Teenage Sexuality: Who Am I?

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Making the transition from childhood to adolescence can be daunting and depressing. The rules changed, people changed, and the list of social stigmas just got longer. Teenage girls must start wearing bras, putting on make-up, and acting in certain ways to get noticed by the guys – that is, if they want any chance at popularity. On the flip side, teenage boys must start working out, talk about “chicks”, listen to certain bands, and hang out with the “guys”.

The social hierarchy for teenagers is usually set by their peers at school. The people at the top of the pyramid are the “popular” people. For the girls, this mostly involves cheerleaders and friends of cheerleaders. For the guys: jocks, and guys that date the popular girls. The influence that the popular crowd has over everyone else at this age is intimidating. The girls should want to look pretty and get noticed – the guys should want to date the popular girls and impress their friends. While this stereotypical mindset doesn’t change a whole lot after adolescence, it definitely has a bigger effect on individual life as a teenager than it does as an adult.

What happens, then, when your emotions and desires go against this set-in-stone societal “norm”? What if a teenage girl is confused: her boyfriend is attracted to her, but she finds herself unable to see him as more than a friend? And what if one of the guys feels completely awkward and turned-off when his friends talk about sex, girls, and whatever else teenage boys talk about? Is it normal for a girl to not be attracted to guys, and a guy not be attracted to girls?

So many things come into play when trying to answer this question. Teenage sexuality is a complex and confusing topic, and most of the confusion comes from pre-existing social norms. Attraction to the same sex, or homosexuality, is still a scapegoat in society. In teenage peer groups, it’s an even bigger scapegoat. Most teenage boys, but also some girls, are looking for anything they can to put down. The gays and lesbians in school become labeled “gross” and “wrong” by the majority, and for them, finding somewhere to fit in can be difficult. They often feel completely out-casted, and scared of what their peers will think. A majority of gay and lesbian teenagers won’t out themselves to their peers, because of the fear of being judged.

To be in this setting as a gay or lesbian teenager can be extremely unhealthy, and it can leave emotional scars that last well into adulthood. The confusion that they feel is the hardest part: “Why don’t I feel that way about Ashley when Matt talks about her? Why am I so different?” These are questions commonly asked by confused teens.

For some gay and lesbian teens, this process can be completely pain free. They may find a clique with which they fit in perfectly, or they may be in a demographic area where these social stigmas aren’t a problem. For the majority, though, this process will be extremely hard, and on top of other responsibilities and expectations as a teenager, overwhelming. The key to survival is finding a friend, or friends, to entrust and expose oneself to.