YES, this subject is a little more complex than people like to admit.

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But tread carefully.

ARE you reading my mail or what? I really don’t mean to make this an over simplification, but there is more to it than the lust of the flesh. But that is the one point, everyone jumps on from the get go. And YES, it is a point and primary biblically reason to marry. If you aren’t interested in sex, or sexual compatibility, you probably shouldn’t marry. Hope you don’t mind me saying that. Now if you just believe in breeding like dogs so long as you have a current divorce and license then you really aren’t going to appreciate what I have to say here.

I’m a WHITE 57 year old American and engaged to a 29 year old virgin Asian lady from an Island in the Indian Ocean. Yup, I’m a widower after 37 faithful years of good marriage to my first and only wife. And after nine children and eleven grandchildren why would someone want to start to raise a second family? Biblical reasons and still feeling 16 to 26 more than 60, if you can handle the truth. To be honest, she “looks” 17 and she says I perform like “20”. How does a virgin know that? Internet, she had done her research. Since sex ed, there are no mental virgins any more my friend. Just physical ones with that very thin layer of purity left. Don’t scorn it, it’s the proof of sincerity, reliability and future faithfulness lacking in most cultures. She wanted to marry an older 30 to 50 more mature white Christian American. Also figuring that older men are more faithful. Actually I don’t think that is true unless they have a track record to prove it.

My only objectors were my first mother-in-law (she survived my wife, which was a great blow to her losing her only daughter), half my children, half my friends including those a decade my junior, and what I teach my own children pertaining to culture and age difference in marriage.

I shall not go into the many reasons I considered compelling to make this exception for myself. To accept this young Asian lady to become my bride. She is pretty but not a movie star. Her character, personality and overall person fulfilling my long wish list for a second wife is what makes her more beautiful and desirable than any other woman. (I emailed over 2000 over the world). The youth factor is just the final attraction; YET I would never trust any American woman that young, because of our American culture, she would probably never be faithful. And I do admit, I’ve done a lot of thought and still consider the large age difference our primary obstacle. Secondary is racial difference that I likewise counsel my own children against, because it is NOT wise to marry cross culturally.

So as one friend told me, I’m breaking all “the rules”. Yup, I am just one of those “exceptions.” There is not time or space to fully explain here. But she is also a most exceptional person whom I consider my bride-to-be…

So WHY would I consider such a thing? I wanted to marry a younger woman, knowing the sexual cycle curse of women. Having been married for 37 years before and taking my first wife through menopause… I knew I wanted to marry a younger woman. I mean WHY do men get married anyway? YES ladies it is that important. Believe it and cater to it and you can have a happy husband and marriage. If you like misery and trouble it’s within your power to produce that as well, without doing anything, just say NO, “I’m too tired tonight.” The second biggest problem in the world is, “the check is in the mail”. HINT, you can cure the first with a nap baby. Cure the second my accepting Paypal.

Most American widows haven’t gotten over their first husband or have children that do not want their single mother to marry again anyway moving them back to 3rd place by a foreigner to the family taking the place of their beloved daddy. He will always be their daddy, even after they die. They forget death ended their mother’s marriage, friendship and companionship. It’s over forever except the memories. But life is for the living to live. And honestly, they really don’t care too much about their mother’s needs – they are selfish kids. Most children come with selfishness as standard equipment. I’m an adult and still have some of it left over in me. How about you?

Before this I was engaged (after she got over me being too old) to a 50 year old white American widow with four children 15 to 22. But when they saw their mother move more conservative in her dress, because of me, her whole family freaked out. They didn’t want the family culture to change. They didn’t want to move to another state, even if it was a nicer house with more acreage instead of a trailer. They didn’t want someone taking the position of their beloved daddy. They wanted their mother all to themselves even though they were home less now than ever before in their lives and would all leave home or be married themselves in less then five years. So she ended the engagement four days later, on the basis of personality. Funny she contacted me again about the time I got serious about my little Asian bride. Can you trust a woman you asked four times, if she loved you more than her children, before you proposed and were engaged? NO. It’s time to forget the losers before you say, “I do.” I’m very thankful for her saying, NO, now. Otherwise I would have been miserable and my dreams wouldn’t have been fulfilled and I would have been playing counselor to her brats for the rest of my life.

The difference I learned between Asian (or all?) ladies 40 to 45 and those 30 to 35 was a much more eager attitude of willingness to please a new husband. The older ladies are more set in their ways and want a man that fits their mold and they are also more content with singleness than the younger ones. Hence compatibility in marriage does best when there is a willingness on the part of both parties to “spoil” each other. Of course, if all husbands and wives would make this their daily goal, divorce wouldn’t exist. Interesting though, but who is willing to put that kind of work into their marriage?

Actually I can’t believe the compatibility we have, but then we both KNEW “what we were looking for” in a life mate. The prime ingredient most people forget to deal with. Older people like teenagers make the mistake of thinking you figure this out by holding hands and kissing and … NOPE… sorry it doesn’t work that way. Over the internet you can’t get infatuated as easily with kisses and holding hands. So it does allow those smart enough to deal with the more important issues of compatibility, to do so, before moving on to just being in heat. Major issues to agree upon first are: 1) Spiritual then 2) Mental in family/financial/functional attitudes, goals, desires, and culture (which is more than just country customs) 3) then if all is still a go (AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR) IN A LIFE-MATE you get to meet each other at great expense of thousands of dollars and see each other face to face and make that final decision if this is the person you are really ready to commit yourself to for the rest of your life, until death do us part.

Kind of old fashioned isn’t it? By the way, I didn’t kiss or hold hands with the 50 year old and am so glad I didn’t. Otherwise I would be suffering with her now. People make emotional decisions you know, especially women. She said she enjoyed sex, but sighed when I suggested every night. I hope you have committed to spoiling your spouse from reading this and making a great marriage for both of you and your children. Sweet dreams.