Is Sexual Orientation a Choice?

A lot of Christian fundamentalists and conservatives would have you believe that sexual orientation is nothing more than a lifestyle choice that can be easily changed just by deciding to change it, or through therapy. These people like to push this belief to justify their claim that homosexuality is a sin, as opposed to just the way that their “God” made some people. This view is also used as a basis to discriminate against gays and lesbians.

Most scientists, however, agree that people are born with their sexual orientation, and that it cannot be changed. It is impossible to decide who you are attracted to sexually.

But whether it is a choice or not really depends on how you define “sexual orientation.” Is it defined by attraction or by behavior?

Though most dictionaries define sexual orientation by which gender a person is attracted to, a lot of people tend to look at behavior only when judging a person’s sexual orientation.

For example, a woman who is actually only attracted to men and has only had serious relationships with men, but engages in sexual activity with her female friends for attention is generally considered to be bisexual by most people, even though her same-sex sexual encounters have been more for the pleasure of male onlookers than for her own pleasure.

However, a woman who is attracted to both men and women and has sexual fantasies about both, but chooses to date and have sex with men exclusively for whatever reason would normally be seen as straight, due to lack of experience with the same gender. 

And what about men who find themselves attracted more to men, but are too afraid to come out of the closet? They may get married, have children, and live as though they are straight for years. As long as they never have an affair with another man, does that mean they are straight? Even if they have to think about men just to be intimate with their wife?

What would you consider all of those virgins who have never had any sexual contact yet? Are they all asexual since they’ve never had sex? Usually if a woman is questioning her sexual orientation, people give the advice that they need to experience sex with both to actually know, even though if a man shows any curiosity in sex with another man, people automatically assume that he is 100% gay. Does this mean that female virgins are asexual, but that male virgins are either gay or straight (but never bisexual), depending on who they are attracted to? 

People try to change their sexual orientation all the time for many reasons. Whether they think that it will make them seem more attractive or unique, or because they are afraid of discrimination if they admit what they really are, people can choose what sexual behaviors they wish to engage in. But is this enough to actually change your sexual orientation? Does it really matter who you’re attracted to?

If you define sexual orientation by behavior, then yes, it is a choice. But people who’s behavior differs from their attraction tend to be more depressed, feel less fulfilled, and are more unhappy with their lives overall, so it is unreasonable and inhumane for conservative Christians to expect homosexuals to live as though they are straight.