No Sex Please: I’m an Abstinence Geek
by What is this abstinence thing all about?
Abstinence is a word that a lot of people do not like, an amazingly some people may not even be able to tell you the meaning of the word because it’s not in their vocabulary or sphere of thinking. To most teenagers and young people this word is almost synonymous with “being lame” or simply ”having no game”. When you claim abstinence it’s just an excuse because you “can’t get any”. It is something that a lot of people run away from cause it’s got some sort of stigma and when you say you are for abstinence, it makes you sound like a religious fanatic of the David Koresh, Jim Jones type.
The Encarta dictionary defines Abstinence as self denial: restraint from indulging a desire for something e.g. Alcohol or sexual relations .
In recent years an organization called the Silver Ring Thing™ is helping teens realize that they are not on their own and that they have support. Just like those that want to give up smoking or loose weight have support groups. SRT is an organization that help teen realize that they do not have to go with the flow, of promiscuity and sleeping with that person you “love” outside the commitment of marriage. This “protection education” teaches nothing about consequence,character and responsibility. It essentially says you have no self control or restraint so ,give in to every sexual whim, scratch whatever itch, just make sure you “protect yourself” . Heart breaking is all i can say.
There have been vindictive attacks against the program claiming that it doesn’t work and it’s unhealthy to promote it. What i want to know is , if you never drink can you get drunk? , if you never do drugs can you become an addict ? If you don’t discipline yourself change your diet and exercise can you ever lose weight. Those that say it doesn’t work , just don’t want to admit that they like sex too much to give it up. The sex education that has been taught for many years, teenagers are still getting pregnant, and contracting STD . Condoms are scientifically proved to have a failure rate and are not 100% guaranteed. If you were about to jump out of a plane, and you were told there was a chance your parachute wouldn’t open due it’s nature from manufacture, would you still jump out?, Or wait till it’s 100% safe?
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Post CommentLazen and Keighte
On March 24, 2008 at 4:57 pm
There can NEVER be an alternative to Sex Education.
There just cannot be one, because even if you follow with your beliefs you will need Sex Education when you do come to the end of your journey finally and get married and go to have sex. You will still need the knowledge at this point.
So, there can never be an alternative to Sex Education, EVER, if we ever want to get rid of or subdue the problems we have in this world related to sex.
Lucien
On March 25, 2008 at 6:49 am
Thanks Lazen
I didn’t suggest that there should not be sex education, my issue is with the people that claim Abstinence does not work, thereby sex ed is the only way. Abstinence should also be taught, and not written off like most people are suggesting. The only way that abstinence does not work is if someone goes out and has sex.
Everyone has a choice, either to let Abstinence work for them or not. Those that choose that abstinnce is not for them ,that’s fine. They should just admit that they lke sex too much to give it up , instead of claiming abstinence does not work
Teaching kids that they can have sex with whoever they want as long as they use “protection” is not only morally wrong but teaches nothing about character and self control . If a guy had a wide variety while he was single and could not control himself then, do you really thing a ring is suddenly going to stop him from having a variety in marriage .
Abstinence helps build character to a certain extent, not absolutley but it helps.
Pete Macinta
On March 28, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Good article! You have made some good suggestions on how to abstain. May God bless you!
elaine
On June 2, 2008 at 12:00 am
Good article. I commend you on stepping out on what most people do avoid!
Kellie
On August 5, 2008 at 10:26 pm
I loved this article. I also wanted to comment that your body has a natural cycle and there are times of the month that a woman can and cannot become pregnant. By practicing abstaining from sex before marriage a couble can also practice abstatining from sex during marriage at certain times of the month if the couple does not thing they are ready to have a child. We were created to choose to have sex when we a) are open and willing to have children b) we want to show our marital love. Sex education meaning condoms, is educating humans that they cannot control their desires or urges and should simply run from the consequences. This is not what God teaches and should not be taught.
Christian M Archer
On January 16, 2009 at 4:48 pm
You tackled this sticky subject (no pun intended) with class and a sense of humor. Whether folks agree with your philosophies or not, you wrote a great article!
