How to Deal with a Sexually Abused Loved One

by Mariah Hotz in Sexuality, October 30, 2008

If you have suffered this or a similar situation, please don’t be offended by what you read here. Remember, it’s only my story. Feel free to post yours too, or if that’s too impersonal, just message me.

I’m sure many of you have noticed that I keep referring to “my secret”. That’s what it was, and what it still feels like at times. My secret. I hid it for a year, no one knew. It was what I lived with, a silenced part of me that was in no hurry to get out. It feels so strange not having to protect my secret.

Which brings me to my biggest point. There is absolutely nothing anyone can do that is worse than asking me why I didn’t tell or informing me that I should have said something. It can’t even be comprehended how many times I mentally said the most inappropriate things to myself and degraded myself, making myself feel weak, stupid, and barely human at times. I do NOT need to hear the same from others around me. I need support, not criticism. Do you honestly think I don’t know that I should have said something?

So I don’t like to talk about it. I don’t even like to think about it really. It’s still so new, still so painful sometimes. I don’t want to hear his name or see his picture. I don’t want to think of all the good times, and especially not the bad. Because when I do…..I feel guilty. Now, I understand that none of it was my fault. God has granted me peace with that, but that’s not why I feel guilty. You see, my step dad had to move (run was more like it) across the country. Police are looking for him everywhere, and if he gets caught he’s going to jail for a very, very long time. He will never get to see his baby boy grow up, he will probably not be with his parents when they die, and he’s not getting to finish out his life. If he did get out early, he would have to register as a sex offender every year. He would be shunned from societies and ran out of towns. I don’t want that for him.

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So, this entire shindig has not been easy for me and I’m so confused at times. But I can deal and I will. Having so many people to support and love me means the world and beyond to me, but try to remember there’s only so much you can do for a loved one. The rest will be healed with time.