Hello Laui, Nihau, Nihau! My name Sifu Dansac, I am Kung Fu Master, I am ninja, I am warn you this was coming! That right, Sifu have enough of you dirty cultists cuss him on line! Come on, all at once or one at a time; Sifu have the bloody lot of you!

SCIENTOLOGY IS A CULT

That right, Laui; it nothing but a cult! Sifu have do him research, just like him always do; him is look up Scientology on-line. Very first thing that Sifu find is quote from L Ron Hubbard:

“True greatness merely refuses to change in the face of bad actions against one – and a truly great person loves his fellows because he understands them” – L Ron Hubbard.

Spot on Ron; Sifu get that quote from pro-Scientology website. Amazing wonder of total hypocrisy therefore that all these bigoted Scientology types is tell Sifu to back off and change him position; in you face, Scientologists, you big messiah L Ron Hubbard is agree with me! Truly great person is hold him ground in the face of all opposition, even against world-spanning psuedo-religious brainwashing cult! Bring it down, Scientologists, bring it; Sifu not afraid of you, him got L Ron Hubbard on him side!

You offended yet, Scientologists? No? If you all get upset by Sifu say “Cult of Lana Clarkson better than Cult of Lafayette R. Hubbard”, then you gonna choke on you own tongue right here; Sifu is lay into you good and proper now! Hah, what you gonna do, what you gonna do when I Kung Fu you?

WHAT IS SCIENTOLOGY?

Scientology is ‘religion’ base upon the ‘teachings’ of L Ron Hubbard. Scientology teach that all bad human feelings and negative behaviours are cause by ‘memory emgrams’, which are persistent patterns in the human brain. So far so scientific, but here the catch; according to them, Scientologists can ‘cure’ people of these bad patterns in the brain. They say they can reprogram you through special courses and special ‘technology’ and ‘devices’ that will alter the patterns of you brain waves. Now, for Sifu to explain everything that Scientology believes would take a very long time; to explain you exactly what is wrong with this evil cult would take a thesis, and many noble Laui have already dedicate millions of words to this very exercise. Sifu always advise Laui to believe nothing they are told at face value; read for yourself, starting with Operation Clambake and the Lisa McPherson case, easily available on-line.

WHY SIFU PICK FIGHT WITH SCIENTOLOGY?

Simple, Laui; Sifu is make single reference to this cash-cult and suddenly receive abuse on-line. That right, Laui; Scientologists is pick a fight with you Sifu. Very foolish to throw down on Kung Fu Master, buddy. Sifu and him Ninjas always ready to fight; we bitch-slap you from here to there! Sifu not start nothing; Scientologists is come over Sifu’s house and start giving it verbal! Who in hell you people think you are?!

SCIENTOLOGY REPROGRAM YOUR BRAIN

In a nutshell, they reprogram you not to think like you, but to think like them. Scientologists use terms such as ‘Clear’ and ‘Sub-Thetan’ to denote ranks within the organisation. The more brainwashed you are, the more you are rewarded by recognition within the ‘Church’ (Sifu use the term ‘church‘ in its loosest possible sense; Christian Laui may be offended to learn that Scientologists have even ranked Jesus by their system and reckon they have members who are more enlightened and ‘clear’ than alleged son of God).

Wonder of cheekiness that these people also charge money, very big money, for each successive course. Naturally, every ‘treatment’ a new member receives reveal that they are really screwed up and need even more ‘help’, which naturally cost even more money.

SCIENTOLOGY IS EVIL

The more Sifu learn, the more his eyes pop out on stalks. This ‘religion’ is serious nasty, Laui. It all about mind-control through propaganda and brainwashing. Sifu have speak with Jehovah’s Witnesses, Christian Sects and Muslim Fundamentalists; they are like little kiddies in sandpit compared to Scientology. The only thing in history to rival these bastards is the Nazi party; if you are think of becoming a Scientologist, or you have slightest inkling that they try to recruit you, Sifu’s advice is to run; run the hell away just as fast as you can. If you already are Scientologist, Sifu know you are lost cause, you are robot, you are clone, you are pawn of the Dark Side and you do not know it. Sifu understand that Scientology represent a massive investment of money and emotion; to admit you have been duped by ruthless fascists is nigh impossible. Sifu’s only advice is to say what him always say; check the facts for yourself. Swallow you indignation, resist you programming and take a long hard look at the information. It take Sifu less than ten minutes to find information that send shivers down him spine. When you have look and read, take another long hard look at the people in you ‘church’ and apply the critical reasoning of you own mind that all you special ‘courses’ and ‘treatments’ have disabled.

