Sex: It Gets Even Better

Why then are so many of us worried about our sexuality as we get older? Because so much of what we think we know about sex is myth.

The secret of successful sexual aging is knowledge. Here are the facts:

1. Most long-term couples do not suffer from sexual boredom.

During the years when careers and children are top priority, couples often become bored with their love life. But studies show that sexual frequency and satisfaction begin to climb when couples share more time after the children leave home. Men’s sexual frequency is highest between the ages of 51 and 64 and that women over 65 are more active than women in their 40s and 50s. When it comes to sex, familiarity breeds contentment.

1. Men’s sexual capacities do not steadily decline after a peak in the teen years.

If the goal is satisfaction, not ejaculatory speed, your love life actually may improve. Men’s innate ejaculatory demand doesn’t diminish noticeably until close to 50, and when it does, sexual satisfaction becomes easier. A man can prolong intercourse, focusing on his and his partner’s pleasure and giving her added time to achieve orgasm. And since men need more tactile stimulation and more time to become physically aroused, women can feel more needed.

1. Most women do not lose interest in sex after menopause.

Some women without partners suppress their libido – thus the myth that older women are not interested in sex. But studies of sexual behavior find an upswing in sexual frequency for women over 65 who have partners. Women are more comfortable being assertive and more likely to initiate sex – and this is liberating for men too. One physical change that may interfere with sexual spontaneity after menopause is less vaginal lubrication, which can be managed with the use of a water-soluble lubricant.

1. Most older women do not lose their capacity for orgasm.

Aging itself has no effect on a woman’s ability to reach orgasm. Even a woman’s capacity for multiple orgasms is undiminished. Some women find that, as their estrogen levels drop, their drive toward orgasm actually increases. However, illness, pain, prescription and over-the-counter medications, loss of a partner and stress may interfere. So if your responses have waned, check with your doctor.

1. Sex in later years is healthy.

Sex can provide enough activity for a mild workout. Psychologically, a sexual relationship can help prevent depression, increase self-esteem, encourage weight control and counteract stress.

1. Sex is unlikely to give you a heart attack.

Despite the jokes about “death by orgasm”, less than one percent of sudden coronary deaths take place during intercourse – and 70 percent of these occur during extramarital relations. A U.S. study of more than 1600 people found that the risk of heart attack from sex is similar to the risk from getting out of bed in the morning. So if you survived a heart attack and now avoid sex because of fear or anxiety, check with your doctor for the go-ahead – then, go ahead.

1. Erection problems are not inevitable – and when they do occur, there are ways to cope.

Between 15 and 25 percent of men over 65 have erectile dysfunctions severe enough to preclude intercourse. The majority of such problems in older men are thought to have physical causes – over-the-counter or prescribed medications (such as high blood pressure drugs), illness like diabetes, heart disease, hypertension and multiple sclerosis; vascular problems or neurological changes. So if you are having difficulty, visit a physician. And remember that a full erection is not necessary. With mental and physical stimulation, a man can experience orgasm without erection.

1. You can take charge of your sexual future – whatever age you are.

Researchers have found we “use it or lose it”. And by remaining sexually active, you help to slow down some of the changes of the aging process.

So look at the effect s of aging as opportunities, not losses.