Patricia
On March 5, 2009 at 8:02 pm
This is a wonderful article. Thank you for the practical tips! It is very hard for me to resist advances from guys who don’t share my view, but I believe it is the best way. I want to marry the right one and never divorce. I hope the same for all of you out there!
ochuko
On March 20, 2009 at 1:13 pm
This is a great article.. Everyone should read this and take a stand on sex!!
I like the “one thing led to another..” part..
Kbells
On March 22, 2009 at 4:43 pm
This is a beautiful piece,it’s real.As Christians, we live by a different set of rules so, when we talk about abstinence, it can’t make any sense to non-Christians.
Now, kissing and petting are not an end in themselves, they re a means to an end and that’s y it’s called foreplay – mutual sexual fondling prior to sexual intercourse-. So, why start what you claim you don’t want to finish?
As regards what you can do if you can’t touch or kiss your boyfriend/girlfriend, what you are meant to do in courtship is to get to know the person well and truth be told, all the physical drama only blurs true intimacy.
If only we could see that our value system as christians is there for our own good and not because God is just one very nasty person who doesn’t want us to be happy,we would be the better for it.
Kbells
On March 22, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Now, all i said does not in anyway mean that i don’t have feelings or that my bodily fluids don’t do their thing occasionally but then, what sustains anyone is the grace of God and trust me, only that grace can sustain you
Seun
On March 25, 2009 at 9:54 pm
It is interesting because i was just listening to a T.D Jakes sermon titled, nothing just happens and here i am reading a piece on the abstinence which alluded to the same reasoning. Stephen Covey, an author i always love to quote says, the meaning of responsibility is response-able i.e. the ability to choose the right response. In the same vein, the great theologian of the Scripture era, Paul says,”Everything is permissible but everything is not beneficial” and he also added that,”Everything is permissible and i will not be mastered by any.” It is possible to abstain from sex before marriage because even though it is not somewhat a permissible act – nobody is going to be condemned to death because of sex – it isn’t at all beneficial act. It is meant as one of the earlier contributors rightly alluded to, for procreation and for the expression of love in marriage. I choose to abstain!
Olu.Scribe
On March 26, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Dr Myles Munroe is known for saying “If the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable”
The purpose of Sex, has been twisted,tirvialized and made casual by the media(music,TV,movies) and been villanized by religion.
Polar opposites. The world sees sex as a way of expressing “Love” yet, that “love” does not keep them patient enough to get married. Some use it for fun, and some kill boredom.
The “church” cringes at the sound of the word, or raising of the topic, hence making it look evil.
This clearly shows the purpose is not known by either party.
The Bible has one word for safe sex , it’s called MARRAIGE
Sex is meant for people in the COMMITED institute of marriage, as a way of INTIMACY, between the two of them and noone else. They are not meant to give it away like it’s going out of style,as society will have us believe.
If the true purpoise of Sex is known, the world would not need to protect it’s self from it. There would be no need for condoms or blood tests.
The very words “use protection” means that you are entering a zone that you have no right to enter.
In medieval times a person coming into the gates of a city he belonged to did not need protection,he was recognized and ont suspected. However a person who is a stranger to that city and decides to enter thinking he is protected or has decieved the guards, has no right to be surprised if he is shot down by a sniper(archer).
Chikito
On March 30, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Dont really know how to approach this. Yes the society has made abstainance very difficult but we as individuals r finding it more difficult to resist the temptation. Just like pringles, once u pop u can’t stop.
The truth is that the best way to abstain is to stay away from relationships generally, trust me that’s the safest way.
On the other hand our sexuality is an aspect of our lives that we all want to explore, just as there is a time in the month where one is safe to have sex or not that is the same way there is an urge for a companion at a particular time of the month. It takes the grace of God to abstain when not in a relationship.
We all just have to state what we want from life and work towards it. There is no right or wrong way to abstain, its all about our belief and the choices we make. I say this cos there are people whe have been in relationships for years without sex but when it finally comes, they find themselves expecting more than there really is.
Sex is a situation that feels so right and yet is soooo wrong, and i say this only because the bible told me so. Finally abstainance can’t be a true test of love or commitment, because there are those who engage in these activities and are still in love.
I am not trying to justify lovemaking or abstainance, i’m only trying to commend a job well done and asking that you dont condemn those who engage in these activities. Its for you to spread the word and its up to them to make a choice.
Thank you for a wonderful article