Asexuality in a Nutshell

Relationships

Asexuals can and do have relationships, whether this be with other asexuals or with sexuals themselves. Depending on an asexuals romantic attraction this will affect who their partner will be. A relationship with a sexual partner doesn’t mean they will be involved in a sexual relationship – and although this can put a strain on things many couples come to a compromise between themselves, and is highly possible to achieve.

However many asexual relationships can be seen as “just very good friends,” due to the lack of sexual activity. While in many cases this is actually true, asexuals can find other ways to be intimate with each other, and may see their relationship as something more than just friends. For example, some asexuals relationships would focus more on hugging and being close than sexual contact.

A common misconception about asexual

Being asexual does not mean they don’t have sex, or that they can’t enjoy it. They don’t have sexual attraction, but they may enjoy the sensation of sex, since they are still built like anybody else. There are plenty of asexual people out there that have tried sex (not to mean they enjoyed it, or found it stimulating), and do have sex. While this may not be for themselves but for their partner instead, not all asexuals are repulsed by sex and some might find it “feels good” or “it’s alright.”

The same can be said of masterbation. There are asexuals out there that engage in this activity, and enjoy it. But the probably is high that they aren’t thinking about people when they do this, for many asexuals the mind wanders around from one topic to the next. The misconception made at this point is that sexual attraction is the same as sexual arousal. For a more definitive definition of the difference you might find this page useful.

HOWEVER the above said there are many asexuals that find sex repulsive, or merely disappointing, and there are asexuals that don’t masturbate because they gain no pleasure from these acts. There are those that do not engage in any sexual act, even that of kissing.

Common feelings

Society is “sex-mad” and for many asexuals this can lead to feelings of isolation and also of being abnormal. This can lead to the asexual (particular young ones) growing up feeling like they are broken and need to be cured. All of their peers are expressing feelings they are not, and they have no way of knowing they aren’t the only one. Many asexuals feel the need to pretend to be like everybody else, and will lie about who they find attractive just to seem normal.

This leads on to the reason that many asexuals feel the need to come out, and make their experiences and orientation known about. For some of these asexuals it was a bumper ride than others, due to religion, family or sexual experimentation that turned out to be a big mistake. But to do this you need to make a fuss, and make yourself heard – which for a lot of people is difficult to do.

So I’ve given you a little on what asexuality is (links with more information for the interested coming later,) but what about what it isn’t. I covered two of these already, but a little repetition never hurt anybody. Did it?

What it isn’t

Asexuality is not:

• Celibacy
• Anti-sexuals
• A disorder – like we said you’re normal, just like everybody else.
• Late blooming – once you hit about twenty it’s more than likely you aren’t just late blooming.
• A hormonal problem – this one’s a little iffy, since for a few asexuals this could be the reason – but certainly not all of them.
• Homosexuals in hiding – remember about romantic orientations?

While I’ve covered some of asexuality here, I’ve certainly not covered all of it, or even half of it. I’m not an expert so I’ve only covered what I feel I know and understand as myself. There are plenty of places out there able and willing to supply you with more information if you’re interested. I hope this was helpful to some of you, and not too confusing. I haven’t said everything I could have because a) you can infer it from what I have said (for example, that some asexuals can be anti-sexual) and b) the information is pretty obvious. You know, and I know, that cause and effect are not always in the right place.