How to Deal with a Sexually Abused Loved One

I felt a need to write this in case (and I pray every night for the opposite) any of you ever need such advice. It’s certainly not easy for either side, and I understand that some of you dealing with a friend or family member who has suffered have no clue what to do or say. It must be quite scary.

Please know that my advice will not work for everyone; this is, in fact, quite tethered to myself and how I feel and have been dealt with by those closest to me. I have a very specific situation, and so this isn’t going to be nearly as general as I would like for it to be. So here are some things I learned personally after my secret came out.

Before I start, however, I’ll need to give you the following information and nothing more, as this is a very personal incident: the perpetrator was my step dad, the timeframe nearing about a year.

I’m not a mental person, and I don’t need a box of tissues around me at all times, but I have gotten extremely sensitive over things that wouldn’t have affected me so drastically in former times.

It’s not easy for me to be in the same area that I was in while everything happened. I’m scheduled to be moving soon, but I was so thankful to live with someone aside from my mom for a week, love her though I do. Coming back was quite painful, though I hadn’t been gone long.

Everyone (and I mean everyone) who knows of my situation has told me that if I needed to talk they would be there for me. I cannot count on both my hands and feet how many people told me this, but I also cannot stress how much it meant to me. People who barely know me say this, and though it seems like it would get old (seriously, there are about two people I would actually talk to) it truly helps me to not feel so alone.

I don’t, however, want to be forced to talk about it. Generally if I change the subject during a conversation, it means I don’t want to. I don’t appreciate being pushed to continue said conversation, because for the most part it is my story to tell.

Speaking of it being my story to tell, I don’t like it when other people want to tell others. I’m actually quite manic lately about who knows my secret and who doesn’t. My mother took it upon herself to start telling people, however. As much as it truly does bother me, I let it slide because I understand my mother is not having an easy time. And I truly hope none of you think she should be.