Are We Dependent Upon Independence?
by In the USA, institutions have been established in an attempt to remove children from homes and guardians deemed unacceptable by society. Many children each year are taken away from their guardians due to abuse and negligence, when in fact most of the guardians are raising their children according to their beliefs on what is appropriate.
These individuals find it so bizarre that we employ people to care for our families. When our parents reach a certain age, we put them in the care of others. They believe that families are our own responsibility and we must care for them throughout our lives. Just like a mother rears and cares for her child, a child must care and protect his or her mother.
Across the world, there is a growing trend to shift towards teaching children the principles of independence training. The cultures striving to make this change, have found that it is very difficult to make dependent children independent. The Yucatec Maya are experiencing this difficulty with their children. With the desire for his children to obtain an education, a father named Prudencio tells of his struggle to motivate his children to attend school. His children were not confident and secure being away from their home and family and after a few days at school, returned home.
While there are many in our society who would argue that independence training is the most beneficial way to raise your children, there are those who disagree. Dr. Laura Schlessinger has repeatedly accused parents in our society of treating their children like pets. These parents meet their child’s needs like a devoted pet owner would care for their beloved pet. Feeding before and after work, taking walks, giving baths, and enjoying their time together can be done with an animal or a child. One of the biggest problems with independence training is too much independence.
Children are taught by parents, television programs, movies, songs, friends, and peer pressure what is right and what is wrong. They do not have a constant guardian who is there to enforce rules and regulations. Instead they have numerous adults present at various times of the day with different rules and regulations. The result is a child who does not understand what is appropriate and what is not appropriate. How are they to act? What is appropriate? Without a constant parental influence with unchanging guiding principles, children activate their independence too early by deciding what is appropriate and what is not. The increase in violence can be blamed upon the lack of understanding placed on the price of violence. The media has romanced the effect of violence, yet surprisingly failed to recognize the consequence. What children see is what they copy. When considering the Columbine massacre, and many other murders committed by children, one can’t help but wonder where were their parents? Why were they not involved? How did they not know?
While too much independence training can be harmful, too much dependence training can be as well. There are many who choose to stay at home with their parents and take advantage of what they can provide. Without working to make their own way, they enjoy a lifestyle free of work.
In the popular fairy tale “Goldie Locks and the Three Bears”, Goldie Locks enters the three bears’ house and comes to the conclusion that the father’s porridge is too hot, while the mother’s is too cold. She decides that the baby bear’s porridge is just right. Likewise, too much of one thing is bad, while the lack of another is bad as well. In an independence based society, there needs to be a happy medium between dependence training and independence training. Both produce respectful characteristics, but in any culture, too much of negative dependence or independence is bad. If children are starting to deviate from the standards and rules we have previously established, one must ask themselves what has changed to receive such a result? Maybe a little of dependence and independence training is the best way to go!
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