Explaining Abuse: A case study.

Alistair is a young man who was abused as a small boy by a trusted and beloved uncle. If he ever permits himself to think about his sexuality, it is as something shameful and degrading. He has so far discarded the bewildered young lad he once was, that he speaks of his uncle, now deceased, with the greatest of affection and respect.

·       He is unhappy, unfulfilled and has discarded great chunks of his potential along with the hurt child he refuses to acknowledge.

·    Together with the child he used to be, he has discarded his creativity, spontaneity and sense of fun.

·    He has a vague awareness of himself as a bad boy who could get out of control.

·    Together with awareness of the physical feelings he experienced, he has repressed his sexual self.

·    He fears he may be someone who may behave badly; someone who cannot be trusted.

·    He is afraid to get close to anyone in case they should find out how wicked and unlovable he really is.

·    The righteous anger which should be directed at the man who abused his trust has been turned inwards against himself.

·    He is so afraid of what he or others may see that he will not look at himself, nor will he allow anyone else to see the hurt child within.

In therapy, it is possible to create a safe place where nothing is forbidden.

With a trusted therapist it is possible to look at the unthinkable without fear of judgement, rejection or punishment, to rediscover what actually happened.

The next step after rediscovering the past is re-appraising it.

Amongst many other techniques, psycho-synthesis could give him the tools he needs to rebuild himself in a totally acceptable form.

The little boy he used to be could ask the man he is now for advice on dealing with just that situation. Between them they could arrive at an understanding that the little boy was in no way at fault in submitting to the attentions of an adult he loved and trusted.

The fact that he experienced some pleasurable sexual feelings was only to be expected. He was biologically designed to do just that.

The pain he felt was not a well-deserved punishment for wrong-doing. His anxiety was a direct result of threats and suggestions made by a man he does not want to regard as evil.

Because the boy’s experience and feelings are not available to him on a conscious level, they have the same power to incite fear as the dragon under the bed. The more he refuses to look, the more he is paralysed by fear.