Communication in a Relationship: Part Two – Response to Darla Smith

Has your boyfriend/ husband always been a bad communicator, or is it just recently that he’s started to close up and stop talking to you when the two of you hit a rough patch?

If it’s always been a problem – if, since day one, your guy has had trouble opening up and telling you how he feels and working through problems in a mature and rational face-to-face manner – than I believe, if he’s willing, this is something you can and need to work through.

Communication is not as easy as it seems. We’re not all born with the skill of being able to calmly confront people when we’re upset and work out our issues through open dialogue. As a matter of fact, I’m not too good at it myself; my exes don’t call me the Master Silent Treatment Giver for nothing!

But if there’s anything I’ve learned from my past mistakes, in order to create and maintain healthy interpersonal relationships, it’s a skill that can be – make that, >needs to be– learned.

Let’s face it, without communication, you don’t have a relationship. It’s just that simple. So what can you do? Explain this to your boyfriend/husband directly, calmly and rationally.

Too often we girls let our emotions get in the way. When we want to get something off our chests, we cry, pout, and beg in order to make ourselves heard. Which is something we also should work on. Well, too bad for us the only thing our boyfriends hear is “whine, whine” before they tune us out and turn us off. It’s difficult enough to communicate; it’s even harder when we’re not speaking our partner’s language (or vice versa). Get what I mean? Guys are direct, to-the-point and upfront when they talk, so if you want to make your feelings heard, than that’s exactly what you need to be, too: direct, to-the-point and upfront. Don’t leave anything out tell him exactually what you feel and what he can do to improve and ask him if there is anything that you can do to improve things you do to upset him!

You can say something along the lines of, “You know I love you but honestly if this relationship is going to work, I need you to communicate with me. When something’s bothering either you or me, I want us to be able to talk openly and calmly about the issue so we can get to the bottom of it and work it out.”

Perhaps part of the reason he’s been so hesitant to communicate with you is because of the way you react, or maybe your the type to get mad and frusterated and you don’t realize it or – through tears and heightened emotions – so this type of directness will be a breath of fresh air for your boyfriend/husband and it will show him that you’re willing to work on communicating better, too. In this sense, you’re showing him that bettering your relationship is a team effort, rather than you against him

Please if you read this and you and your boyfriend/husband try this and try to make things work. If its not too personal I would like to know what happens and if I helped at all! Just remember if you guys are not communicating like you should tehn you don’t really have a relationship. Its more like its lust than a relationship! Without communication a relationship really is nothing and im not trying to sound rude when I say that im just stating what I know! And please do get back to me if you liked this!! If you need any further advive you can email me for some one on one advice at: jessymcg@yahoo.com