Wondering Why Your Dates Go Wrong?

Certain self destructive behaviour patterns are your mind’s way of dealing with something that causes you pain. So what can you do about it?

The good news is you can break these destructive patterns that lead to loneliness, by getting to the root of them, and then you can start with new healthy ways of relating that will have your partner listen and stay open. You don’t have to keep feeling like you’re at the mercy of the bad things your relationships make you feel, always feeling slightly out of control.

There are pattern-breaking rules about finding, attracting and keeping a special partner that we’ll cover here:

First Impressions Do Count

When you meet someone for the first time, if your first impression is that of a player, having another agenda such as money, not taking you seriously or flirting for the sake of it rather than real interest in you for yourself, walk away. Let them make the effort rather than working hard yourself.

Avoid…

• Serial daters – you’re one of many and there will be more after you
• Possessive people – they will bring you down and their problems can’t be fixed by you
• Rebounds – if they make constant references to their ex, or you’re having to ‘’share” your relationship with their ex, they aren’t over them
• Flirts – they always want to be centre of attention and won’t give you the attention you deserve
• Those you can’t see fitting in with your world/family/friends
• Your boss – office gossips will crucify your career

Sparks Matter

If you don’t feel early on there is any common ground, move on, and don’t waste your time – a spark is so important. Don’t feel you have to spend an entire evening with a date if it just isn’t happening for you. Make it clear when you make arrangements that you’re meeting for a single drink/coffee and that you should both decide what to do after that first drink. Yes, it seems a bit cold and business like, but your date will feel a lot less gutted in the long run if you stop matters early on, rather than stringing them along for three or four pointless hours.

Be Flexible

Mr/Miss Perfect doesn’t exist – think Mr/Miss Almost Perfect! Forget rigid adherence to a fictitious ideal. At least give someone a chance to light your fire rather than instantly dismissing them because they’re wearing the wrong trainers or have a stray nasal hair.