Studies show that many men who have been known to have abused their animals have also abuse their partner. In fact, some abusive men will actually harm their partner’s pets as a means of hurting their partner emotionally, and to maintain control over a situation. Women fleeing from abusive relationships often do not know what to do with their cherished pets, since most women’s shelters cannot house them. Sometimes this may be a factor in why a woman chooses to remain in the abusive situation.

Most women are taught compassion and care for others including pets, which often overrides our care and compassion for our own selves. There is no doubt in my mind that someone who would outwardly abuse their animals is likely to do so to others as well, including their partner. Same feeling of ownership they have over their pet they may feel over their partner. As though they may do as they please.

Often people who abuse do not know how to deal with their anger or their self-esteem issues. Men (and people in general) who feel the need for a high level of control over their partners often do so because they are afraid. Afraid that if you go out without them, you will find another man (because deep inside, he feels he lacks in some way). Afraid that if you wear that dress, other men will be attracted to you, and they will lose you. Afraid that if you take that job which makes more money, they will appear to be less of a man. Anger also drives abuse because they do not know how to share their feelings or articulate their needs.

They may have been taught and shown this in their homes growing up, as a way to deal with problems. They see that Dad punching the wall or throwing mom keeps her quiet when he does not want to hear any more. This, people, is the society we have built. One which fuels abuse by men, for many reasons, but reasons including keeping the definition of men and women in a small box, where men aren’t men if they cry or share feelings. Men aren’t men if they own a poodle instead of a boxer. As women, we are taught to share, love, consider others feelings, and many things that both help and hinder us.

But there is so much these men are not taught as boys, which play a factor in the men they are today. Women do it, and men do it to each other. When will we let men out of their box?