10 Times When It is Okay to Lie

Lying is not to be taken lightly. We all seek the truth but it seems bewilderingly hard to find. Father Timothy Radcliffe in his Memorial Lecture in the Eric Symes Abbott series in 2004 states it clearly; “We are drowning in information, but we do not know whom or what to believe.”

In Dante’s Inferno, he describes the various levels of Hell. If one can talk about the upper echelons of Hell, the highest levels are reserved for those that give into their weaknesses; lust, gluttony and the like. The middle level is reserved for the violent but the depth of the dark hole of Hell is for the traitors, the treacherous, and the liars.

Before we climb the stairs to stand on the soapbox of virtuousness, are there instances when lying is acceptable? Are there lies or mis-truths we hear everyday that we sort of say, “Bull dust”, and sanction?

Ten Times When It Is Accepted It Is Okay to Lie

1. When your Mum asks you if you have been good
2. When it is to make someone else look good or better. “I couldn’t have done it without the help of Mary. She did most of it”.
3. When your partner asks “Do I look fat in this?”
4. To save our children. “Is the tooth fairy real?” “Do you believe in the Easter bunny?” Tell the truth if you dare!
5. So as not to hurt someone’s feelings. It is not even necessary to lie, just not to tell the direct truth. Using a side issue is a great tactic. When served with a culinary disaster, “Thanks you so much for making dinner”. When asked if an outfit looks great, “The color suits you”. Easy to learn and you can actually be truthful with your diversionary comment.
6. “Don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story”. “I got the ball and scored a goal”, makes for a truthful but dull story. The tale of the clever inward pass, the feint to the left, how the full opposition side, even the one that was seven feet tall and used to play for Brazil, were completely bamboozled by your scintillating run, is mere embellishment not lying, and much more interesting to hear.
7. You are under no obligation to tell the truth to strangers. That view was considered in the past as heresy by St Augustine who considered truth as the basis of human community. Whilst the lack of truth could be considered as one of the reasons why societies are failing, there are many strangers who will not get the truth from me.
8. To the Doctor. A surgeon once said to me, if you ask someone how much they smoke, double the number. If you ask how much they drink, treble the number. When you ask them how often they have sex, divide that number by four.
9. Political correctness. Onora O’Neill put it perfectly in the Reith Lecture series in 2002, “demands for universal transparency are likely to encourage evasions, hypocrisies and half truths”. Dancing around the truth is not the tango, it is a lie. In fact complete transparency tends to discourage the truth. However, we are legally obliged to wear the shroud of PC speak.
10. At job interviews. You wouldn’t get the job of you did not titivate here and tweak there. “Have you ever been fired” Truthfully no. But that is generally because I resigned first rather than face the ignominy. You can study titivation at University. It is called marketing!

Aristotle claimed that falsehood was mean and culpable whereas truth was noble and full of praise. A good relationship, a good family, a good neighborhood, a good society is surely based on truth. “I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God!” Strong stuff but we all know there are times when some untruths are helpful. But remember what Mark Twain remarked,”When in doubt, tell the truth. It will confound your enemies and astound your friends.”