16 Strangers I’d Like to Strangle
by Sometimes strangers just do things that make you mad, however unintentional. Here are some types of strangers I imagine strangling.
16. The Button-Pusher. If you pushed the elevator button and it lit up, you’re good. Pushing it again does not make the elevator go into hurry mode. And if I pushed it, and it lit up, but you still feel the need to push it because you just like touching shiny objects, I just might strangle you in my imagination. This goes for those buttons that supposedly make the street lights turn faster, too.
15. The Lover. I realize you’re in love. It’s so adorable. Until you start getting it on in public. Not literally, but you get the picture. It’s ok to kiss in public, but come up for air sometime, would ya? You’re making us all feel like we’re intruding on a private moment. If you’re all over each other in public, I will imagine strangling you.
14. The Compact-Parker. I don’t even drive, and this still annoys me. The space says compact. Is your car compact? No? Then don’t park there. It’s simple. Stop making it complicated. How am I supposed to exit my car without banging the door on your gigantic truck/SUV/other gas-guzzling vehicle. If there’s a scratch on your car when you come out, you’ll know why. If you park like an idiot, I will imagine strangling you.
13. The Dog-Smoocher. Did you just let your dog lick your mouth? Ack. ’Nuff said. I won’t imagine strangling you, but I also won’t be able to get that image out of my head.
12. The Mother. What an adorable baby. Awww, why is it crying? Poor baby. Ok now’s the part where you leave the theater or graduation hall to calm the baby down. Oh, you’d rather stay and ruin the movie for everyone else? Lovely. If you let your kid scream through a movie or quiet procession, I will imagine strangling you.
11. The Helper. It was so nice of you to ask if I needed any help. The first couple times. If I didn’t need any help two minutes ago or five minutes before that, chances are I don’t need any now. Stop asking me. If something comes up, you will be the first to know. I promise. Now go away before I start thinking it’s because I’m black. If you ask me if I need help 17 times in 23 minutes, I will imagine strangling you.
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