Sex or Fireworks: The Choice is Yours
Men in Naples,the original Italian Naples that is, were caught between a rock and a hard place as they marked the turn of the year this time around.
Neapolitans normally celebrate in that world wide, time-honoured waste of money – the firework display. They tend to be extravagant, excessive and hyperactive in their chosen method of celebrating. Cheap, illegal fireworks flood the market and even the youngest of children have access to them, leading to the injury of handlers and spectators, and (more significantly) to much annoyance and lack of sleep for all those citizens who, like me, fail to attribute any special merit to the movement of the hands of the clock.
In Naples 2008 was heralded with 1 death and 473 injuries resulting from home made bangers, and that was after police had managed to confiscate a massive 146 tonnes of the things beforehand, but how do you stop young men from letting off fireworks?
The answer to the problem comes in the form of Naples housewife, Carolina. Carolina’s father was seriously injured handling illicit fireworks as a young man and, as a result, suffered from epilepsy for the rest of his life.
Carolina’s method of pyrotechnic reduction is simple and even more time-honoured than the firework displays she intends to wipe out. She has allegedly persuaded hundreds of women in Naples to give their men a choice on New Years Eve: fireworks in the street or fireworks in the bedroom, but definitely not both. And it seems that even the city fathers (who may be too old for either, it must be admitted) appear to be persuaded, urging the authorities to adopt the slogan “Make love, not explosions”, advice that might be taken the wrong way by some lusty young stallions.
So I wonder which was the more lit up this year – the Naples sky or the bedrooms of Naples? Which do Neapolitan men prefer – fireworks with their men friends or fireworks with their women? And why was the part of Belfast I live in devoid of fireworks this year (the gunpowder kind)? And what choice did the redoubtable Carolina’s husband make? He wouldn’t dare!
Way to go Carolina.
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User Comments
RJ Chamberlain
On January 4, 2009 at 3:43 am
Ha ha! This is classic stuff Rask. Funny but I believe it will become a sure fire way of preventing deaths and injury due to fire works(In males anyway). Nice work.
Geri Ohara
On January 4, 2009 at 6:16 am
Love it Rask I know what I would pick! lol
Glynis Smy
On January 4, 2009 at 6:47 am
Great article and great woman!
R J Evans
On January 4, 2009 at 1:11 pm
I think the ladies have been reading Lysistrata!
) Good on ‘em!
Darren Goad
On January 5, 2009 at 3:54 am
I had to laugh at this one.
JK Kristie
On January 5, 2009 at 6:01 am
My countrymen should read this. lol.
Maria Blazz
On January 5, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Nice and funny story. But kids usually love fireworks, I wonder how they deal with them in Naples.
Yerer0
On January 5, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Funny solution. Maria Blazz, I really hope they have a different solution for the kids. :0. Idk maybe dessert or fireworks?
Paula Mitchell Bentley
On January 5, 2009 at 8:17 pm
I had to read it…great title! Very interesting idea. It’s amazing how women can really get a handle on men’s behavior when the bedroom is brought into it. Perhaps we should threaten those involved in declaring war or violence on another with the same thing…
TSDark
On January 5, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Haha to funny, great title, great content.
TommyP
On January 6, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Yeah; great for married or “involved” guys… But if you don’t have a wife or girl friend obviously as you mentioned already the fireworks are more easily obtained… Maybe that’s what should be changed!!!
John McDonnell
On January 7, 2009 at 11:32 am
Great story, Rask. It reminds me of the Greek play (I think it’s called The Trojan Women), where the women get sick of war and tell the men there’ll be no more sexual relations till the war is ended. As I recall, the war ended pretty quickly after that.
eddiego65
On January 8, 2009 at 7:32 am
Great piece. Fireworks in the bedroom is definitely very much safer.
Brian Daniel Stankich
On January 30, 2009 at 5:54 pm
I’m with eddie.
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