Four Ways to Know How Healthy Your Sex Life is

by On to Something in Sexuality, February 7, 2011

Scientists compile complicated statistics, and social commentary offers endless advice and detailed measurements. But really, you can assess the healthiness of your sex life by asking yourself four simple questions.

1. Are you having sex?

If you and your spouse still have sex regularly, that’s an excellent sign. Don’t let any friend, expert, or article define how often you must have it — it’s most important that you simply do it routinely. The frequency of sex varies greatly, even among couples with very healthy sex lives.

You and your lover (just like every other couple) might have sex more or less often than the “average,” depending on how busy your jobs are, whether you have kids, your other commitments, your energy levels, and your health.

But if it’s a normal part of your life to make time for sex, then you’ve passed the biggest hurdle. If you’re having sex, then your sex life at least exists, and a really fundamental part of being healthy is being alive.

Problems? Try This

Even if you don’t feel like doing it, just do it. For women, especially, research has shown that having sex more often leads to wanting sex more. Because women have lower sex drives, waiting until you feel completely “in the mood” might prevent you from ever feeling in the mood. Work at figuring out what turns you on, and give it a try. How can you improve your sex life, so that you want to have more sex, without working at it — by having sex?

2. Do you like having sex?

When you do it, is it fun? Do you enjoy it? Does it feel good? Or are you wondering why you bothered and wishing it would just end?

If you and your spouse have a good time together in the sack, then you have a healthy sex life. Even if you can’t tick off every box on some list or sex quiz, and even if you don’t have intercourse as often as others, and even if you don’t do particularly naughty things, you still have a good sex life. The whole point of sex is enjoying each other sexually, so if you are, then you’re right on track.

Problems? Try This

Again, the best way to make sex better is to work at it. Talk about what you want, what you like, how you feel, what you’re thinking. Try new things, in new ways.