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Explaining Male Submission: What Men Want from a Dominant Woman

Male submission was once seen as an obsessive sign of weakness. Now it is recognised as taking a special kind of strength. It has been argued by leading psychologists that it is no more obsessively dysfunctional than any other form of sexuality.

In today’s society, men are finding the courage to throw off stereotypical chains and explore their physical and emotional boundaries.

Thirty years ago, if a man wanted to dress up in his wife’s underclothes, he was judged to be at least unmanly and at best, mentally ill. Today, a more enlightened society recognises his right to escape the confines of a conventional role and voluntarily explore all that he is capable of being, as long as he is sufficiently balanced to ensure he does no lasting harm to himself or others.

After all, macho man is allowed to break his own limbs, risk death and injure playmates in the pursuit of such pastimes as boxing, sailing, climbing, rugby football and recognised “extreme sports”, whilst those in search of bodily or spiritual perfection exercise and deprive themselves, subjecting themselves to all kinds of emotional, mental and physical regimes, not least in media and competitive environments or in the armed forces.

Male submission was once seen as an obsessive sign of weakness. Now it is recognised as taking a special kind of strength. It has been argued by leading psychologists that it is no more obsessively dysfunctional than any other form of sexuality, including the accepted ideal of falling in love in a normal, heterosexual relationship leading to marriage and honeymoon period, where a man is expected to be consumed by thoughts of sexual satisfaction to the point that society recognises his need to remain undisturbed with the object of his fixation.

It is this kind of intensity of intimacy, stimulus, satisfaction and release that a man seeks in submission.

He may be looking for relief from the stresses of a demanding or dangerous job or a stressful social situation. He may be looking for acceptance as a rounded human being with unrepressed emotions and love of sensual stimulus.

He may crave a situation in which he can prove himself, his devotion, his self-discipline and his courage. Or he may be seeking more sophisticated sexual stimulus than that of a “Vanilla” or conventional relationship which has lost its intensity.

He may long to be encouraged, even forced, to do things which fascinate, but repel him, because he has been conditioned to believe they are unacceptable. These acts may range from enforced chastity, to nakedness and humiliation or from wearing beautiful fabrics to indulging in “weaknesses” such as emotional or theatrical expression or simple abdication of all responsibility.

In particular, many men are so confused and insecure about their ability to meet the needs of their female partners that they prefer to be instructed how best to satisfy them, without the responsibility of taking initiatives or performing approaches which may be unwelcome.

But perhaps the greatest need a submissive male has from a Dominant woman is acceptance, of all that he is or could be, of his needs, his fears, his weaknesses and his failures and of his desire to please. This acceptance leads to a mutual trust and reciprocal delight in which, once mutual trust has been established and boundaries negotiated, both partners can confidently expect to be able to ask for and receive the satisfactions they crave. Once the bedroom door is closed, there are no longer any rules beyond the ones they make for themselves.

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  1. Good job!

    On November 8, 2008 at 7:37 pm


    :)

  2. Stephen S

    On May 25, 2009 at 7:55 pm


    A thoughtful piece, and well written. As someone having a very long term attempt at this kind of relationship, I know how difficult it is to explore the motivations for submission in truthful terms. But shouldn’t it have been: ‘Thirty years ago, if a man wanted to dress up in his wife’s underclothes, he was judged to be at least unmanly and at WORST, mentally ill’? And I don’t agree that: ‘…many men are so confused and insecure about their ability to meet the needs of their female partners that they prefer to be instructed how best to satisfy them…’. I doubt the basis for ‘many’. And I see it as a fair exchange. If I can give you love in the forms you desire, why not do the same for me? So, I agree that it is a search for: ‘acceptance as a rounded human being with unrepressed emotions and love of sensual stimulus.’

  3. Al Dente

    On June 4, 2010 at 4:37 pm


    Female dominance is not new. It has been the basis of successful long term relationships forever. The only relationships I know of that are male dominated are abusive and usually short lived. In marriages when the woman is in charge things go smoothly; when the man is in charge they are rocky.

    In successful marriages women call the shots and always get the last word. Most men would never admit to being pussy whipped to others and often even to themselves but they wouldn’t want it any other way. Women are just better at some things like running the house, managing money, etc.

    Men are simple animals; we can not read women’s minds. It is so much better for women to simply tell men what they expect. I”ve been so frustrated by women who expected me to just know what they want/need reasoning that if I truely loved them I would I would be so in tune with their feelings that I would just know. Expecting men to be intuitive to women’s needs for men is like playing a game who’s rules we will never understand. It sets us up for failure. Just tell us what you want.

    For example, my GF told me to keep the bathroom clean. Ok, it looks fine to me. Women have almost a 6th sense about seeing messes while to men seeing them is like seeing a rowboat from the bridge of an aircraft carrier. It is so much easier if she explains what she means by clean. Explaining that men overspray when we urinate standing up and that we should l wipe the rim every time we pee sets expectations. Why does my GF care since we keep the lid down? I don’t know but I do know it is important to her that the rim of the toilet stays clean and that is good enough for me. The shower looked fine to me as well, no mold or stains. My GF pointed out all the water spots and explained that there is a squeegee in the shower so every time I shower I can squeegee it down. Again, now I know the standard and what is expected of me. The bathroom rugs get dingy if they aren’t washed every week, Now I know that I have to wash them every weekend even if they look fine to me. I think I have a pretty good handle on what my GF expects of me when she asks me to keep the bathroom clean. No more guessing or thinking things are fine when they aren’t.

    Most men want to make their wife or GF happy. Just tell us what you expect.

    I love demanding “bitchy” women. The more they ask the more needed and loved I feel. It isn’t a fetish or lifestyle; it is just recognizing human nature. Men need to be kept on a short leash.

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