How A Weighing Device Saved My Sex Life

Well, I must admit first, that I love to cook. I simply dig standing over the cooking area, multitasking like a true geek should, and having the feeling of being an evil mad scientist. I have made many a strange discoveries there. For example, you can substitute any amount of flour in pounds for the N+4 number of pounds of coffee powder, if you add a little sugar to it. If you have something that is very disgustingly rotten, make a bowl of soup, and no one will notice…(can you say projectile vomiting Frenchman who tried to hit on my sister?)

So, one day, I was standing in my kitchen, minding my own piece of work (a difficult cake with multiple layers of frosting in the shape of a certain continent (coughFaeruncough), when my female roommate slipped in and began staring at my back. I do not know, but somehow, she never got it that if someone is not noticed and stares at a person, the person will know, but if the starer is noticed, the victim can go on as long as he wants.

Now, I have to admit, in my case it was my MP3 player, tuned to Rammstein and Dragonforce, both bands I admire, that saved me from having to notice her. Well, she was very persistent, sat there and just tried to force me to recognize her, but seemingly it never worked.

I was just shoving the cake out of in the cold, when she jumped my back. (Just a little for the records, she is about 1,60 meters, and weighs less then 64 lbs. I did not really care.) Finishing the placement of the cake, and the peeling my former roommate from my shoulders, I just held her like an infant under one arm while I resumed my cooking. I am kind of a heavy guy, and so it took a while, but finally, she stopped playing it simple, and ripped my MP3-player out of my ears.

“”What are you giving me for my birthday, honey?””

I simply placed the “I do not understand game”, and worked on, until she had me in a choke hold and forced me down on my knees (just for the records, this girl had been kind of rough, and always loved to refer to me as her bedroom toy. But at that point of our relationship, where we were basically just roommates with loads of no strings attached sex, she had decided to give me the “no sex until you do exactly what I say” treatment, so I kept basically quiet.)