Fetish and Kinky Sex

Deviance, perversion, fetish, there’s a dark murky world of sin and shame lurking somewhere in our society.

That’s the popular image of kink, anyway.  It’s a common hit for the media, because so many of us are interested in things kinky, some with a gentle, horrified fascination, some with outright zealous condemnation.  Perhaps not really knowing what it is, perhaps secretly interested, not wanting to admit to self or partner, but still wanting to know.

 I use the royal we, here, of course: I’m dead kinky and love every minute of it.  Dark and murky that world may be, but only when we want it to be.  On the whole kinky people are of more than average intelligence, have good jobs and are well able to separate fantasy from reality.  On the whole, kinky people are imaginative and creative, engaged with the art of sex.

Fetish is never a choice: if you have it, you have it.  The choice is what to do with it.  Be embarrassed by it, hate it, become a victim of it, or embrace it, celebrate it, enjoy it? Strictly paraphilia, the sexualisation of items or body parts not usually connected with the act of sex, or sex involving sadomasochism, it often rears its head in middle life after mild overtures in childhood, inconveniently conflicting with acquired values and relationships.

Kink is more of a lifestyle choice.  It’s enhanced sex, sex with intelligence, sex using tools (toys), recognise anything very human about that?  Tools and intelligence…  Sometimes it’s instead of sex,  sometimes it’s far, far more than sex can ever be.

There’s no clear line between fetish and kink, although a fetish is often the basis for creating a kinky lifestyle, whereas a kinky lifestyle can be created simply from choice, with no underlying fetish.    The fetishist can end up cast apart for lack of understanding and tolerance, while the kinkster is more likely to be cast apart simply for having too much fun.