper and he started to tell me about a potential relationship that was beginning to develop in his life. Having known his past struggle with singleness (and mine), I understood the magnitude of this event and what he was going through. For the next two hours he shared his fears, doubts and enthrallments as he talked about what could transpire out of this relationship and his one and only wish to make it long term. I listened patiently, my heart truly happy for him.

However, it was only after we hung up, that I really understood the depth of our conversation. He had called me long distance and spoke for nearly two hours, sharing with me his most intimate experiences, just because he ‘had to’. The questions started to pour in: – Why had he thought of me of all people to call? Did he desperately need to get it off his chest or did he need to share it with me in particular? And why did he choose possibly the most personal, private matter of his life to tell me? He did say that he ‘needed to share it with me’. Could I, unknown to myself, have been his one and only reliable friend? Was I his BEST FRIEND!?! For the rest of the day I felt a warm glow inside me, a certain pride that I held a special place in his life. And yet underneath all that, I felt a little lump in my throat, an uneasy feeling. Was I ready to carry the ‘burden’ of being a best friend for someone? Was it possible for friendship to carry such responsibility?

Friendship – a word much abused

I’m sure every one of us has differing circles of friends. There are those who are great to ‘hang out’ with. They’re fun, the life-of-the-party types and we genuinely enjoy their contagious personalities. Then there are those we can let some guard down around. People who know most of the details of our life and with whom we have a certain freedom and equity to share our personal opinions with. These are great and a must have. And then there are the third kind, a rare commodity, a type that every person needs, someone who is invaluable to whom we are as a person. These are the ones who care for you so much they tell you to your face when you’re being a jerk. The ones who go out of their way to be there for you, not just for a party but even when you’re going through the worst day of your life. One in whose presence, we need not fear judgment or criticism. One who truly loves us, not for what we have, not for what they can get out of us, but for who we really are behind that mask. However, after a while, this dawned on me – something about such segregation did not seem right though. I looked it up:- Friendship was defined as ‘ a relationship that involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to other friends in times of need or crisis’. To me, only the third type described above fell within the parameters of the definition of Friendship. SO if they were the ‘true friends’ what did that make the other two types? Realization hit me like a freight train! I had been using a word without understanding the depth of its definition.