What I Learned From My Struggle with Faith

  I was brought up in a Christian setting, albeit a very loose one, but I was exposed to religion at an early age. Like many, it never really took so it faded away.  Ever since I was a little boy I felt like I was meant for something great. It was a feeling that was always there and I never knew why.  Maybe it was just a childhood imagination or a desire to fill a void – whatever the case, it was undeniable.  I would go to church with friends of mine and sit there just to go through the motions but never really taking anything in – just taking up space on a pew, drawing little pictures on the handouts waiting for noon.  Then it all stopped, I didn’t go the following week and the months turned to years.

When I was 16 my life really changed. I went to boot camp to get everything straightened out.  I guess you can say this was the catalyst of everything that has happened in my life hereafter.  No, I didn’t find God at camp, rather I found myself coming home and not knowing where to turn.  I didn’t want to go back to my old social group and since I came from a small town, it was tough to make new friends.  I wandered, always looking for someone to talk to.

Finally, I found someone. It was a new kid and through him I made the friends that would have an enormous impact on my life. What’s important here is that this new friend of mine and the others I met and have come to grow close to introduced me to Youth Groups and new people.  I found a place where I could go and just let go and have fun and make new friends and learn.

For two years I was really involved with the church. I was doing outreach programs, Habitat for Humanity, fundraisers…I was being proactive and loving it.  Yet I wasn’t content to just sit and listen to the sermons.  I wanted to know more, the finer details. I took it upon myself to look into the history of it all. I actually wanted to be a minister for awhile.  I felt that maybe this was the reason for the feeling of greatness I have had for so long.