The Chinese Virgin Complex

The Taiwanese advertisement shown below says: “Vietnamese brides only $1000. Guaranteed virgin, guaranteed to marry within 3 months, no additional fees, and guaranteed replacement in the event she should run away within one year.” I know that many Chinese people would laugh at this ludicrous add, and I also admittedly find it funny. However, as a well-educated young woman from China with a bright career and happy family life ahead of me, I felt some deep sorrow rising up from the bottom of my heart, which linked these poor Vietnamese women to me in a very complicated way – a link which I have described as the Chinese ‘virgin complex’.

I grew up in a traditional middle-class family under the strict supervision of my mother. She not only pushed me to be the best student throughout my education, but also made sure my behavior met the highest moral standards at all times. Therefore, during my teenage years, my mother not only made sure the physical opportunity of loosing my virginity became zero, but would also root out any attraction to the opposite sex. I remember my reaction when one boy in high school gave me a present at a new year’s party. I was so angry that I threw it away in front of him because I thought how dare he try to damage my purity, and ruin my innocence. And that was about ten years ago. However, compared with my ancestors (grandmother or great grandmother), the ‘virgin complex’ had left only a minor mark on me. Even 100 years ago, once a Chinese woman had become engaged via family arrangement, she would belong to her husband forever, in both her body and mind, even though she had never met him before. Moreover, she had to die to protect her virginity if she was raped, and, if a woman was tempted to lose her virginity before she got married, that would bring the biggest disgrace to the family. Since ancient times, a good behaved woman has represented the highest moral standard for her family’s reputation, pride, and social status.

However, since China opened up to the world 30 years ago, things have drastically changed. People don’t care about virginity as much as before. And I am so happy to see that people have started to judge women based on their intelligence, character, personality, and morality. Any of these are better than using virginity as a standard to judge a woman by, as if she is some sort of disposable goods that once opened, the shelf price would be reduced. I know that there are still some obvious remnants of the Chinese ‘virgin complex’ in the Orient today. For example, you commonly find grown up women in China who dress and behave like pre-adolescent girls. There is no doubt that some of this behavior could simply be explained by a persons fear and refusal of growing up, facing the real world, and assuming more responsibility. But when you see some of these oriental women dressed up in school girl-style fashion and fluttering their eyelids in a very innocent manner as if twelve years of age, then you realize that another explanation is warranted. This kind of Lolita trend and behavior is very popular in China and other East Asian countries like Korea and Japan, because in these countries it is considered very attractive for a girl to be simple, naïve and innocent; and these characteristics are associated with virginity. Hence, a virgin bride would automatically appear more attractive in these cultures. The Vietnamese bride advertisement displays this attitude more openly.