ENEMIES OF SCIENTOLOGY

According to doctrines of Scientology ‘church’, ex-members, victims of shunning and anyone who criticise Scientology in any way can be cheated, insulted, attacked or openly ridiculed; they are no longer subject to normal rules of civilised conduct common to human society. If you are enemy of the ‘church’, Scientologists can scam you, bully you, verbally abuse you and even chase you in them car; they can trash you lawn and graffiti you house; they can break you windows and libel you in the press, all with blessings of the ‘church’. In L Ron Hubbard own words, enemies of Scientology have no human rights whatsoever and should be ‘disposed of without sorrow’. How does this hold with Scientology being system of achieve enlightenment? It does not; it is method of control.

SCIENTOLOGISTS STOP READING HERE

Sifu try not to snigger too much at what Scientologists actually believe, because the truth is that most people in the ‘church’ do not know what they are involved with. If you are Scientologist, you should stop reading now, because, according to you own religion, what Sifu is about to say will kill you. Seriously, that what they think; it is fundamental principle of Scientology that to learn the deepest secrets before you are ‘clear’ will kill you. Amazing miracle therefore that thousands of Laui, along with Sifu and most of his Ninjas, have seen that episode of South Park exposing what Scientologists actually believe, and none of these people have died. And Scientologists really do believe every ridiculous thing exposed in that cartoon. Sifu have seen transcripts of L Ron Hubbard original doctrines, which state that 75 million years ago, the evil overlord Xenu trap trillions of alien souls in volcanoes on planet Teegeeack (that’s Earth to you and me, Laui). To cut very long story short, these alien souls are the human race, trick by Xenu into believe that physical universe is real when (apparently) it is all illusion created as prison for our souls, a prison only Scientology can free us from… at a cost of about half a million dollars each.

Are you dead yet? No, of course not, because it is all twaddle invented by a sci-fi writer who decided to create a religion because (and Sifu quote L Ron himself): “That’s where the money is.”

Senior Scientologists believe this Xenu garbage as physical fact, more real than the law of gravity or the sun in the sky. To be clear; theories of David “Lizard People” Icke are more plausible than drug-induced tosh spout by L Ron Hubbard who, and let Sifu be fair to him, was raving bigot, homophobe, racist and unrepentant fascist. Sifu is quite ready to believe (because the theories of Einstein, Quantum Physics, Kung Fu, Ninjutsu, Buddhism, Yoga and indeed David Icke all agree) that physical reality is in fact a light projection or atomic hologram comprising only 5% of everything that exist; what Sifu is not about to swallow is that coughing up money will in any way liberate people from this illusion.

FAIR GAME

Scientologists have slandered, libeled and physically attacked critics of their insane cult. They have hired private investigators and where real dirt cannot be found, they have invented it, all in accordance with good ol’ Ron’s teachings. Well, for to make their job ever so much easier, Sifu will tell them a bit about himself now that he is ‘Fair Game’: My name Sifu Dansac, I am illegal immigrant come to UK from Communist China solely for the purpose of ferment Ninja revolution. I am head of Yellow Lotus Secret World Domination Society, dedicate to overthrow of society. I am actively recruit Ninja warriors for my cause and train them in the use of deadly Martial Arts. If you believe Scientology, you will believe anything; amazingly, nothing Sifu plans is nearly so bad as the evil hegemony of bullshit and lies propounded by Scientology.

BRING IT ON

Sifu is welcome this opportunity to take on Scientology. Sifu have consult with him Ninjas and they agree; let all Scientologists come. Come and get Sifu’s scorn, come and get him contempt; him have plenty to go around. If you want a fight, you have come to the right place; you can bring it right to Sifu’s door and still he will kick you keister. Anyone who likes can come down to Sifu’s secret lair in Victorian Sewers underneath River Thames in London, just in sight of Canary Wharf, where Sifu will laugh right in you Scientologist face, poke you in the eye and tell you that you are wrong!