Virgin Seeds

My body has always had an aversion to any foreign objects or matter in it, in any form, from false teeth to heroin. God help me if I ever go deaf, need false teeth or contact lenses, let alone want to go tripping on a drug. My body would spit on them all. Thankfully I grew up in a more promiscuous era when condoms weren’t considered ‘naice’ by good girls. We took our chances and had babies before we married. Better that than the revolting slippery rubber-ness of a condom. Not that I’ve ever seen one up close. I can’t even bear the feel of rubber gloves and blowing up a balloon makes me gag.

I had a baby when I was 18 after my boyfriend of 2 years and I experimented. My sex education consisted of a book my mother gave me when I was about 12. I remember the first page. It said ‘a lady gets pregnant when the man gives her a seed’. Armed with that knowledge I made sure I never took seeds from any man and always watched suspiciously if they put their hands into their pockets, into their seed supply! Unfortunately my mother died when I was 14 before she got around to the task of telling me where the seeds came from and how they got to where they made the lady pregnant, and I guess after that everyone presumed some other aunt or relative had told me. But they hadn’t so my boyfriend, who didn’t know much more than I did, and I found out together.

We married when the baby was 5 months old, not knowing we’d done it again! The next baby was born 4 days less than a year after the first one. Which made me a sort of child-mother. Salesmen would come to the door and ask to speak to my mother. I would indignantly say “I AM the mother!” And I think I was a good one mainly because I didn’t know anything and simply followed my intuition. Babies are lovable, I needed a family, it worked for me.

I tried The Pill. I cried all the time. When I suspected it was a side effect from imbibing foreign objects ie. The Pill, I went back to the doctor, sat in his office and couldn’t talk for crying. He got the message and prescribed a lower dose but it didn’t make any difference so I took myself off it. A couple of years passed and I was pregnant again. Oh well if we had two another one would make the family complete and this time I might have a bit more time to enjoy the baby without the feeling of having twins. She was an adorable baby and I did make the most of my last baby because I knew 3 children were the limit.

By then we’d well and truly figured out how you make babies and little did I know he was out practising on any woman that came into his line of sight. It was time to get something tied or cut. He chickened out of the simple op for a man so it fell to me to have a tubal ligation before I was 30.

The final straw came when I found out that for the two nights I was in hospital, he was in bed with my best friend …. and her husband! They’d taken breaks from the orgy to bring me clean nighties and comforting visits. Enough!

After a painful divorce I now live the way I was meant to – happily with the man of my dreams.