Do You or Your Partner Want More Sex?

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Do you want more sex then your partner does? does you partner want more sex than you do? Just about everything in your relationship can be wonderful, but when it comes to sex we may not have the same needs as the one we are with. For some relationships, this is a big issues that may cause a breakup if it is not dealt with, or not dealt with properly. For some couples, they don’t talk about sex openly, sensitively or for some they deal with frustrations rudely expressing it by lashing out. I’ve always believed that early on in a relationship we set a precedent of how the relationship will go, and sometimes it’s not conducive of what it takes for two people to have success together. In the beginning, we “act out” our expectations, by verbally stating, “oh, we need to communicate, it’s so important,” or, “if you need something that I’m not giving, I need you to tell me.” How we say things at the start of the relationship is “putting out” our needs, and how we’d like our relationship to go. So, from the get go of any newrelationship, we are “testing out” our compatibility. The following are three examples of scenarios of incompatibility, followed by ten things to make things better for you and your partner sexually.

1) You may have just meet someone very special,and they or you may have a greater sexual appetite, so what can you do? You should seriously consider this relationship since it is so new. Compatibility falls under many realms of a relationship, so consider do you go to sleep at 10 pm, as he/she does at 1 am? Are you a vegetarian, he/she meat and potatoes? Are you content with sex twice per week, as he/she has already expressed, “six days a week works for me!” If you see this is already a problem, perhaps you should consider this before you get involved any deeper? He/she may be great looking and fun to be with, but do you feel you can keep up or even want sex six days per week? Will you feel cheated if your partner is a lazy lover? It is important to talk about sex at some point of the relationship to determine your partners level of compromise. In a wonderful loving relationship, sex seems to find its way of happening in a natural way, so the two of you can be very happy.

2) The honeymoon is over!For a lot of couples “what once was is no more.” In the beginning things are always great, but for some, the newness fades away, as may the sexual desire for one another. Relationships are built on more than sex, and thank goodness they are! I’m not going to get into the whole “human nature” of sex, but their are “feelings of need,” and “feelings of love.” It is so wonderful to have both “need,” and “love,” but this doesn’t always happen. In relationships, you may have the “need” without the “love,” or the “love” without the “need.” With time, “life’s issues” may become demanding, stressful and can take our attention completely away from sex. We may have to much on our mind to relax, we may have fallen out of love, we are not happy in our marriage anymore, or we could be having physical aliments that hurt our ability to perform. Eventually we may notice a decreased, or increased libido for whatever the reason.

3) You just don’t want it anymore, as much as your partner does or you are frustrated with your partner with not having sex at all. Have you always noticed that your partner wanted more sex? Or, less? Have the two of you discussed this in the past? Are marital issues such as trust, honesty or cheating the root cause of the problems? “Sexual issues” are REAL problems in relationships, and some don’t even realize it or want to admit it is a problem.

Remember the importance of the following:

1) Talk about it sensitively. Communication is the most important thing in having a successful relationship, but when it comes to sex be sensitive about it. Sex is a BIG deal, and along with it comes many different emotions and feelings. Sex can have a lot of “baggage” attached to it, so be careful not to hurt the person you love.

2) Compromise. You may want more, but your partner may want less. There are many ways to compromise, such as self gratification, talk to your partner about this.

3) Don’t cheat! This will be your biggest mistake if you do! Cheating will not solve the problems between the two of you, but will only create more. Remember the consequences of losing the trust of your partner, because trust is hard to rebuild once you’ve lost it! Relationships are built on a solid foundation of trust, and you never want to shatter this, and always have your partner wondering if you are being truthful. You only hurt yourself in the long run by cheating. If the issue is only sexual, there are so many positive solutions that you can try in dealing with this, such as therapy, or the willingness to explore new sexual positions.

4) Focus on what is great between the two of you.Laughter, kindness, my best friend, enjoying each others company, fans of the same music, great parents, this should provide the backbone of your loving relationship. When you don’t lose sight of what is wonderful between the two of you, and you have an appreciation of one another, it brings two people closer, and making love and discussing it becomes easier. Distance between two people makes sex less intimate, so be aware of what is important in your relationship.

5) Be understanding. If you want more sex then your partner, or the other way around, be understanding. Not everyone is going to have the same needs as you, but understanding what they are thinking and feeling is important for your loving relationship to work.

6) Don’t demand. No one likes to have demands on them, especially when it comes to sex. If you’re demanding, or forcing, forget it! Not cool!

7) Don’t build up a resentment. All issues in a relationship will be better off if you talked about it sooner than after you’ve built up a resentment. Don’t let things build up till they blow up!

Don’t “cheapen” sex!If you and your partner are different, again you need to compromise and talk about things. Sexual compatibility becomes so important here, because some people can separate love and sex and fun, others are only into the “loving expression.”

9) Listen.This may not be easy, but listen to your partner if they don’t like what you are into or like what you want to try. And, if your partner is expressing something they really want, listen, possibly their can be a compromise that you can enjoy also.

10) Start over. It’s never to late to do and try new things,and build your relationship differently! New issues will arise in your relationship as ti8me goes on, and you can always come up with new ways of dealing with them, especially when it comes to sex. Don’t ever be closed off in trying to handle issues in new ways. Self-help books and articles are always full of tips to communicate, and live “better” in your everyday lives together.

Don’t let your loving relationship fall apart over sex, without exploring ways to resolve your concerns. Though not all relationships can be saved, do try making the effort together to resolve any differences.