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Transvestites, Transgender, and Social Intolerance

by Kim Seabrook in Sexuality, October 20, 2009

People have recently been much taken by the video footage of two transvestites being attacked on a Cardiff street. The fact that they proceeded to put their assailants on their backsides caused more than a ripple of mirth. Yet away from the news feeds and joys of You Tube, the reality for transvestites is often very different.

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The fact that the two transvestites in question were cage fighters, or real men in a dress, appears to have acquired them a degree of acceptance, well it’s all a bit of a laugh isn’t it? No, it isn’t, not for most transvestites who choose to express their femininity in public when the constant fear of attack is a real and present danger. After all, the two people in question were assaulted that night for who they were, or what they appeared to be. The fact that they happened to be more than capable of defending themselves is neither here nor there. What if a transvestite, drag queen, or gay man had been beaten up in the streets, would that have been reported or dealt with in quite the same way? Would it have raised a laugh, or even a murmur of interest. They were targeted initially because they were different and appeared to be a soft touch, and their attackers obviously thought this was reason enough to launch a tirade of abuse and flailing fists in their direction.

However, being a transvestite, or transgendered in any way, isn’t as simple as being able to dress up in your best frock and go out on a Saturday night with your mates. It can be the cause of great shame and embarrassment, it can break up marriages, alienate people from their families, end in dismissal from ones job, and as we have seen lead to violence. But why should it cause any of these things. People are not one-dimensional, we all have different needs and desires, some men cry and express their emotions, other men don’t. A man is a man because he is born a man, that doesn’t mean he cannot be anything else. Yet men fear nothing more than the undermining of their perceived masculinity. How many men have laughed along to Lily Savage but none would express an attraction for her legs; how many men have sung along to the young Boy George but none would say how pretty they thought he was. How many times might you be entertained by a drag queen in a pub. You laugh along and you applaud at the end, but what would the reaction be I wonder, if a man simply turned up at a pub in drag, and without the excuse of fancy dress, but merely because they wanted to dress as a woman, to be a woman, if only for that night. The reaction as we know would be very different. Because what is acceptable in the world of entertainment, or in the world of unreality, still isn’t considered acceptable in society.

So what is the lure of transvestism, does it fulfill a need, or satisfy a desire? It is essentially an expression of femininity, a femininity we all have but most men endeavour to suppress. That doesn’t mean that all men wish to wear women’s clothes, any more than all women like to wear women’s clothes, but it is the physical expression of that femininty. It is the opportunity to wear makeup, to change ones look (something women do regularly) to make oneself pretty, to wear soft clothes, to be gentle and free of that all-embracing, choking, masculine swagger. Men mock the apparent female obssession with shoes, this is only because we do not wear them. If we did, and we began to understand the transformative feeling of self-confidence that can come from stilettos or pair of killer heels, then we would laugh less and appreciate more; and this is not a flippant digression because it is all about self-confidence. A great many transvestites would say that it is only when dressed that they truly feel to be themselves, that they are relaxed and at last confident with who they are. Isn’t this what we want people to be, don’t we want to know people for who they truly are. Not being able to express your own personality, your essence, having to lie and live a pretence will ultimately just make us angry, frustrated, and bitter, feelings we ultimately take out on other people, often those we love; and would men be less inclined to fight if they thought it would smudge their makeup or rip their tights, somehow I think they would.

So why does society fear it so much? Why should it be considered to stand aside from the normal pattern of behaviour. After all, I was only born a man by an accident of birth. It had nothing to with me and I had no say in how I was raised. Someone who is a transvestite, or indeed a transsexual, isn’t looking to undermine society. Yet by their very existence they do. Society is based upon the notion of the nuclear family, it is considered to be the glue that holds society together, anything that loosens the grip of the nuclear family is looked upon warily. Hence, the reluctance to fully embrace the concept of gay marriage. Indeed, there is no such thing as gay marriage but merely a civil union or partnership. Marriage has to be between a man and a woman. Whereas Governments can legislate in favour of the transgendered and gay community, they cannot change, or do not have the will, to change, those attitudes prevalent in society that make behaviour that is outside the mainstream frowned upon and worse by society. The best we can hope for is tolerance, acceptance, however, is still a long way off. That is why drunken thugs can still feel it is acceptable to attack transvestites in the streets. 

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